|Posted by anonymous at October 13, 2011|
For the past 23 years of my young life, I have tried. Tried to be normal, tried to succeed tried to... just function in a world that seemingly will not have me.
As a young child, I suffered abuses, both verbal and physical (my most vivid recollection was of my father beating my head off of a brick chimney wall at six years old for being afraid of the dark; that or the times they followed me around with video cameras screaming at me because I had wet the bed (I would have been maybe 5-6?).
Well, being resilient and a trooper to the end (and not knowing what normality was ta that point) I continued along life's road. Only at the age of nine, to be repeatedly molested by my older cousin. Such, are the evil things in life.
At the age of eleven, my family had moved out into the country, to redo a house (one of my mother's hobbies), and then, lo and behold, it burned down (theorized by investigators as to have been caused by my kid's 'non flammable' chem set). Awesome, right?
Well, the teenage years did not improve, having been home-schooled until ninth grade, I had all the social prowess of a rock. Degrading into a state of constant panic and anxiety; I became crippled in my avoidance of that which I hated, and turned to many suicidal extremes (though it wasn't the first time I had tried to kill myself, I was five the first time). My parents then decided I needed therapy; not from a therapist though, but rather, from them. Their version of therapeutic, was...
|Posted by aj6743 at October 12, 2011|
I hate my life. My man controls me. He lets other men use and abuse me. This Friday am getting taken to a swinging club because he knows there will be willing men there who will want to have sex with me. I feel so ashamed and unloved. I tell my man I don't want to do it but he just says that I always seem to enjoy it all and I will do it. Secretly I feel so violated. He says he loves me but he cant can he?. Am never ever gonna get out of this terrible situation. Apparently am selling my house next year so he can spend the equity on his house to build a Fucxxxx garage and a conservatory .My life will not be worth living,I know he will stop me from seeing my family. I'll end up with nothing. Mind you that's how he makes me feel Like I am nothing. He keeps me so down. He never ever has anything nice to say well except when I have had sex with other men I get called a good girl! (am 43yrs female by the way). I mean wheres my life now? Hes taken complete control of it. Sometimes I think I should just sell up and move away. But where? How? Ill need a job! I have no confidence no self esteem, socially I am detached, lost all my friends because of him. I am just trapped. My kids are all grown up now, they live with me but don't interfere or say anything anymore. Ive lost so much but feel I have nothing left, no strength inside. God what am I gonna do? Friday is coming!!! Hell go absolutely berserk if I back out. !!!!
|Posted by anonymous at September 17, 2011|
i was still young when my older brother told me to play a game...i only realized it was sexual abuse when i turned 13. it happened around 10-15 times from what i remember. once, his friend also "played a game" with me. there was also this physically abusive dad, not only to me but also to my brother and mother. i couldn't complain...because i was just adopted. i felt so rejected, because of my real parents abandoning me. my brother wasn't adopted. my mom can't bear any more children after him. i love my mom. she was so kind and caring, and the reason i didn't leave was because of her.
i became a closet gay. i pretended to be straight, because i was traumatized by rejection. there were also the bullies at school and the sexists. i've even pretended to fall in love with women, but in fact i fell in love with some of my straight friends. i can't express my love to them, since they were straight and they'll become awkward and possibly not talk to me ever again. so, i hid all my feelings to myself. it was really painful, but it's my way of dealing with it. i just wish that i could meet someone out there who can be my special someone, the person who i will love and love me back.
|Posted by Glad you're not me at September 16, 2011|
My story, molested when I was 3 by my mom's 1st exhusband. Never knew my real father until I was 10 then he molested and raped me several times at the age of 13 and 14. I tried to tell my mother, but no one believed me until I was 18 and he fathered 2 children with a different family member. My mom is a recovered drug addict in which I've witnessed her do everything from weed to coke. I've seen her go through a nervous breakdown and now is on lifelong medication. She left me with her side of the family to run after her men. I grew up not having a bed, lived out of a trash bag and slept on the floor for many years. No one would buy my basic necessities ( maxi pads, panties, bras, clothes) as a teenager because I was told that my mom should not be doing drugs and need to get her children. I've attended over 13 elementary schools, 3 junior high schools and 5 high schools (I'm not even a military brat) My younger brother was killed at the age of 15, I was only 17 (1992). Never regrouped from that. Was in a relationship with a man for 8 yrs in which I planned to marry only to find out he was a professional con artist. Another brother of mine was shot a killed in 2004 he wasn't even 30. I finally married and I am not happy at all. Lost my house, car and sent my eldest child to live with his father. I have had many jobs but no career. Because of who my mother is, I am not accepted by her side of the family. I do not know my fathers side of the family. I do not h...
|Posted by anonymous at September 14, 2011|
My mum wanted to kill me when I was a baby. Grandma adopted me since then. Good times doesn't last too long before my grandma passed away when I was ten. Childhood was horrible. Abused by my mum an sisters. I though life would be better after married. No. He stopped talking to me since few months ago.... what have I done wrong? Life is too long for me! My best friend just passed away a week ago! I wish he can take me along.
|Posted by thelostsoul at September 12, 2011|
at 5 i was sexualy abused by a man my mom left me with when she went to work by 10 i had been molested and screw with by a few people in my family and some kid from baby sitters.as i went into my teens i was sexualy assulted by two people and a friends dad.spent a few months in a mental hospital was on many meds till i was 16. i was pick on beaten in school kiddnaped ones and shot at.abandoned by family.dad isnt in my life treats like a out cast. moms in lala land and in another world. spent many years sense 12 trying to kill myself with drinking and drugs but couldnt really kill myself because i lost my grandpa and two uncles to suicide so i didnt want to do that to my mom all over again.then at 19 still trying to figure out who i was and what the hell to do i meet a girl who was 15 and we fell in love she was the first person i wanted to have sex with she was very experienced i wasnt her first. so we were together for a month and and someone turned me in for being with her and a cop picked me up and said that she had told them that i raped her and being the dumbass and very young minded i said i didnt rape her we are girlfriend and boyfriend and yes we had sex bam that was a confession so in my small ass town i lived in they decided to slaughter me they put my picture on the front page of the paper and lumped me with four other cases of sex offenders and make it look like a sex ring and so the life sentence began there. the judge said i would be charged with sex abuse ...
|Posted by Alone at August 29, 2011|
my dad lately has become a right cunt, my mum will try her outright best to make him happy by making phone calls to him during work so he doesn't get bored etc but he throws it all back into her face, he constantly calls her a whore and if she ever mentions any male my dad will assume that shes slept with him, i believe this is some sort of reverse psychology and my dad is cheating on my mum he constantly goes off on his own when we go around town he sometimes says hes leaving us for ever and comes back the next day on holiday he'll constantly check his phone, im just fed up with it plus my mum can't leave him cause their in joint debt together im just sick and tired of seeing my mum who does everything for us from getting everything ready for school to sorting out documents and paying bills to even working part time too just to make my dads life that easier yet nothing good comes in return. it makes me feel awful seeing my mum getting knocked down like this where its come to the point that i see nothing in my dad anymore and don't even think of him as a dad ive even dreamt and wished for him to be killed so that my mm could be happier sometimes i feel as even a hitman is necessary just to split them up cause she can't do it herself. i don't know what to do anymore ive got a levels to do and this on my mind constantly as he has lashed out on us once with a knife threatening to kill us which he did end up in prison for a night for but we made him seem as if he was the good guy, this is my story and i just dont know what to do with life anymore.
|Posted by Aurora at August 28, 2011|
I was forced to make a change to hopefully save my children from abuse. I was verbally abused by husband, no money, forced to take care of children at home....I told myself the emotional terror was ok if I could create a loving home for them then I saw my five year old looking at his dad with fear when he was saying something crazy to me and I realized I had leave not stay for my kids sake. It was rough. I was on welfare for a few years getting my teaching certificate but the book TheVERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP saved me. I started going to a good Methodist church because they are nit extreme and I slowly made friends and built a life. I read SEVEN HABITS OF EFFECTIVE PEOPLE and did all I could a little more at a time. I gained power over myself and worked at being happy. I still have challenges and my over all story with medical problems, big C, and depression of my child is as bad as anything you read here but what know is if you give in it stays the same! Help yourself, read self help books, dare to give your life up to the creator what it is and look for guidance. I had times when I was a Brat and wanted it the way I thought it should be. Now just being at peace and proud of doing a job that helps kids goes far toward being enough. Take control where you can .....that's how your ability to change yourself and your life grows!!!
|Posted by anonymous at August 28, 2011|
I'm 24 all my life I've had physical abuse first from my mother .. She used to hit me till I bled ... Then she used to get a knife to me and threaten me .. She used to tell me that she will throw me under a bus.. Everything that was bad in her life is because of me..all this when I was only 6 or 7... My family hates me because I'm a girl.. Then my brother was born if he fell I was blamed I was hit.when we moved to a new country my dad began hitting me ... Strangling me..putting a pillow on my head so I would suffocate and die ... They both told me I'm useless I'm dumb ... I have nothing no money no degree one dead end job... My mother takes all my money for her debts ... I am sick of life ... My firt boyfriend in college my mother drove away... She would call him and say that I'm nothing and all I want is sex from him... Then my second serious boyfriend got me pregnant and I had to have an abortion ... He didn't even turn up and acted like as if it was nothing... I'm am so hurt ... I feel so alone and there is not one day that goes by that I dnt wish I was dead.. Why am I living... Just today my brother hit me and punched me .. Threw a chair at me... Then my mother blames me when I didnt even touch him. I hate my life I've isolated myself from everyone ... I can't even have a boyfriend because I don't want anyone to know how my family is... I wish I was never born..
|Posted by Mywingsdontexsist at August 28, 2011|
I have been on this Earth for 33 years. I have never really been happy. My dad told my mom that he didn't want be because I wasn't a boy. I have been molested too may times to count, raped, beat and told that I will never amount to shit buy many family members. My mom and dad divorced when I was 8, she remarried 5 months later to a man that she had been seeing for awhile. He liked to beat me. Then when I was 13 and my mom decided that she needed to go back to work, he decided it would be best if I played the part of "mom" when she wasn't around. From doing all the cooking and cleaning to getting up in the middle of the night when their new born child would cry. I also still had to get up and get 2 other children ready for school. Then he decided to rape and molest me. He told me that my mom would never believe me if I said anything to anyone. I decided to tell and he went to prison. MY MOM TOLD THE JUDGE THAT I SEDUCED HIM!!! She blames me to this day for sending him away. She let the state take me away and put me into foster care. The other children stayed with her. She visited him twice a month and never bothered to come see me. When he got out, she moved in with him and left my sister and 2 brothers with me. She never sent and money to help with anything. She was just worried about her. I had married at 18 to get my own place. He was in the Navy and was never around. Come to find out that he was sleeping with a bunch of other women. After 6 years of a messed up marriag...
|Posted by ned at August 21, 2011|
My father beat me up constantly from the day I was born. I am afraid of everything. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I would commit suicide but I am afraid to.
|Posted by Animas at August 18, 2011|
My life sucks. I had a normal life growing up until I recently found out that i had repressed memories of my older brother beating me, abusing me, and attempting to kill me. He acts normal but lately at night I've getting my memories back and all of them are visions and sounds of my older brother doing things to me that I don't remember. I went to a therapist and he told me that I might have repressed memories of my older brother and that the anger and fear I have from him is because of the things he's done to me. So all of my emotions I feel towards my older brother and myself is from him. he's the one who makes me try and kill myself multiple times and he's the one who makes me want to kill him and anyone who acts like him. It's all his fault that I couldn't have a normal relationship with my family and friends and he's the reason I'm anti-social. My life sucks and I want to kill him and after that kill myself.
|Posted by anonymous at July 31, 2011|
I am honestly to the point of thinking about suicide. When I was born my mother nor my father wanted me, they would let me (a 2 month old baby) lay there is my own vommit, shit, and piss for hours. Then when I was 2 my father started abusing me. He used to punch me in the stomach as hard as he could and laugh about it. He beat me with extension cords, fly swatters, and anything that was within reach. Then my grandmother took me away from him. But thats where the mental abuse started. Her husband didn't and still dont like me. He made me feel like shit for everything I had ever done. He made me feel like a burden to everyone. Like I was worthless. Then when I was 5 my uncle started molesting me. I told but everyone thought I was making lies and didn't believe me. Then when I was 8 my mother moved to the town we was living in. And her being my mother I wanted to have a relationship with her. I was too young to know she was no good, I just knew she was my "mommy". It went good for a few months until she started shooting me up with meth. She used to tell her friends right before she did it to watch how I twitched. She and her druggie friends thought it was hallarious. So that started my drug addiction. By the age of 12 I was addicted to meth, heroine, and cocaine. I was also an alcoholic. Then when I was still 12 I got really fucked up and ended up molesting my younger cousin, which I know was my fault and I admit that. At the age of 13, I was sentenced to 4 years in juvie. T...
|Posted by Suicide On My Mind at July 20, 2011|
I'm almost 30 and still a virgin. Never been kissed, touched or hugged by the opposite sex. People hate me. Sh*t, I hate me. What's there to love? An extremely overweight, unattractive, anxiety-ridden, nervous wreck with little to no social skills. Never had a real-life relationship or any real intimacy with a live human being. I have been emotionally and physically abused by my father and step-father since I were a child. I was always told that I am nothing but a loser. Now, I'm starting to accept and believe it, Everyone feels awkward around because of social anxiety disorder. I am isolated most of the time because of it. I want to end my life, but fail to do so. I know I will end old and alone if I keep on living.
|Posted by TC at June 21, 2011|
Wow, ok lets get started...I'm a 45 year old woman...I was adopted at my birth to a couple who had decided that adopting a child would help save their marriage. They then later adopted another little girl to be my sister.
I was picked on horribly in school, no friends, younger sister had to protect me from bullies.
Parents divorced with a huge custody battle that lasted 3 months with my sister and I being forced to live at the mean neighbors house down the road.
3 years later when I was 13, my moms mom died, my mom died and not 2 weeks later my dads mom died, and 9 months later my great aunt died.
Dad did the best he could but was in a car accident, hitting his head on a windshield, suffering a brain disorder called a-typical-unusual psychosis. Suffereing paranoia, he lost his job of 23 years, forcing him into retirement.
My sister and I were ripped away from him and put into a foster home, he got us back in 3 weeks.
At 16 I was date raped, my sister at 17 got pregnant, at 20 I was in an abusive relationship and had a child. Married the guy, but divorced him when my child was 10 and tried to start a new life.
Father couldn't live alone, got medical treatment and was doing much better but wasn't his old self.
I have been raped and abused 5 different times, had 2 major surgeries and 2 herniated discs with nerve damage...unable to work to properly care for my child.
Met a really nice guy, my daughter growing up, has lots of problems...
|Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2011|
I was born in a family where there's so much dissapointment,when I was about 10 years old my mom had to work nights to pay rent to a shitty-ass house and my dad who is a alcoholic worked morning to late afternoon,and after my mother came home from work she has to turn around and take my older brother to school which he didn't go to school to learn,he went to socialize,my mom spent all that time taking him to school and gas for nothing,my brother had spent three years in the 10th grade,then at 15 i've lost my virginity to my boyfriend,which he was a grown man,we seen eachother without my parents knowing, then a few months later my mom found out about us and ripped us apart,i'm now sixteen and i found out that i had depression and bipolar disoder,my mom won't let me go to public school because I have angry out bursts sometimes, and now we live at a trailor park were the people next door are always loud night and day,my older brother is twenty-one and he mentally abuses me everyday,and sometimes we have fights and not like the ones that brothers and sisters have,they're very brutal, just two months ago we had a fight and he ended up beating me with a broom and kicking me in the back of the head,when he was finish with me my head was bleeding,i had bruises,i thought i was going to die,I just started smoking cigarettes because of the stress from life and from my brother,I'm looking for work and I have no luck finding a job,every night I stay up and just wanting to die,wanting all of it to end,no other person has it THIS bad.
|Posted by Angel at June 2, 2011|
I will be 50 in a few months, and I still carry the scares of abuse with me like a blanket. My abuse started the day I was born, being born to people that didn't want me. They cared more for their own lives to care about me. I was born with cataracts so I spent a lot of time in the hospital, with no visits from either parent. The 2 people that gave me life was cheating on each other, so they divorced when I was 4 yrs old. My mother always seemed to find guys that wanted to beat me, touch me in ways that they shouldn't, or both. School was hell for me, I was beaten, and made fun of, then came home would get beaten there also. Between kindergarten, and 6 grade I went to 11 different schools, I quit school in the 7th i was 16. My mom held a gun to my head at 11, I was beaten by a bunch of kids, and I ran from the school, she was called away from her job, and desired to kill me. The guy she was living with at the time stopped her because it was his gun, not because it was the wrong thing to do. The last guy she was with was the one that gave me the most pain, and my mom chose him over me. She gave me up, sent me away so she could be with him. She held a picture of him for many yrs,the man who raped me, and I was sent away because of it. He told me though, if I told her she wouldn't believe me, he was right. My life sucks so much now, I cant have a good relationship, I always choose guys that are wrong for me. I am with one now that has so many women it's not funny, I have caught him in so many lies. I need to get away from him, but all the crap he puts me through makes me hold on even tighter.
|Posted by living dead at May 26, 2011|
when I was in grade 6 or 7 my step brother (who is 4 or 5 years older then me) would come into my room almost every night and just do really horrible things to me. I would hit him and hurt him, but I was to afraid to scream because I thought I would get in trouble or something.... i donno? all I can say was I was 2 afraid to sleep at night because the computer room was on the other side of the wall by my bed. and everytime he'd leave the room I'd act like i was asleep under the blankets.... a few times he had kicked my younger brother out ofhis room in the day time if no one was home. But my younger brother was only 3 or 4 so he didnt realize y I didnt want him to leave.....
That all stopped eventualy but I can not forgive my stepbrother still and I can not talk to him.
In grade 9 me and my brothers were all taken away because my step mom and my dad were heavy crack addicts. (once I walked in to find dad unconscious and my step mom asleep in the car ) and I didnt see my brothers for a while until the 2 of them came back from rehab .
So Grade 10 I started smoking weed.... one day dad was snooping around my room and finds my weed and smokes. He comes out Freaking out at me So I flipped out right back at him. and left the next morning I am on plane to live with mom...
Were i moved to was a Very small community with only 500 people there. So drugs and drinking became my "thing". I only smoked weed 24 7 and did a couple of pills. not many. But anyway...
|Posted by mary at April 16, 2011|
I am a 25 year old woman whose life has been chosen for me from the day I was born. I was a really bright little girl growing up. Unfortunately my father was 73 years old when I was born and my mother was around 50 something, they were both from over seas with close minded brains. I was the last child of 11 children. SO in school I was at middle school reading levels when I was only in the first grade, but my parents didnt understand or for that matter didnt care, if I needed school supplies they would never get them for me and I would get lend me down clothes to wear... Besides my dad was an alcoholic who abused my mother and had several affairs with random women, my mom couldnt do anything she had no education, no job, no car, no family to support her. When I was 8 years old I was not allowed to play outside anymore because my mom had to prepare me for marriage so I had to learn how to cook full course meals and clean and do all the responsibilities a grown women has to do. So as I was growing up I struggled with school because I was so tired of working all day and night preparing to be a good wife ... When I was 12 I had a crush on someone and he did too we were talking and sending letters to each other until my family found out when I was 14 yrs. old and what I did was so wrong to my family so my brothers beat me half to death and arranged an engagment with someone I barely knew I got married to him at 16yrs of age, I was beaten by him he neglected me, he would get m...
|Posted by CrystalinaJeann at April 16, 2011|
Okay....since I don't have the money to go see a shrink I will finally talk about my life on here. When I was 9 my stepfather decided to forget I was suppose to be like a daughter to him and decided I looked more like a mistress. From then until 14 I decided to hide it from my mom who was happy for the 1st time in her life. By the time I was 14 he was treating her so badly I decided there was no reason to hold on to this secret for him anymore. I told her. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE! She didn't believe me. I spent the next 4 years of my life in girls homes and lock downs. She found out the truth when I was 16 but she didn't leave him. Nor did she get me out of where I was. She left me there and went on about her life with her husband. I ran away from these places all the time trying to go back home but my mom would just send me back. On one of my ventures home, (I was 14) I was raped by 4 men. Another time I was attacked and robbed....it was hell to say the least. Then I was 18 and they couldn't hurt me anymore, right? Wrong! I fell in love with this guy and we got married and had two children. I lost my license....got put in jail for 3 months and when I got out. My husband had abandoned me and the kids to go to another woman. I can't bring myself to type any more of this nightmare but to say the least, it's just been a downward spiral since then.