|Posted by anonymous at February 28, 2012|
TO start off, i am gay. And its something i struggled with my whole life being brought up in a christian family. My life seemed to be going great when i was young though.(popular, good looking, did well in school) but at the time i was denying myself. Eventually i started to want a relationship and in high school i started to realize who i was,a gay guy. i also started dressing more fem and becuase of it i felt i was starting to get treated as an outcast, i had a hard time making friends,and my family as a whole treated me like i was some freak. When i started to go through puberty i pretty much lost my looks and my confidence along with it. Its hard to keep any when your own mom calls you ugly. EVen though she takes care of me(food and housing), my mom has never treated me that well personally. and my dad is pretty much gone and moved away.
Now in the present, i hav started dressing more masculine adn i feel good looking once again. I also have come out to everyone except ym dad since he is not around, and i have no shame about it. But even now, i get treated differently. as if people know im gay so they avoid me/dont really bother with me. I have tried finding other gay people but its hard since they are a minority. Had 1 bf in the past, didnt last long. And everytime i try to get into a relationship with someone im attracted to i get shot down, and i really dont understand why. plenty of guys adn girls like me and fidn me attractive but the ones i like never...
|Posted by anonymous at February 28, 2012|
To all the people out there.. I am a gal, 23 years old, who has had the best of everything till now. My childhood, upbringing everything has been done well by my loving parents. I have a younger sister who is very special to me and she loves me back the same way I love her. I fell in love with a guy of my age when i was 18. This guy belongs to a different social and economic background. We want to get married but none of my family agrees to it. They threaten to leave me if i continue my relationship with this guy whom i love immensely. I'm absolutely torn between my love for him and my family of 23 years. I have become so depressed and lonely and silent and feel there is nothing left in my life. A part of me is dead. I'm aware that people have bigger problems in life but nothing bigger than hurting & losing people you love. I'm miserable but still hoping for things to work out & make my people happy. I guess that's LIFE with its UPS & DOWNS..
|Posted by CThree at February 28, 2012|
In the last two years,a little more actually i have lost in order..My job,my grandparents,my saveings,my new store that was gonna change the world for me,my apartment,my mustang,and than my fiance.
The world revolves around money and it will all crumble without it and anyone that thinks they can prove you can live a great life broke never has.
It simply wont work these days,without money you will wind up 34 years old single and living at home looking at all these bullshit scams that they try to pass off as jobs on craigslist.
When I was at my low I SOLD MY FUCKIN MUSTANG FOR $8K,the money lasted 3 months because that is 3 months worth of bills and a few beers a day at happy hour so i can sleep.
I also developed a severe anxiety problem in the middle of the downfall resulting to being prescribed xanax,wich basically is an off switch for your penis and motivation.
Big E Smalls once said dont be mad UPS is hiring...there not.
I am actually a good looking dude and have girls hitting on me all the time but what am gonna do,bring them to my room in my parents house?A relationship will not work without money and all girls in Brooklyn think there Snookie or Paris Hilton so they dont work,god forbid..but for some reason they go to college.
The one good thing is that took all this agression to the gym and have gained 20 lbs of solid muscle.
So now i'm a 6ft 220 lb pissed off broke guy walking around brooklyn looking for a job.
|Posted by oldguy at February 28, 2012|
I am 61 years old and i have just lost everything.
Business, Home, All my income.
I just can not start over at this age.
But do not have the courage to end it all
Do not want to live like this, but no way out
|Posted by Babbusingh at February 28, 2012|
I was deeply in love with a girl. My family is open minded, and she was ready to do anything for me, so I thought it wont be a problem to marry her.
However, when i told my family about the girl, my mother was totally against her, because of her caste and colour, and to the utter surprise, my father instead of convincing my mother, took her favour and pressurized me to not to marry that girl.
I could have gone and married her, but as I am the only son to my parents, I had to live with them through out my life.
We continued without any commitments, which badly affected our trust and relationship.
Finally, I got engaged to other girl (arranged one, like in Indian Societies), I was seriously not happy with the arranged relationship. My courtship period was one year and through out the period I was also in touch with my girlfriend.
Now I am married, I really miss my girlfriend, I think she has got a new boyfriend, and my wife is not my kind of girl. Relationship with my wife are getting worst day by day (my wife does not know anything about my girlfriend).
My wife starts fighting on petty issues, and always behaves life a spy. I thought of ignoring her, whenever she will fight, but, all in vain, she starts crying when I ignore her. Few days back my parents saw her crying and I WAS THE VILLAIN.
Now, my girlfriend has moved on, she has new boyfriend, she does not want to be in touch with me anymore.
I have spoiled my life, me n my wife are not at all happy, and I miss my girlfriend alot...
|Posted by anonymous at February 28, 2012|
I am an Asian male age 36 and a very sensitive person.
I spent 16 years of my life believing and hoping that something good will turn out from all the hardship I have experienced.
my mom and dad left me with my uncle and aunts. They technically used me to acquire monetary benefits from my grandparents. I am a closeted queer. I tried to have str8 relationship and I believed that i can change (becoming str8). I tried to work as hard as i can to earn an save to have a better life. People just take advantage of my work and grab it for them. I tried fighting them but there are instances that it is really of no use. I live alone no relationship.
I have friends but does not really treat me as true friends. I really trying my best to be sociable. I am just so tired of trying to improve myself and eventually end up to nothing. I had always believed that GOd is with me and is guiding me, but lately .. i am just holding on to this faith. I don't know where my life will go from here. I am tired and lost.
|Posted by anonymous at February 28, 2012|
Is it Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Is it depression? Is it Social Anxiety Disorder? Or is it that I just think too much?
I donít know.
Itís been more than a year when I am afraid of almost everything I do. Iíve become so self-conscious that I think what I do is always wrong and Iím giving people a reason to laugh at me. It wasnít the same a few years back. I did not experience such fear before like I do now. Now, I become afraid when I get up in the morning as to how my day will go in school- obviously bad, and then I think that I wonít do anything that would make people mock at me. Then I think what if my teachers scold me if I stand and roam around in the class or if I talk to my friends? Then I think that I canít play any game and if I go in the ground, people are going to laugh at me. Then I wish to go somewhere and hide from the cruel world. But this is not all. I fear for my grades in school which are gradually getting worse. I fear thinking if I would lose my friends, if they would stop talking to me, if my parents stop talking to me, or go away from me. I want to learn sports and play, but I canít because of the fear of being mocked at. I have bad mood swings. Sometimes Iím happy and cheerful and happy for no reason. But at the other times, I donít want to talk to anyone; I donít want anyone around me. I donít like if my parents come to my room and talk to me, or if a friend calls me. I feel like closing my door, putting a lock, and throwing my cell p...
|Posted by Itdoesntgetanybetter at February 28, 2012|
My family hates me, i have no true friends. I'm an ugly looking female, who found one love. I made mistakes and ruined what we had, pictures were spread out of me online and he saw it. I cannot forgive myself for what i've done. I never finished high school, im too stupid to even think about college. ive never had a job in my life. I cannot drive because i never had a license and i have anxiety. I'm 28 years old and live my days drinking and smoking the pain away, therapy could not help me. i will never know what a happy life is, ive fucked it all up. i want to die.
|Posted by Dusty at February 28, 2012|
I probably should not write this but to hell with it. I am 29 years old i have never had a girlfriend due to getting my butt kicked every day at school and kids calling me a fag or freak every day, the teachers would not let me go on school trips, and when came home from school i was beaten for kicks at night, later i dropped out of school ended up in a half way for depression which messed me up even more due to being surrounded by humans drooling and rocking backing forth talking to them selves. While in the half way house i started using drugs and ended up in 3 different rehabs, followed by jail for 9 months of my life due to aquiring a felony for being at wrong place at the wrong time, after i got out of jail i took the GED and passed, after which i went to college where i was made fun of every day just like when i was a kid, so i decided to start drinking and recieved a stomache viruse + pheunomia was hospitalised and was thrown out of college for missing to many days. Now I live alone i don't have any friends and no one will hire me for a job, i never learned how to drive so traveling is out of the question, the town where i live everyone looks at me and laughs. I once was told by someone to just be my self , but who or what am i exactly, i really don't know, i am so sick of being an outcast and of being alone, all i ever i ever wanted was to be accepted, to know the companionship of a women, to have a good job, kids, a house. But i can see that reaching out was the worst thing i could have done, i should have ended it when i was young and stupid or ran far far away when i had the chance. I feel as though i am numb nothing interests me, i really forget to eat and never leave my apartment somedays because i hate life but i dont kill myself because i know there is no afterlife and partly because i wanna see how much pain and self hatred i can take.
|Posted by Noone at February 28, 2012|
Doomed to die because of hepatitis c.
Don't have money to pay for treatment.
Started drinking and smoking when i was 16 and now im 24.
One and only love of my life still rejects me. I fell in love with her when i was 16. I guess one and only love for whole life doesnt work in real world.
Found out my dad is not my real dad lately. Biological dad came to once drunken and died after few months later because of kidney failure. Even my stepped dad got divorced with my mom when i was 15.
I used to be considered as genius by the society but now im failure at college. Normal graduating year is 4th. But now i'm in my 5th year. Graduation is still far. Cant get anything done because of too much stress.
Only time when i forget all this is when im drunk. I know i should not be drinking when i have hepatitis c. But i just cant help it.
Once i tried to suicide. But then i realized how my family would react to it.
I know i'm near genius when it comes to programming. But when i try to do it. I just cant get my potentials work anymore.
|Posted by neighborhater at February 28, 2012|
I moved into my apartment about a year ago and since have been having problems with the people who live upstairs. They dont seem to know how to walk. They are only capable of stomping and running. They also like to be loud and either play music loud or the tv. the husband beats the shit out of his wife at least once or twice a week, sometimes more. they have a teen aged son who is a complete fucktard and a daughter who is autistic and cant talk. she grunts and just makes random noise. she obviously cant control that. there's constant banging and slamming. They also have an annoying little yapping dog that they're not supposed to have. I would call the cops or my landlord but I have to live beneath these people. So I really dont want to have to deal with them being my enemies but I dont know how much more I can take. Mind you Im not exactly the perfect neighbor to have to deal with myself but I try to be respectful as much as possible. I have kids who are out of control and I yell often but when it's late at night I do my best to stifle it. the place I moved here from I also live downstairs from people and also had problems with 2 out of the 3 sets of families that lived there during the time that I did. Im hoping to find a single family home next year but in the meantime Im wishing I could kill them all and get away with it.
|Posted by Tom at February 27, 2012|
Im 21 and recently shattered three disks in my lower back right after i finished firecollege and i am an EMT. My county has basically disowned me and doesnt bother calling to check up on me but when a firefighter thats high on the totem pole gets hurt they set up all kinds of fundraisers to help him. So basically im a young disabled firefighter who is going back to college to finish my degree, I can never pick my son up again, i do physical therapy twice a week and have a neurologist tell me he doesnt want to do surgery because im too young and it will "heal". I have a family that depends on me and now i am no longer the breadwinner which eats me alive to not be working.
Physical therapy twice a week takes up about 8 hours a week, plus i have to do the workout routine three times a day which takes up 2 hours a workout so 6 hours a day im doing stretches and fighting not to scream in pain. Its not like i havent worked hard to get to be a firefighter and once im there im just shut down and no one cares and all i have is EMT, Firstresponder, Hazmat, Firefighter, First aid, Wildland firefighter... beautiful wall murals that just remind me that if i would have just got my degree instead of becoming a firefighter i would still be able to play ball with my almost 3 year old son. How is that going to look, when he is 10 all of his buddies dads will be out playing football with their kids and i cant even pick my son up much less run or throw a ball effectivly without twis...
|Posted by Time to Confess at February 27, 2012|
When i was born i was bron to unloving parents. They both had issus with drinking and drugs. My mother was physco! She tried killing me more than once when i was in her stomcah. She tried shoving carrots up her vajayjay to try to kill me. She was mental!!! I ahte her to this day!!
When i was 3 my parents got a divorce. My dad married this really nice lady who hated children even though she had two of her own apprently she just hated me and my sister. My mother got full custody of theo both of us. My mother remarried too. The guy had a son. They both sexually abused me when i was 7. They continuously abused me untill i was 13. When i was thirteen i got pregnant. I finally told my mother about this. All she cared about was that her husband and stepson were ok and that i wasnt goin got tell anyone about this..
My mom decided for me to keep the baby. She didnt want to draw attention to myself because apprently to her i wasnt the prettiest. I f i was so dam pretty why was her husband banging me?? I was kept from school, my freinds, my actaul life that i loved unitl the baby was born.
After the baby was born my mother started saying it was hers. I decided to try to tell someine abpout wat had happened because i was tired of lying. My mother found out and started to tell people that i was clinically depressed.
I tried killing myself later when i was 15. When i didnt succeed i ran away. dropped out of school. i ran from lakewood colorado to...
|Posted by anonymous at February 27, 2012|
For some reason, i cant seem to hold on to long term relationships, Ive been told im good looking and people seem to think ive got a good personality...so it leaves me to wonder what the hell im going wrong. My longest relationship lasted a month and that was a while ago, i have mainly just had meaningless flings. I dont know what it is about me, maybe i dont seem like the type to be good in a relationship. I really have no idea. Either way, i need to figure it out before i end up more unhappy than I already am. It gets so bad sometimes that I have to do something - anything to get my mind off it, otherwise i just end up falling apart. Its ugly.
|Posted by anonymous at February 27, 2012|
I am 27 years old and perpetually lonely. I recently moved back home to my parents so I can focus full time on my acting career without the worries of rent. Moving back here has made me feel even more isolated and alone. I have friends, good friends. But I don't believe in the friendship unless I am physically with them. I spend literally hours on facebook looking at friend's profiles, getting jealous of every photo or status update. I know that if I was in trouble, if I was sad, I'd have numerous people to call, man who would come and pick me up. I was in a play recently and almost 20 friends came to see me. I am not alone, so why do I feel like I am?
I used to go out a lot, at one it got up to even 4 or 5 nights a week. This went on from when I was 18 until about 2 years ago when I turned 25. I still go out sometimes but nowhere near as much. I think I got so used to it, and met so many people I was so desperate to impress and become friends with. Now the parties are over and I feel like I'm left with nothing, which is ridiculous. I have my career, which is really in its fledgling stage thanks to the fact that I only started focusing properly on it in the last year or so. Why is it so easy for me to sit at home and mope around feeling sorry for myself and so hard for me to do the right thing and focus on my career?
I'm aware that I may be depressed as these feelings of loneliness are uncontrollable a lot of the time despite the fact that I know they are false. I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle with myself to stay focused and positive. Sleep is the hardest thing in the world right now and I know that onl makes things worse.
Time has already gone by so quick and so many wonderful things have happened to me. Its only after the happened that I realise how wonderful they were. I don't want to waste any more time.
|Posted by Every No One at February 27, 2012|
I've battled addiction my entire life. I was abused as a child and addicition runs rampant in my family. I watched a documentary on netflix about this futurist who believes our environment dictates how we feel. I'm depressed but I read about some who have things I'll never get close to having. I think it's easier to create the feeling for others than find it for yourself. I believe everyone honestly feels depression in our society. Look at the walls we've created... our own private prisons. Our language imprisons us. the way we view the world. Kerouac in "On the Road" that real life is at the bottom of the pyramid in life's experiences to paraphrase. I'll say one last thing, I was on the street in a very bad part of town at 2:30 in the morning waiting on a friend to buy drugs. A bum asked me for a cigarette that had rolled up on an old rusty bike. Another friend was scared he was trying to rob us. I gave him a cig and asked for a sip of his drink being really parched. It was a cheap bottle of vodka in a brown bag. I took a big drink of his vodka and talked about life. I don't know what to tell you. Most would say it was a terrible experience. But, I'll never forget the sense of communion I felt with this guy. The world isn't what it seems. It's only a prison because your we built it that way. Think of what scares you the most in the world and do it. That's where happiness is. I don't mean fear of heights. I mean the thing you've always avoided. Peace an Good Luck
|Posted by anonymous at February 27, 2012|
You find this sight. Well I hate my life. I'm 34 and my life is stuck in neutral. I've never succeeded at anything for very long. I'm broke and need antidepressants and can't afford the ones that actually work! A typical day for me involves getting up stumbling around making tea, trying not to rip everyone's head off because I feel so miserable inside. And then trying not to cry all day every time something upsets me. And well being depressed a lot of things upset me.
I feel so fucking alone, even though I have great friends. My partner has no clue. . . We haven't had sex in 6 months. And not for lack of me wanting too.
Oh did I mention that I am fucking FAT. I weight 350 pounds. I have an issue with binge eating. And being depressed it's easy to overeat. I was dieting, lost weight for a couple weeks, then got in a fight with my spouse an BAM a week of binging I couldn't seem to stop for nothing, every bite of food making me feel more miserable about my lack of control. All the weight back...
What the fuck is wrong with me!
So I hate my life, and see no way it's going to get better anytime soon.
|Posted by loner91 at February 27, 2012|
My dad was an alcocholic. When he started drinking he wouldnt stop for 1-2 weeks 4 3 days was the minimum he would be drunk. Come home drunk yell at my mom,my sisters, almost every night we would run away to my grandmas or sometimes just wait till hes sleeping and sneak back in. My mom has such a good heart. When hes sober she would forget about it and move on, and expect another day just like described. Been going on for 30 years. When I was 12 I moved to states, kinda sorta illegaly, stayed there 7 years. First 4 years i made no friends, i stayed at home and did nothing but played games like runescape. junior in highschool i started going out and made a few friends, but when we did have a party, it was always a cock fest. One day my friends were over and my pos came home drunk as shit started screaming and yelling at me i pushd him over and they ran away. We were still friends, thank god. I feel like nobody likes me, accept a few ppl, i think everyone is fake and talks behind your back how much of a loser you are. I went back to my country after 7 years, everything sucks, I feel like i dont fit in here, ppl are selfish and rude. Again i stayed home day and night went out a few times with old friends, but i feel like they dont want to talk to me. Left to england, i was a cleaner, got fired, unemployed on benifits, got some part time job right now, but theyre not calling me cuz tehre is no work. I stay at home and play xbox all day. Some days i dont even say 10 words to a...
|Posted by anonymous at February 27, 2012|
I'm 29. I have a degenerative condition and have to have many major surgeries from 3 months old.
I missed lots of school and i've spent most of my life in chronic pain. At 24, I had a major reconstruction to remove my hip and my femur. However they nicked my femoral nerve so now I have nerve damage and i'm not much more mobile than I was before.
All through school I was bullied or lost friends because people don't understand if you can't hang out on demand.
I battled and got myself a degree and am working as a teacher but it's so hard and i'm in so much pain all the time. On top of this there's the usual stresses and constant hassle from parents. All I do is teach, plan and spend my evenings and weekends marking and grading assignments. After that i'm too tired to do anything else. I'm not entitled to help from the state so i gotta carry on.
I'm in a relationship with someone i'm madly in love with, but who I know doesn't really love me back. They don't want to marry me or have kids so i'm kinda in limbo. I also rely heavily on them as they are basically my carer.
Trying so hard to carry on but I really don't see the point.
|Posted by dodo777 at February 27, 2012|
I have been on this site before and now find myself back here feeling alone and I dont think things will change.I keep having breakdowns.I had a violent upbringin and was molested by my school teacher when i was 9.I am now 51 had a few relation ships but I drank and was violent.My depression is just about managable at this moment.
I am thinking of suicide I am thinking of hanging not climb a chair kind but sit with a rope around my neck untill I pass out and let nature take its course.
I have made such a mess of my life things cant get any worse.My son who I love so much attacked me for the third time.Didnt hurt me this time but i cant blame him i havent been a good dad really.I havent worked to give him a good life work here though is hard to get its who you know today.I am alone most days and nights.I am not good at making friends and when i do i mess it up or dont bother after a while.
I have started to eat chocolate every night I think its comfort eating as I havent much going on.I bought an xbox which is passing the time at this moment but soon that will ware off.
I am also worried about the benefits I get at this moment I am sick and get extra but this tory led government is cutting benefits and giving the minimum I know I will not cope as I have a messed up hip my gullet is dead so I can only drink fluids and I suffer from depression and its getting worse as time goes by.
I have tried meditating which is working but it w...