| | Posted by anonymous at May 3, 2012 |
Okay, well I'm not usually one to bitch about my problems, but I'm feeling pretty shitty right now, so I'll try venting and see if it helps. I'm aware my life isn't nearly as bad as many other people have it, so I'm sorry for complaining. I just need to get these feelings off my chest.
Well when I was about 2 or 3 my parents got divorced. I know, that's not nothing. But then, when I was 11 I lost my sister to a heroin overdose. 2 years after that my dad who I loved more than anything committed suicide. I didn't know what to do, but luckily enough, my good friends were there for me. Unfortunately my crazy mother decides to move me, my sister, and my stepdad halfway across the country.
Now I have another sister and brother who I rarely get to see on account they did not move with us. My mom doesn't understand me in the slightest, and is always trying to change me, especially my beliefs. My sister is just as crazy as my mom, and my stepdad doesn't even speak English. I've lived with him for 7 years and I still feel awkward whenever I try to communicate with him. He also treats my mom terribly, and yells at her for mistakes he himself makes.
I'm 15 years old and I want nothing more for highs school to end. I currently have no friends. I think it's the fact that I had a great life, makes me more depressed and more fixed on the past. But I know that's impossible, so I'm attempting to look towards the future. Anything but the present.
I'm so sorry for complaining, but I had to try something. I hope all your lives get better, and remember, you're all wonderful people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you're contemplating suicide, think of all the people you'll be upsetting. Just look forward for a better day. That's what I'm doing. Let's hope it works. |
| | Posted by C.B. at May 2, 2012 |
I have no friends... I suck at everything... I'm lonely and very shy... I have no special talents...I'm unlucky, clumsy, and stupid... My parents work too much because we're a big family... I love my family so much... It's the only thing that keeps me from killing myself... I would give them and do anything to keep them happy. Tonight I went out with some friends, and one of them told me I was boring to talk with.. That I was to shy and to boring... In front if everyone !
It's been Two months that I've liked someone, a guy named Tom... He's an amazing guy. But I got rejected by him last weekend when I told him I like him. I'm unhappy. I know I'm exaggerating because there are kids who are starving to death, who have no family and are in much worst situation than me... But I can't continue my life being like this.. I really need help. I have nobody to talk too. I certainly can't talk to my family about this, my parents have got enough problems. |
| | Posted by Loser at May 2, 2012 |
I am.now 21, I.have.no boyfriend, and no extraordinary academic achievement. I am not a nerd and.neither.am I.one of them cool girls.
I am not.an only.child, worst am the less preferred twin in my.house. am a loser at.home,.no.matter how.hard I try.my.parents still.see.me.as a devil and.my.twin as an angel.
At college.am a complete.loser, no friends.no grades, no life.
I sit all. Day and.eat and spend.money on vain.things trying.to.buy happiness but the fact.is.I am a sad big fat loser and am so.good at it.that am a loser.at every possible thing.
Needless to.say.my life sucks and I seldom wonder when will.it end.
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| | Posted by anonymous at May 1, 2012 |
So where should I start.
Actually my life sucks since May 2010.
I met someone really nice on Facebook. I started talking with him and his best friend and his family. All nice people, but I started to feel more for him. You can see me coming.
So we had this i-love-you-but-we're-10000miles-apart-relationship. We were figuring out how we could visit each other during summer break to see if we really connected in real life as we did on Facebook.
...But first there was Spring break. I went to Egypt, he went to Hawaii on vacation. We talked everyday, until disaster strikes. He had an heart condition and got into a fight. He layed in the hospital for a week and then he died.
When I heard what happend, my world fell apart. But to the outside world i kept smiling. Today, i remember him as a lovely memory and i stopped thinking about what could have been if he didn't die.
Since then everything went downwards.
2010 was the year I graduated from high school. Senior year was the best year ever, but still i didn't feel good about myself. I hated my body and all this fat.
The past 2 years I have been struggling with my thoughts and myself. Because i felt uncomftable with myself, i kept eating to control my emotions. If there wasn't any food in the house i would become a hatrous monster.
My health was going downwards. I always did some sports but i had to stop cuz i couldn't take it anymore, my body couldn't take it anymore. It's a viciou... |
| | Posted by anonymous at May 1, 2012 |
well how do i begin..im pretty much your avegerage broke, struggling to pay tuition, 19 year old college freshmen trying to find my way in the adult world. however i feel so different when i compare myself to my peers. I feel alone to the point where its depressing. But what i find that does set me apart, if anything, is my virginity. In my lifetime i've only had one boyfriend and did not find him trustworthy enough to lose my virginity to him. Since then, i have kept my legs crossed but FOR WHY? i do not know. at my age i feel no one appreciates me being a virgin and percieve me as being inexperienced and prudent. There are lonely days when i do not value my virginity and wish i gave it up years ago JUST SO I CAN FIT IN. i feel like i wont be able to fit in until i do have sex because now i just feel so awkward being a 19 year old virgin. i also feel i cant get a boyfriend because i am a virgin. i hate my life. |
| | Posted by Reality Bites at May 1, 2012 |
So I've concluded I'm a proud, lazy, liar. I hate failing so much and I feel like all I ever do is fail. I was suppose to graduate in the summer of 2011 but scheduling issues made me push it back a semester. I was too scared of everyone thinking I was a failure so I pretended to graduate and spent the next semester secretly taking my last class. Dodging people and answering why are you on campus questions got old but I had every excuse in the book.
I finally graduate that December and land a job 2 weeks later that will start at the end of the following February. I put my two weeks notice in at the crappy restaurant I worked at through college at the beginning of February. Two days later I get an email stating that my employment has been deferred til September. Not wanting to look like a failure I don't tell anyone and leave my job. Now I'm living off my savings and frantically looking for a job. I've had one interview with what I thought would be my dream job but the interviewer was so rude and I kind of blew the interview. Now I wish I would have swallowed my pride and kept waiting tables but at the same time I feel like I am ready for something more.
Within this time period I found a boyfriend. My mom is the ultimate feminist and would be so disappointed if I ever brought him home so I lie to her all the time about what I've been up to. I'd love to bring him over and have her meet him and support our relationship but all she ever talks abo... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 30, 2012 |
well..here is another life story. 16 yrs old seems like a long time, ever since i can remember..ive been... unusual,(that weird kid) i dont know what it was growing up..the fact that im 6"4. or maybe really fat. who knows but i was never accepted by kids. i didn't let it get me to down just kept going to school every day. i always hated it. failed my classes i was very unintelligent. if it wasn't for the spell check you would be seeing as you read this long story.lol. kids got worse around 7th grade. thats when puberty was hitting everyone hard i guess. lines were drawn on who were the "popular kids"..and the losers..(me)..i got bullied hard,
i dont even know why? i was at least 4inc taller than most of em.. i didnt put up much of a fight. being raised as a hardcore christian, i was more like a giant teddy bear than a huge fighter.. i never did make friends...just sat through my classes each day every day.. come high school i found that one friend. and who would o thunk he was a "popular kid" so just like that i got into the group?
but i didnt know why they were " the popular kid" how they got all the chicks
seems like they were praised by everyone even the cool teachers.then i took a good long look at it they were huge rebels, ya pot smokers, crime, doing what ever they want basically. being raised a good christian kid i despised that, but.. they were the only friends i got? so about mid way through freshman year.they turned on me..said i should just kill m... |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 30, 2012 |
Where do I begin. Well since no one knows me on here I'll keep it simple and trust me it still may be confusing! When I was a kid my father cheated on my mom.. Okay sad day, not a big surprise the way people are today. Well a whole lot of shit went down from when I was 7 till today where I'm 17! Now onto the real fun part. My single mother has a decent job but for some reason the bills just don't like to see people having food on the table. As my mom is trying to raise two kids on her own she can't handle it, soo her mom moves in! Yeah cool for the first two minutes! She is simplily a terrible women. My uncle moves in because he is stupid and lost his job so we took him in. Well a year later and Yupp you guessed it, he is a heroin addict! Please hold the applause it gets better. Throughout the next couple of years after him we had my Aunt and a cousin move in(separate times) now currently I have another cousin living with us an yes my nana still lives here too! Well he has a STUPID wife with three kids! So on the weekends, I yes I get the babysit (unpaid) three kids! Ages 6, 4, and 2! And wait theres more !! You ready? I bet none of you are expecting this.. His wife alcoholic has 'mummy ' issues! She is living with her mom though. Her mom says no drinking, she says screw you. She goes out leaves her kids at home and when she comes home at 2 in the morning locks are changed! She goes off in her car crashes and now is parylized from the neck down! That was a lovely phone ... |
| | Posted by J R at April 29, 2012 |
okay so im 18 and a virgin, ive never had a girlfriend or anything witch is pathetic atleast in my opinion but whatever. ive got this girl im good friends with and she sends me ridiculous mixed signals, one day she will hang out with me until midnight just talking to me in my car about random ass shit (alot of times sexual making me think shes a slut) and openly talks about sex to me like oh i love giving blow jobs and swallowing yet sometimes when i put my hand on her lap or say something suggestive she seems awkward and uneasy. i just can't fucking tell if she wants more then friendship out of me and i don't want to try making a move as we have been friends for over a year. she also talks to me about another guy she is currently hanging out with at like 3am and it is just obvious she is fucking him yet she says she is more into fuckbuddys right now so i feel like she might want me. i dont even know if i could take being just a fuckbuddy for her anyway i kind of want more but am just soo confused. what should i do because i also dont want to fuck up our current friendship. |
| | Posted by alice at April 29, 2012 |
My dad asked me the other day, "Why are you so sad?"
And I replied, quite honestly: "Because I hate my life."
He huffed and puffed and then walked away and yelled "So fix it!"
Seems logical. It's what I'd tell anybody else if they were feeling shitty about their situation, but applying that simple little suggestion to myself seems impossible.
I suppose I should start with fixing my physical body. I've been overweight since I was a child, and I know that when people look at me they have just as much disgust for the fat bulging over my pants and chubbing up my cheeks as I do.
So, what? An hour on the treadmill, diet pills, and the scarce (but manageable) healthy foods we have in this house?
I can try. I /will/ try because really - this body is mine and I can undo what I've already done.
Logical, understandable.
But how do you 'fix' two years of post-apocalyptic mental warfare that's left you utterly friendless and completely miserable? Let me clarify a bit.
I was a bratty teen. A raging hormonal bitch with a vengeance for society. 'I don't give a fuck' was my slogan and I wore it well. I think I was about sixteen when I just quit going to school. Instead I cultivated a tweaker pad on my front porch. My doorbell would ring about eight a.m. Most of us were drop outs but the kids who didn't want to go to class knew I had parents that worked and an open door. I'd let them file in one by one and out of my inner need to impress I... |
| | Posted by Sam Fisher at April 29, 2012 |
Im not gonna lie, i thought i had a pretty good life. Half decent grades, good family, money, and a few good friends. The problem is im a complete outcast to the general teenage public of today :p I dont smoke anything, i hate the whole weed culture, and i dont drink to get drunk; i love music and concerts but its impossible to find normal people to go with that aren't complete retards and awkward douchers :p I had a girlfriend who after a year of having me write love letters, buy gifts, and help with her depression (which i was pleased to do because i ACTUALLY cared about her) decides she needs time to make herself a better person :p now it dawns on me that i was just there until she found someone better (hence me never once being on her facebook and being forgotten whenever she was around other guys, oh yea and the people texting me about her flirting with other guys while writing an exam)... So now theres me, good kid; but no social life because im quiet and surrounded by potheads and drunks and id rather kil myself than become that... are there any normal girls out there who wont stab a guy in the back and like being taken to concerts movies and dinners? Because right now it feels like im completely alone on this miserable rock they call earth |
| | Posted by Sky at April 28, 2012 |
My dad died of cancer when I was three, my mother got breast cancer when I was 17, but she survived. However she never was the same. My mother has a bad temper and she always yells nonstop at even the little things I do, like moving back and fourth to get a drink of water. I love my mother, but she seems not to like me, and so it stresses me out.
At school nobody wants to talk with me, even if I try they would ignore me or get into an argument with me. I have no real friends, just people who need me. I play no sport, my grades suck. I have a 3.07GPA which will get me no where. My mother knows that as well she keeps pesetering me about it.
I know this sounds like a typical teenage drama, but the worst part is that I just want my mother to be proud of me. She sets up expectations that are too hard to reach, and for that I try to find love somewhere else, but no one will give it to me.
If you met me in real life, you probably would hate me too. I want to commit suicide because life sucks, but the only thing holding me back is the fear of hell.
On top of all this I am struggling with the idea of a god. I have been a Christian my whole life, but now I am sinking and I don't see any support from above. I am so sad, and I do not have a meaning in life anymore. What should I do? |
| | Posted by nobodyspecial at April 24, 2012 |
I am 21 year old male from Maryland in college who gets fucked over in life in every aspect you can think of. I am surprised i am even still alive at this point because everyday i have lived for the past few years i have felt like i could die at any second and that either way i dont see myself making it past 30 years old. Somehow i made it to college but i am a year behind because i have failed at least one class each semester and have changed my major to basically about anything but have no desire in any of it because i suck at ever subject.Everything i touch i break or fuck up in some way shape or form and it just makes people angry which is one reason i keep my distance. MY attitude and way of thinking is horrible and extremely negative as you can see because everything i have been through. The only jobs i ever got were minimum wage and the only reason i got them was because my parents knew someone. I drink a lot, smoke a lot of marijuana, and take aderrall for my disorder to relieve the pain as well. I feel like everyone has someone to turn to but me. Everywhere i go and most of the things i do are alone unless it is with family which i rarely spend time with. I can honestly say i have been depressed for at least 90% of my life because nothing gets better no matter how hard i try. MY parents got divorced when i was young and always had to move and live in bad areas growing up in the ghetto as a caucasion was not easy. By 17 i was kicked out of my moms house and was ... |
| | Posted by Lily at April 23, 2012 |
Right now, I'm so uncertain about my future. I don't know where I'm going at all, I have no goals, no motivation, no friends. I'm only 19, I have a whole life ahead of me, what am I going to do? How am I going to survive all those years. I read those stories about people who are middle aged and still friendless (no offence intended) and I get so scared. I really wish to get out of this little loop. It's just I don't know where to start making friends. Everyone I meet already has other close friends, it's hard to stick myself into any group. Not to mention that I am shy, quiet and awkward, I just can't seem to think of anything to say.
There are people I talk to, but none of them are close and none of them understand me. I find it hard to strike conversation with them, because they all have everything going for them, smart, involved, have their whole glorious future awaiting them. I feel really shrunken in their presence. I wonder how on earth I am going to find a job. I have no good communication skills, no motivation, no life... And without a job, I really am dead. My family can only support me for so long.
I need a way out! Where do I start to pick up the pieces and get my life back on track? |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2012 |
I'm a 16 year old sophomore. I've never had many friends but there was a few people I used talk to. Lately, all of them turned their back on me. The person who I once considered my best friend now ignores me and doesn't care about our past friendship. I felt happy during my last relationship, but it was only for a short while. I lasted a year with the person I ended up being used. I feel unwanted even by my own family, since my dad left when I was very young and the rest of my family tells me I am worthless, lazy and can't do anything right. I don't blame them because I know what they say is true.
I was in a public high school, but I had to transfer to a charter school because of all the social pressure in the regular high school I attended. Everyone had their own group of friends and I was alone, I always felt unwanted. I now spend the majority of my time at home. I wish there was at least one person I could trust, is ONE true friend too much to ask for? I don't know what I've done to deserve this isolation from the world. Sure, I have a few acquaintances, I go out once in a while, but I have no real friends. I get very jealous when I see other people with their best friends. I envy them so much because they do not know how lucky they are.
I have nothing planned for my future. I am a pathetic waste of life. I am disgusted with myself, but most of all disgusted with the people who did me wrong. This loneliness is killing me, and I don't know what to do anymore.
I have visited counselors, therapists and psychiatrists since I was very young, but that only made me feel worse and I started self harming. I feel the urge to end my life but the only thing holding me back is the possibility that my plan might fail and I'll just end up at a psychiatric ward, making everything worse. I can't even sleep anymore. If I were to die tomorrow, I could honestly say I never really lived. |
| | Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2012 |
Well hey there everyone. I'm 18 years old. I live alone. I am currently working so that I can live. How do I start this...hmmm...I just came out, as a gay person. Yes, I am gay.
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When I was still studying in middle school, I was bullied. I couldn't fight for myself, because no one would understand. I really wondered, why do I like boys anyway, if I am also a boy. When I think of it, I just laugh. It came to me that never in my life that a boy would love me. Impossible. I'm not that attractive to start off. Not so good when it comes to relationships either. It's really hard to find a serious relationship if you're gay. It's never a joke. Sometimes I just wished that I was a girl, this would've never been a problem to me. And if I were a girl, boys would never bully me. They would respect me. Well, this is just a part of burdens that gay guys go through. And believe me, it's not easy.
17 years old. I needed to go to a university. I'm with people who are mature enough to accept gay guys. I do hope so...I made new friends. These times, I felt happy. I had a best friend. He is really kind...and pretty attractive. damn. haha. He doesn't know I'm gay. He doesn't need to know because I'm in love with him. Who wouldn't? all the girls fall in love with him. and he's also courting one of those girls. and he always tells stories about that girl. sucks. It's hard when you have to keep everything inside. but what can you do? you don't have any... |
| | Posted by pillars at April 23, 2012 |
hi everyone, I am writing this to give myself and others hope. perhaps with my story i can rub some determination and hope to you all and by writing this down i can create something like a closure to my problems. warning, it is a long story.
it all started with my family,friends and environment. family first.. dad was really not the talking kind. he would come home and go to work never really bothering about me. now in retrospect, im in my twenties by the way, he should have engaged me. encouraged me to go out and do sports, join something. talk about my life. my thoughts emotions etc. should helped me to grow my thoughts. but that is an ideal case. all he was to me was really just a money bag. he did do something good thou, he provided a decent university education out of his own pocket. on my part,i did try to communicate but really nothing much really changed. there is already this divide between us, this void. he is more like a shadow i need to say hi to and small talk to. its difficult to share.
mother.. she was more like a traditional housewife than anything else. she gave me food to eat. thats pretty much it and transportation to where i want to go. but thank god, i guess because she is a female, she was alot more open so eventually when i was in year 2 in university our relationship got better. there was more talk and sharing. this happened cause i wanted it to work out. i didnt want a stagnant family and life..
besides the neglect there was... |
| | Posted by Bap at April 23, 2012 |
I don't usually do things like this, but today has been a bad day.
I know there are people out there who have harder/worse lives than me.
Do I care? At this point in my life no, no I don't. I used to.
Here it goes I guess.
I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I still want to die, I think about it daily. I'm 26 and my life is just shit.
I suffer from panic/anxiety, depression, poly-cystic ovaries, type 2 diabetes and a few other things. I'm overweight - tried dieting, just doesn't work for me. I'll lose 20 lbs and gain 40 back. I disgust myself. I'm not an ugly girl but I'm not drop dead gorgeous - guess plain Jane-ish. I have no self confidence.
I've been seeing a therapist,shit doesn't help. Been on and off of meds they don't do anything for me except zombify me.
I'm stuck living with/caring for my mother, sister, and nephew (he suffers from mild autism) I don't know what the deal is, it's like everyone here is helpless and can't do shit for themselves.
It's hard. Most of the time I have the patience to deal with him. But over the last 2-3 months its been harder. I've been getting irritated/angrier at/with him faster. And that makes me feel so horrible. I know he's only 4 and he can't help being the way he is.
He was extremely agitated tonight. If any of you know anyone with autism you may know how they can get when they're like that.
And tonight I just blew up. I have this fan in my room and every time he comes in he just will not leave the fan alone. I ask him to stop and he won't so tonight he was over there cramming stuff inside it and I lost it. I just jumped up grabbed the fan and bashed the shit out of it on my dresser. *sigh* I....
So I cried and cut myself and ended up here.
I have no one to talk to. I have one friend,and she only uses me.
So this is how life sucks for me, atm.
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| | Posted by anonymous at April 21, 2012 |
Life can be a bitch and it hurts when it comes back and bite you in the ass!!! It has never been easy since I was a kid now that I'm in high school its even worse. I thought maybe life you be a little more easier since I'm older but that isn't really the case.. High school life is suppose to be fun!! friends, parties,prom and to graduate high school.. But for me thats really not the case I'm not smart!!! A useless kid that people only thinks its just teenage drama moaning and groaning..
Who the hell cares if you have enough credits...
I hate it why the hell do we have to take proficiency tests.... Just cause I failed my weakest subject don't yell at me like that... I hate how you act like you want to support me but you really don't give a damn about me... Just want to make yourself look good thats all... One day you even said what you want to do in college? The hell I know why do you even care?? I want to support you bullshit you can't wait to get rid of me... To you I will always be a dumb ass daughter to you.. Not only stupid but ugly too
Yeah I know I know
College huh College my ass I don't even know If I can pass high school... Just because I have all my credits and don't pass my proficiency basically means you can't graduate high school at all
Almost 18 years old and can't drive and don't work completely useless
you have two choices work or school
You are always fucking sleeping!!!
I always sleep is to pass time more faster... |
| | Posted by belli at April 20, 2012 |
well..im 19 & just now about to be out of high school. not goin to my graduation( becuause i dont have really anyone who's gonna cheer me on & otha ppl from my school are bringing like their whole family & i dont want to look unknown & retarted when they call my name & no one clap i also dont have any money for a dress). Not going to my prom becuase i have no date & no friends..theres no reason for me to go & look like a complete dumb ass and spend my night in the bathroom crying my eyes out. my dad died when i was 10 and my mom is disabled and not able to drive. we have no car, no money no anything..i really has been attempting to look for a job but no luck yet..even if i find a job i have no way to get there. i cant ride the bus becuase i have BADD anxiety and very much afraid of people and fear ill be ran over or raped. ive been trying to get into better shape so maybe i can be a stripper...but im ugly so no one would even pay me to strip..my aunt use to drive me places but now for some reason she hates me & let that be pretty much known..my hopes foe college are pretty much on hold for now..im in need of money bad..thinking bout joining the military...maybe they will send me to iraq & my horrible life will end..suicide is something i think about daily..but iam afraid to kill my self. and i dont wanna leave my mom..people talk crap about me daily and just dont understand what i'am going threw and how much i'am hurting..well..i guess god will direct my life the way he want it to go...i dont even know if this will make it on the site but if it do..always remember no matter how bad ur life is..someones wayyyy worse..OHH & ON TOP OF ALL DAT.. I HAVE BAD ASS ACNE & ME STRESSING IS MAKEING IT WORSE...FML |
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