|Posted by Slacker at June 8, 2012|
I don't like working. I do the minimum I can just to pass by. It's been 10 months I'm working and I know I will never get anywhere career-wise if I continue like this. To be honest I actually want to get fired. I am lazy, I procrastinate everything possible to the last second and then I hand in mediocre work. I am applying to jobs left and right and I have had interviews with 2 companies till now (P.S. sick leaves are a pain to prove if you are not sick) and was called back for a second interview by one of them. I think I will get an offer from at least one of them. The thing is it is easy to hold your frame for 20-30 minutes because all employers want to feel secure that you are a hard worker, dependable, straightforward and that you will make their lives easier and excel at what you will be working. I conveyed all these in the interviews but holding your frame full time 8 hours a day 5 days a week for months is tiring and I don't think that anything will change even if I get a new job. I never feel like working. I think I will change jobs every year till I die and will never be satisfied from my job. It's not that I'm mentally deficient or anything. I graduated with honors in Finance and I have a 130 IQ but I procrastinate like hell. It's not that I don't care about my job... it's just want to work when I feel like working, not all the time.
I am at work now and I hope my boss barges in and I get fired for slacking off. I really don't want to work. It's not fun...
|Posted by Zez at June 8, 2012|
Before i begin let me say that i am sorry, I have rewritten this story more times than i can remember.
I am alone.
I am broke.
I am an introvert.
I am in debt.
I do not have a job.
I am 19.
I have never had sex.
I am lazy.
I am a procrastinator.
I cannot express interest in other peoples lives.
I know that i am a failure, and yet i refuse to do anything to help myself.
As you can probably tell by the things i stated above, I have no friends. I wish i could simply end my life now, but i have never known direct failure and i do not know how to simply quit. It is kind of funny because whenever i begin to be scared, scared that maybe some zombie is going to eat my face off in my sleep. A few seconds later i feel comforted. Because i want someone to end it for me, something i can say "there was nothing i could do" I'm really sorry that this is not an organized masterpiece which brings people to tears.. But i can't make anything that expresses how pathetic i am. I am so extremely pathetic. Oh and by the way i have not cried for years, i think too highly of myself to let myself cry. I wish i could cry, i bet i would feel better. Holy hell i am pathetic.
|Posted by anonymous at June 8, 2012|
I know my life does not suck quite as bad as apparently some other people's here do; notheless, I just wanted to say I am feeling pretty depressed. I have lost most of my hair and at the rate I'm going I'll be soon bald. Now don't give me the shit that to obsess about one's look is vain and what not. If you were going through this, you would know. Just as I'm losing my hair on the head, I'm sprouting coarse hair on my chins and everywhere it shouldn't be. Now did I mention that I am a female? I'm looking absolutely like a cow. Yes, I am getting medication for my condition--PCOS--but they are not working.
|Posted by anonymous at June 6, 2012|
So here I am, 25y.o & still feeling like i have gone nowhere and achieved nothing. this ECHO's so dam loudly on my mind. sometimes i HATE facebook everyone with there perfect lives and happy status's makes me so mad why can't i have that!
I actually feel like the biggest LOSER known to mankind, I don't have a baby - although this is something I have wanted for a long time, I don't have a loving partner - SOMETHING i was sure I would find by now (no instead I am with a man who sucked me in @the beggining, then decided he didn't like me, WHICH was hugely obvious but because im me, i accepted this thinking @least i had someone LIKE EVERYBODY else and i found him attractive. we are now comming up to three years and i can only blame for still being here) i put up with a lot of emotional torture and occasionally physical punishment from him the biggest haunt for me though is ..his EX (&yes they got it on - i know of one time) - even though i lost so much weight to look good for him. i know that despite me thinking otherwise she to him is more physically and sexually attractive.
I was totally addicted to marijuana mainly because it blanks the shit outta my mind, however i don't know if this is true because maybe i think more in depth about my issues. I basically need to smoke cones daily or i can't sleep, i get shitty and i feel so lost.
I grew up with my mum, but my dad who is wonderful isn't my real dad - i love my family, but the extended side have never real...
|Posted by Struggling mom at June 5, 2012|
I hate my fucking life. I work really hard trying to run my own business taking care of other fucking peoples snotty nose ass children cause there parents are sorry and can't there fucking kids healthy. I never have any money cause fucking gas prices are so fucking high i can only afford to pick up these ugly ass kids i hate seeing everyday but i have to cause it pays the stupid bills that keep piling up. Everytime I think i am about to get ahead something allways happens to set me back. I know i am good person so why doesn't good things ever happen for me. My fucking boyfriend can't get a job so he just gave up looking. He expects me to take care of him and his mom and our kids and all he does is complain.
|Posted by zaghart at June 4, 2012|
decay. happens to living too. fucked my life up and now watching my self getting fucked up. i beleive i have done so few things wrong in my life but everything is goig wrong with me. everyday there's a surprising disaster for me. i've complained about them so much that i don't want to repeat writing them here.
when i look back i find everyone aruond me guilty but myself. born as a masochist foot fetish masturbating from as far as i remember to now (21). opportunities are flooding me but i just stand and watch them go away because i'm ifraid to make a single dicision and extremely afraid of others. it's four years i'm doing nothing everyday. i just go to college and come back home. no activity, no friends. don't study at all. failed two semesters with terrible grades. in off days i get up late and just walk all around the home or just sit by the computer and read stupid things, none of wich i remember next day. my memory has got so bad i can't remember a single name. i'm decaying. i'm dying in fornt of me.
|Posted by Hate at June 4, 2012|
I hate this life so much. Every fiber of my being wants to scream and kill someone for it. I don't want to work this stupid job for this prick of a boss. I hate that everything that goes wrong is my fault. If I do speak, she tells me to shut up. When I shut up she tells me to speak. She gives me instructions that she can't even remember and expects me to do everything right. I have reached a point where I am second guessing my every move. I am now paralyzed. I don't know what to do because no matter what I do, I'm gonna get shit for it. I do a good job, she finds an insignificant something that is wrong and requires me to do the whole thing again. Now i don't know what to do. I am frozen. I don't want to do anything because I'm gonna get shit for the good and the bad.
Best option, do nothing. Probably I'll get fired for it but at least then I'll have some peace. I'll be financially dependent again. What an epic life. I have this hate and anger that is so spread that I can feel it in every part of my body. I don't want to quit because I don't want wreak my financial stability yet I can't stand to hear another stupid remark from the prick or redo a project that doesn't need to be redone.
Fuck this life, work sucks and so does the world. I hope nuclear war happens and this shit hole called earth turns into ash.
|Posted by SomeGuy901 at June 3, 2012|
I went to a decent college after doing well in high school, I am in a good financial position at home, my family loves me, and I have a good job at a good non-profit organization that does great work. But I still hate myself, and I hate my life.
I think I live to be performing or creating, like playing in a band or writing stories or acting on stage, but nothing I did in college led me there. I could try it out now, but I can't shake self-doubt enough to try. That's dogging me in my professional life too, where I spend most of my days searching the internet for random shit. My job is a one-year position, and I think my boss can tell I'm not putting in any effort, since I've felt my responsibilities decrease and I'm not even a contender to fill my position (it's part of a one-year thing to build capacity to eventually make the position full-time for a while, but I suck so I won't get hired). I'm afraid that my inability to put forth a good foot will dog me no matter where I go professionally. I only got a 3.2 in college, which isn't bad, but I know I was smarter than most of the idiots I went to college with who left with better grades despite not being smart enough to know that you shouldn't blow a bunch of dudes if you think your reputation will be intact (that sounds sexist, but I mean it only practically).
I'm so unhappy. I just spend my time jerking off, smoking pot, and reading books when I'm not at work, and I might as well spend my time at work ...
|Posted by anonymous at June 2, 2012|
So many of these stories are written by people whose lives suck, but they are usually younger and still have time to turn things around - which I don't I don't think.
I'm 53, no SO, no children, no job, no career. I have several psych diagnoses and the depression I deal with overwhelms me (I guess I'm bipolar 1 depressive). I have been stalked for months now and was forced out of my nice home due to the stalkers being new next door neighbors, and in a panic I bought a mobile home in a park. The realtor lied to me about the average age here (which is 70) and about activities which don't take place. My friends (the few I had or more like two and one was constantly putting me down) just deserted me due to the stalking. They didn't believe me and my one "friend" of 37 years sided with the stalker, even though he tried to kill my dogs four times. Well, he or they have followed me here now.
My mother is over 90 and fell so I have to go out of state to take care of her so I worry about the stalking (as they vandalized my last house when it was vacant) and what they might do to this place. My dog has Valley Fever and is moving in the wrong direction. The stress from the trip could make it even worse, yet I feel I have no choice but to drive there (oh, and I have a driving phobia so swell).
I was involved with a lying, cheating, deceptive narcissist on and off for six years who just accused me of being delusional about the stalking and wrote me o...
|Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012|
My depression began when I heard as a little girl that my father was very unhappy when I was born--he wanted a boy. I loved my father very much, and it killed a part of me to learn that I was unwanted. Later in life I have wondered if it was a malicious aunt who had lied to me about my father's disaapointment when I was born,but no adult rationalization has quite brought relief to the wound my young mind suffered. My mother has always been apathetic and neglectful towards me, I know she wanted a boy and had one after me, but it isn't her coldness towards me which has pained me as much as the thought of my father's disappointment on my birth. One day when I was a small girl my mother told me in a mood of anger 'Go hang yourself.' I remember I did try to kill myself many times, prayed to god to kill me,but I did not die. I am now 37, I gave birth to a beautiful baby nine months ago, I am enrolled in a Phd program at a leading university and should have a respectable career ahead of me, but despite all this, I cannot shake off my desire to kill myself and die. My depression has been especially bad since my baby was born. Holding her in my arms, I have been ravaged by the thought of the disappointment I brought to my parents as a baby. I know I will not kill myself because that will mar my baby's life. How will she ever be happy knowing her mother killed herself? She is so pure, so joyous, so untainted by sorrow or blemish of any kind. When I cry in front of hershe thinks I am playing with her and squeals in delight. I want to live for her, but a part of me wants to put an end to it all and die. So here I am, caught between my wish to die and my responsibility towards my baby.
|Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012|
Ok i know im only eighteen but that shouldnt determine the degree of suckinees of my life. im bipolar, anemic, depressed(near Suicidle) lonely and i have arthiritis. if thats not enough i have gravely sick mother and my dad passed almost 2 years ago. i just graduated hs with only a 2.0 and i dont have any idea what i wanna do w/my life. when i think of the beginning of my life i think of how my mom risked her life giving birth to me in the first place. doctors told her giving birth to me would cause her to get really sick. she was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis when i was born. i sort of feel like its my duty to take care of her forever. if i dont worry abt. her i feel so guilty. so it limits me to actually enjoy anything without b/c i'll feel bad abt. it later. my dad died so unexpectedly. just one morning i woke up and was told he was gone. he had a heart attack at his job. it sucks because i never fully mourned his death. i completly aviod thinking about him too much. the smell of anything that reminds me of him makes me nauses, and i want to puke. i was not that close to him and i regret it. i miss him so much and nothings the same. i go back in forth btwn hating everyone, even people i dont know, to just getting by for a moment. thats bipolar though. i cant figure out who or what i am. i feel soo evil sometimes and i figure it would've been better if i wasnt born. i punched my sister in the face a couple a weeks ago for no reason and i still feel so sorry. i cant u...
|Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012|
this is basically the first thing i say every morning when i wake up.. i hate my life and i wish that someone would kill me because i dont have the balls to kill myself... i suffer from major depression.. it started when my ex broke up with me.. and it got better for a bit but has come back with a vengeance.. im stuck at a dead end job and i have no idea what i want to do with my life. every single person i know is in a successful and fulfilling career while i have been going nowhere for the past 10 years.. my life has no direction and i hate seeing other peoples success.. it makes me crazy jealous and i hate feeling like that.. i just want to find something that makes me happy and i have no idea where to look.. im about to declare bankruptcy and on top of all of this i am being sued for millions of dollars and if i lose my parents will lose everything and it will be my fault..
|Posted by confused at May 31, 2012|
I'm fucking tired of working. I haven't worked a lot. It's been 10 months since I've graduated and have been working 9 months of it and I'm fucking tired of it. What can I tell you, I am lazy. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to file a paper, I don't want to analyze shit. I don't want to report to my boss. In short I don't want to do anything. I just want to lock myself in my room away from everyone and get out once every 3 months or so. I don't want anyone to disturb me or anyone to want anything from me. Is that too much to ask? I don't know why people work and I don't yet understand why people "should" work. Who said we should work the first 8-10 hours of the day, come home beat up, eat something and go to bed to repeat the same bullshit all over again. If this is what life is, I don't want to be a part of it. The root of all this evil is that people need money in this fucked up society to live. I don't mind that there is money in the world, just the fact that we have to trade our lives for money, and for what? So that when we're 65 years old, when we're old, semi-dead, mentally disturbed from being exposed to all the bullshit of the world, up to our necks with medications so the we can simply function, "then" we will be able to retire. What an epic life.
This is what I am looking forward to for the rest of my life and I am sick of it. I am sabotaging myself so that I get fired so I can maybe start my own business. Anything is better than working like...
|Posted by Sara at May 30, 2012|
I am a mother for 3 kids .I am an imgration .I came to US 5 years ago with no english .I have been learning from that time till now ,but i am still do not speake fluntly .I cannot get along with people .most of them laughing on me when i speak because of my accent.I am doing very good at School ,but with chating with people I feel so stupied. Teachers at School do not take care of my kids because i do not speak with them all the time so my kids statred feeling boared and ignored.I feel i am worthless ,helpless. I am working now at a good place ,but i am feeling everybody talks about me and making fun of me because of my fraction English .I am very very kind person .I love people and always ready to help .
|Posted by Loco4u at May 30, 2012|
Ok so I was doing ok with my wife for 5 years till I decided to cheat on her and ruin my relationship while she was 3months pregnant with my son who is now two years old one week later after she left the house I moved the other person I was having an affair with in with me we lived togeather for about 1 year while this time i was drinking alot and didnt realy care for any thing drugs an alchohol were an avery day thing till we split up now I'm living at my parents I think I'm an alcoholic and this situation has ruined me financialy before I was doing ok had three cars my own business and now two weeks ago I filed for bankruptcy I only have 20$ to my name as I write this I have a car but is in my mothers name I do have a job but I work for my dad my social life is a wreck I drink a lot but mostly to escape the reality of my situation that I my self put me in although I don't completely fault cheating on my wife the cause of al this I think its just a bad sequence of events I do see my son three days out of the week wich brings me something to look forward to look for I don't have a one single fried that I can text to or talk to I have a face book account with 70 friends wich are complete strangers when I drink it's usually at a bar but I'm always with my self the corner stull I'm 30 years old and most mornings I wake up wishing I hadn't I closed all my bank accounts I think I'm under paid for running my dads business wich has grown significantly after I took over it al though he still sees me as a fuck up who don't know shit i don't know how to deal with this any more
|Posted by Enel at May 28, 2012|
Born to a teenager and pedophile, whoremongering dad. My mom didn't want me but couldn't afford to abort me. My dad and mom never married and my dad was killed when I was four. My mom left me at many neighbors and family homes while she went away for hours (even days) before returning. I spent most of my life with my grandparents - Grandfather unemployed alcoholic who sexually molested my Auntie until the age of 18, Grandmother who couldn't think past church. When I did stay with my mom she would beat me and then brag about to me, she would also make fun of me and ridicule me in front of others. There's so much more to tell, but not enough time. My life has consisted of disappointments, depression, hatred, envy, jealousy, abandonment, mental and physical abuse, raped while a teenager, countless amount of jobs, broken hopes dreams and promises. I'm on medication for seizures and suffer from major depression. I often think about committing suicide, but afraid of the pain I'd endure. I don't give a damn about the pain it would cause others and don't really believe that it would anyway. Let them walk a mile in my shoes. I'm a failure and always have been. Each day I dread the next day to come. I hate my job, dislike most of my co-workers and despise my boss and the owner of the company. They're all a bunch of phonies. Although I used to be very skinny, I'm now very overweight and my hair won't grow fast enough. I'm considered to be attractive, but I hate myself, I hate my li...
|Posted by jhyia at May 28, 2012|
I don't why I'm posting this, maybe i should get a diary. I have no friends. Live with mom, single female. Almost 40. Loser. Pathetic isn't it. People my age are married and have kids. Not still stuck at home. Life going no where. I get happy with little stuff, not big stuff, focused on the negative stuff, not too much positive stuff, don't want it to go in my head. It's like I can't be happy too long. Ok so this guy pissed me off today on my way to walmart. Coming out of a yeild, wasn't much traffic, thought i cleared all the cars. Merged into to the left lane, than i noticed a car along side me and it went in front, then the jerk says " I know you saw us, should have let you fucking hit us". That was it, didn't respond, he turned off to Target. Didn't make eye contact with him, felt scared. Angry, didn't really see him. If i did I won't have merged. Wouldnt' have nearly hit him. Just got a new SUV, don't really want an accident, too much crap that goes with it. But you know, people are so angry, what I'm angry about is that i didn't do anything. Let's say our cars did hit. Even if we went to court and it really wasn't my fault, i would think it's my fault. See that's my problem. Something happens, i make it bigger than what it is, i beat myself up, i call myself a loser. Lot of self hatred. I imagine myself shutting down, like being those people who never come out of their house. Afraid of the outdoors. Is it the outdoors that they're really afraid of or i...
|Posted by anonymous at May 27, 2012|
My life is a complete mess. I search aimlessly for ways to redeem myself but fail miserably. It's unfortunate to accept that I can't think or function as normally as other people my can. After years of holding myself back from reaching my fullest potential I know that there is possibly no way that I can overcome the amount of anxiety if fill my head up with each waking day. I can't ever make the right decisions or have the right words to say even though I can't seem to make decent conversations at all. I have two of the most accomplished siblings who seem to have everything together. Being the middle child, I guess I always tried to stand out which has become my karma. I often question why I get up each morning just to toss and turn at night. Im truly just a lost soul who hasn't been living but only existing in a beautiful world. Eff it though. I hate that I've wasted two decades of people's time but I can honestly say I've tried my best to stand tall but fell short. I could list the tragic events I put myself through but its nothing anyone can do Anyone else feel this way? probably not to this extent but hey since there no such thing as time travel..ill just have to figure it out how to end it. I truly disappointed God. my family, friends, bf but most importantly myself and my name.
|Posted by susan B at May 27, 2012|
i know this shit sounds weird, but i wana die because life sucks balls,not my own but cauz others are in pain and they seem to have so little and they are gratful to what they have , while i lack certain things and am always cring and cutting myself to feel pain,am suffering, this is hell , and i mean it , at least peole know why they re depressed but i dont. Sometimes it seems like am deppressed cauz am fat and even though i lost weight i cant eat what i want just beacauz am born fat, evryone hates me ,every single person hates except my parents who sometimes mistreat me, no one is able to understand me!! why am i alive i wana die !! i cant take anymore, am so stuck, breathless, and in so much pain wanting to die so bad for no specific reason, just for the sake of death !! i know ths sounds bullshit that is how i feel
|Posted by EhhYourRegularNobody at May 26, 2012|
Life is just a continual struggle for me.. its not even particularly my life. Its the fact that I have to be me. I completely and utterly despise myself. Everything about me. Its like I'm never good enough. My mother completely despises my father, and I'm the product of rape. My mom wishes that she had never had me, and had just got an abortion. She's told me so multiple times. She throws everything and anything she can get her hands on at me when shes angry. She's also hits me.. Ehh. Oh well. Its nothing I don't deserve. see, the thing is, I know I'm useless, and stupid, and ugly, and basically everything else shes ever said to me. So, I deserve everything that happens. I have no right to complain, so I shouldn't even be typing this, but it feels good to just get it off my chest.