| | Posted by Judy at February 8, 2012 |
My father lives with me. Rent free, free groceries, free cable, free Internet. I feel like I need him to live with me. He fixes things. But lately I've been stressing out about my supporting him. I think it might not be so bad if he cleaned the house more. He always does the dishes, which is nice. The other problem is his loud talking which turns into yelling. I'm so sick of him yelling at me! He yells at me for stupid stuf. I can't handle his temper anymore. I want to tell him he needs to move someplace else. But the thought of that makes me wanna cry. I love him to pieces. But I think the longer we live together, the more bitter I feel towards him. Plus I'm a grown single woman, an scared I'll stay single with him living with me. I feel like he thinks life owes him or something. I know he barely has any money. Yes an my mother worked while he stayed home. Then they divorced. I'm embarassed for him too. My friends hate that I let him live off me. An they hate that he yells at me. I guess it's what happens with any roommate complaints. But since he's living here free, shouldn't he be nicer an cleaner. I know. Not every1 is considerate. It just kills me, my own dad don't see how I'm so riddled with anxiety, because of him. He blames all my friends an my job for the anxiety. I've had butterflies in my stomach since I was 11. Besides me feeling like my dad is a dead beat yelling lazy crazy argumentive old man. That I love! LoL. My job does suck. Every1's probably does. It's ... |
| | Posted by anonymous at January 27, 2012 |
I am not a child I am a 48 year old adult. I have never had one true friend in my entire life. I have had many false friends. I have been teased and picked on pretty much my entire life by family and friends. I have always had low self esteem and I am fairly certain it was due to a shitty childhood. I am not looking for pity I am just venting. I unfortunately have a brain sadly many people think they pick on me and it goes over my head and don't realize I can tell when they are making fun of me, most people really are not smart enough to get away with it, and the dumber they are the more smart they think they are about getting over on people. I have always been used for one thing or another. I was always the good enough when no one else was around kind of person. I have a physical flaw and i am not very attractive. Funny I never knew when I was younger people thought I was too bad they never told me I might have had the confidence to be more outgoing instead of being afraid of never fitting in. I can remember wanting to die as far back as probably 7 years old, I was too young to realize the street I was on had very little traffic so laying in the middle of the street was pretty useless (obviously I was a stupid child) but yes I have always wished I was dead. My mother used the threaten to put me up for adoption all the time and I used to fantasize about what a real family would be like, how would it feel to have someone actually care and not tell you your stupid or th... |
| | Posted by anonymous at January 26, 2012 |
I was the most confident person on the planet. Then 10 years ago my girlfriend had a still birth with what would have been our 1st child. I had to be there for her whilst she was in labour for 9 hours, knowing the baby was not alive. It crushed me. I have a supposidly good job, teaching IT to delinquent children aged 14-16. I now have 2 boys and 1 girl. They are amazing, but I am constantly haunted by the loss of my 1st child. I have lost my mojo. I go to work and come home, same old routine every day. I used to play football 5 times a week. Now, if I play once a week then it is a big deal. No one cares about how the man feels when a child is lost. It's all about the woman. Whilst I appreciate that it was my partner that had the baby, I would of been it's amazing dad. I no longer smoke or drink. I am mr super boring. Lost Lost Lost. |
| | Posted by e at January 23, 2012 |
I have been here for 30 years. I have tried what seems like a world of aspirations. I have been overjoyed and hopeless. I have been enthusiastic and desperate. I have been full of life and totally empty. I'm at the point now where I am not any of these things. My life took a major turing point a few years back and I'm attempting to deal with that. I have traveled, had a variety of partners, truly been in love, had a full belly every day of my life. I live in a country with hot running showers! I am on the cusp of finishing a degree and starting a career for myself, I feel a little old to say that I have not met "the one" and started a family yet, I can't seem to stop talking to my ex (very stupid, i know) and i feel like I've run the gammut of thigs to imporve my situation (be positive, therapy, eat well, exercise, have good relationships, dont sweat the small stuff, moved away from my parents, self-help books, alanon, drowning myself in work, got a pet, ill be volunteering soon, i work with people who are much worse off than myself....) and yet I fee lthis nagging meaninglessness and dissatisfaction. its not dissabling, its not crippiling me publicaly but inside its awful. what else is there? what else am i supposed to try? should i just become accustomed to this state of being? any suggestions appreciated. id really like to move past this stage and onto the next. i know i and all the people on this site have a lot to offer the world, the question is how to get over this hump to do that. |
| | Posted by Kile at January 22, 2012 |
Ever have one of those days where you just feel completely empty inside. Like nothing you do, or nothing you say impacts anyone? You're not just invisible..you're just not there. You watch your friends get together..your loves get together with random, shitty girls, and everyone moves on with their life, except you. And you have no one you can talk to, because you know if you tried to even give them a hint of whats going on in your mind, they think you're childish and stupid. And you just feel so..entirely out of place. Like you should be off slaying dragons. Or fighting wars, or something other than this completely boring reality. And then you wonder..why the hell are you here? Where are you going? What have you accomplished. And before you know it, you're breaking down into tears, posting your story on a random website, just so you can let it out without being judged. So you can cry without others watching. Well, you can say days like those are pretty much my entire life right now. |
| | Posted by jane at January 21, 2012 |
In 9th and 10th grade I cut myself. I stayed up all night on facebook, and was unable to feel anything for other people. I was diagnosed with depression. I took the pills. But then I resolved to live my life naturally- I didn't want to take medicine that altered who I was. Then in 11th grade I finally found someone that made me feel, and I fell in love. I tried so hard to be perfect for him and his family. I made excellent grades, stopped streaking my hair with different colors, and began baking so that I would be prepared for wife and motherhood. We've been together for over a year now and I feel like I sort of lost myself. I didn't know who I was before I met him, but he made me do happy, that it didn't matter. Recently I've missed a lot of school because I've been sick. Which means I've had to stay at home alot. I don't have very many friends since I started devoting myself to my future with my boyfriend.
And now I hate my life. It's so stagnant and boring. I don't want to go to college or have children, but I also don't want to be poor and alone. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions by so many different things, that Im not the one living my life. I'm letting other people and things influence me to the point that I feel like what I want doesn't matter. I cry all of the time. I contplate suicide. Im thinking about ending my relationship with the most perfect guy ever. I want to shave my head and try drugs. But I can't- because I'm afraid. I'm afr... |
| | Posted by addy122 at January 19, 2012 |
I just dont see the point of anything, im not suicidal. i enjoy waking up and going to the gym, school, work (im 21 female) but i always ask myself why we go through a great deal to simply die and take none of it. i wonder if you guys ever feel the same way? Like a never ending cycle a routine that is never going to change. Also have any of you lost most of your friendships like i did when i entered college, i feel like everyone has a life but me. All my friends in high school are history i dont even see my bff and havent spoken to her for years, it hurts that they do not even attempt to contact me. Maybe this is why i feel like this because aside from my mom, dad, and sister who mean the world to me, not having friends or a significant other bother me too much. which brings me to the next point of my life sucks, i havent had a date well like in a year but ive never had a boyfriend, i really want to know what love is like ive never been loved in that way and i want it so badly. But finding friends and a boyfriend in college is hard when all you do is study study study. please help! |
| | Posted by anonymous at January 16, 2012 |
Is life worth living? I ask this because I've been in deep thought about since yesterday. I can't help but wonder what is waiting for us when death arrives. I can't help thinking about it. I have no friends, my siblings have move out of state and/or non-communique. My folks love playing around but don't ask what is bothering me when I don't speak. What's the point? i hear everyone's problems but no one gives a SHIT about mine. I feel alone. I thought suicide yet I can't commit to it. There's a slim beam of light that continues to motivate me not to give in. But, I have no drive. I have no ambition to be successful. In this world where ignorance, selfish greediness, and power hungery nuts rule the world, what's the point trying to compete. I'm a struggling 30-plus year old man who still lives with his parents trying to cope while my siblings are doing their thing without the repeating dialouge and/or playful silliness 60 plus year old parents like mine do. What a life. |
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| Posted by anonymous at January 13, 2012 |
I don't care anymore if I live or die. Everything I do to better myself just seems pointless. Nothing makes me feel good about myself. I eat too much. I smoke too much pot. I gave up drinking to feel better about myself but I feel like if I drank I would feel better. I would kill myself if my dad told me he would kill himself if I ever did. I would rather not have him do that. So I guess I am a coward if I do kill myself and a coward if I don't. I smoke cigarettes bec I know if I do it long enough it will do the job I am too much of a vagina to do |
| | Posted by empty inside at January 8, 2012 |
my life sucks i work all days to support a family that hates me. i never get to have any fun, and my girlfriend doesnt even want to fuck me anymore. i have nothing more to live for cause my daughter has lice. so i ask with all seriousness shotgun or machete? |
| | Posted by someone at January 4, 2012 |
My life just sucks right now, no idea why. Just all of a sudden it hit me. My life is just not interesting anymore.. no one special in my life anymore. They all move away, I don't know why. The most interesting part of my day today was walking my dog.. don't know what to do with myself anymore. Haven't dated in over 4 years, never was truly in love, don't know what it feels like. Liked this one guy, but that didn't work out. Nothing ever works out, so it's not really a surprise. I just want something to live for. |
| | Posted by Eri1180 at January 4, 2012 |
I wish I could end my life, I hate it so much. Even the people that are supposed to love me don't love me or care about me, my own mother doesn't want to talk to me and my father is manipulated by her all the time. My kids don't ever listen to me and their father died, lucky him, he was in a car accident and left me all alone here with 3 kids. I hate my life and my face and my body I wish I could destroy it and cut it into so many pieces that no body would ever recognize me when I finish with this stupid life. I don't want to go to work I don't want to get up in the morning I don't have any friends and I don't have anyone that cares about me. What's the point of being here what's my purpose I just want to eat and eat until I explode and no longer have to suffer in this stupid world . I'm so tired so so tired of having to keep trying and trying. I keep trying to make things better and give my family more but it just doesn't work stupid luck is never on my side I never fucking win I'm always the fucking loser that everybody makes fun of and uses and doesn't care about. |
| | Posted by anonymous at January 3, 2012 |
I'm 22 and i hate life. Ever since high school ended I've felt like there is no purpose to live anymore. People who I thought were friends don't stay in touch and more than that my family relationship is not that good. I wake up everyday and pull out of my driveway hoping that the brakes will go or il just come to terms and run it into a tree. I enjoy being independent but the extended solitude of it makes me want to die. Il be graduating in a few years with a engineering degree but then what? Just one step closer to being alone the rest of my life. I would off myself but there's too many people I can't live behind the world. Fuck the world. |
| | Posted by nothing at January 1, 2012 |
I don't expect any comments or anything I just need to vent.
I try so hard to do all of the right things all the time, say the right things be there for friends give the right advice, make the right grades, live my life right. I just wish I had someone to talk to completely about everything without feeling judged or ashamed. I am never right for anything. I try so so hard and in trying so hard i've developed an eating disorder, disowned religion, fucked up my grades, and am just a horrible person.
I won't let anyone know that though because to everyone else I have it all together. But really I have no friends that I can truly count on, my own sister doesn't understand and she was the closest thing to me before college. It's like college distanced me from my life back home and then when I go home for breaks I have no one to distract me from my own thoughts and I have major panic attacks and depressive moods where i become distant from everyone around me and I don't mean to hurt them it's just I can't be alone with my own thoughts because they consume me and make me feel worthless.
I have nothing to live for, everyday when I go to sleep i remind myself of why I'm alive and it's only because my family would never be able to get over my death. I have NO other reason. I don't have true friends, I don't have a relationship with anyone, I don't have good grades, I don't have a job, my body is no where I want it to be, I have the worst relationship with ... |
| | Posted by Same Shit at December 28, 2011 |
I am a 26 year old male that is here to say, life is a joke. Everyday is the same thing wake up do what your told eat shit and sleep. I am so sick of this same old lifestyle, I have been single now for the better part of a year, I have lost my job, my parents will not speak to me, and everyone around me seems to be better off than I am. I see happy couples in the stores and I think who's cheating on who. I see kids and think, you little bastards have no idea what pain staking horrors await. This world is going to end soon enough with the way things are going and I will be the first one to say bring it on already. I smoke weed just to pass the time, and it seems like the only good time I have is when I am so fucked up on whatever drugs I can find that I can not hold my eyes open. I realize my thoughts are random, but that's just the mind of a future serial killer. My girlfriend left me because I didn't ask her to get married or at least she says, in truth she had already found a replacement. I have nothing to look forward to with no money, no job, no companionship, just me and my random ass thoughts moving forward without a future. Oh well fuck it only thing I can think to do is bitch about it on this website before I lose my mind. People win the lottery, but not me, people die everyday, but not me, people make love everyday but not me. When is my time for anything? |
| | Posted by anonymous at December 24, 2011 |
the only way i found to feel anything is to get high i dont matter to anyone i have no friends i stay bored to death there is absolutly nothin to do i do have a boyfriend who i cherish but wow thats no big thing i stay wherever cuz i lost everything if i died nobody would care and thats sad as fuck why am i even here it some sick joke |
| | Posted by ll at December 21, 2011 |
i feel so alone with no one to talk to. when i first met my boyfriend four years ago, my friends stopped spending time with me. everyone in my social circle now is a long time friend of my boyfriend. it feels like my boyfriend has this huge support group of people who identify with him and share his interests, but almost all his friends are uninterested in anything i ever have to say. my boyfriend doesnt share my interest, and i dont feel close to anyone i know. I feel happiest working on creative projects, but when i finish, nobody cares about it, it makes me feel like i am wasting my time and i feel no sense of purpose. I have struggled with depression for so long now. the worst part of depression is feeling alone, feeling like all these things that are so hard for you, nobody cares or wants to listen, when you talk about feeling depressed people just brush it off and usually make you feel worse. after a while you keep all these horrible feelings inside, probably forever, and nothing is ever going to make it feel okay, nobody is even going to care, so you just pretend nothing is wrong and you feel empty like you are living a lie. its especially sad when you spend every day with the same person for years, and they dont ever try to make you feel better. my boyfriend wont even listen to me when i'm upset, i feel like i will live a complete lie for the rest of my life. |
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| Posted by Anonymous123 at December 12, 2011 |
Hello, I am 18 years old. My life sucks. I lost everything. Money, house and myself. The material things are not that important but what is happening to me is not to be explained. Everyday, for a month now, when I wake up the first thought is what am I doing on this planet. My existance or anybody elses wont change anything. I dont see any reason of us, people living. It is terrifying that we are alone here, nobody knows why or for what. All of us get to do the same things. We grow up, go to school, learn to have a job than a family and after 60 it gets really bad. Than we die. End of story. Could you find anything important here? Coz I couldnt. There is the same pattern that is repeating itself on and on. I dont live to have a great life and bring out of it all the best, I am waiting for my death. I dont see any great future here. |
| | Posted by Dead at December 6, 2011 |
I am a 21 year old female, about to graduate from college, I have a loving family (sort of), and some loving friends (sort of). I should be thankful for my life, and some days I am...but most of the time everything is meaningless.
I suffer from clinical depression, and I honestly think I am bipolar because I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up every morning. I have recently developed a drinking problem which I blame on my constant state of loneliness.
I have always tried making good decisions, yet I always fail. I'm almost convinced that I love to feel pain. I love to hurt. Ever since I graduated high school my life literally flipped upside down. I realized that I love putting myself in bad situations. My expertise in making poor decisions led me to have sex with a teacher from my high school the night that I graduated. This fucked up little fling lasted two more years until I got pregnant and really had no choice but to have an abortion. Best part about this man is that he literally did not have a heart and could not express emotions.
Before I actually became pregnant, I had asked God that I was ready to fall in love...so he sent me a piece of shit who used me and took advantage of my good qualities. He walked out of my life a few months later...and when I say that he "walked out" he really punched me in the face and set my soul on fire before he skipped away.
One month later I was fucking the teacher. One month later I... |
| | Posted by L-Walk at December 4, 2011 |
Ever wonder why some people are workaholics?
Why people want to find a way to make themselves pathetically busy, to the point where you are almost unable to see them regularly?
Why some people cannot seem to stay single, why lottery winners hang themselves, why celebrities commit suicide, why there's so much depression in the world?
In my opinion, one of the main reasons for all of the situations above is PURPOSE. Finding a purpose for your life, a meaning for your existence, something/someone waiting for you to wake up in the morning, a motivation to put on clean clothes in the morning and get out of your safe, comfortable bed.
The reason why im on this very site. I feel as if I have no purpose. I search, I dig, to find some hidden talent, some passion, some interest... I don't come across any. I have very good looks but that almost seems to be about it. And that only gets your foot thru the door (not in every case) but after that?
Today I had a horribly depressing day. and I will tell you this, I AM PMSing. That is very true. But apart from my raging hormones, underneath, I have some needs that are not met.
When I was younger, I always envisioned myself to be a successful, beautiful woman who everyone would love. I envisioned a handsome guy finding me and taking me away.
I am 23 and apart from receiving my bachelor's degree, I havent achieved any other goal. I look at people who have had the same time on ear... |
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