LIFE SUCKS

Now what???

Where to start? I have been married to the same man since right after high school. So over half my life now. We have always had amazing sexual chemistry but over the years we have changed into very different people than what we started out. Through all the ups and downs I have endured a lot of pain bc of his bad choices. From gambling to drinking to drugs to infidelity. I have fought for our marriage. In every other way he is an amazing man and a devoted father. We have 3 children now. He is a great friend to people, he fixes everything around the house and he took care of us financially. He is just an awful husband. Well now he says he loves me but he is not in love with me. He left me to go be with a woman who he says he might be in love with. He tells me that he loves spending time with me and he still comes over at least 3-4 times a week to have sex with me. He tells me he doesn't want me to have closure and he wants us to still be friends. He says he hasn't slept with this other woman yet.
My children are sufferiing terribly and I am so unsure about my future. I have medical issues that are very expensive and if I file for divorce then my insurance will be dropped bc it's through his work. He tells me that he loves me and we have such a long history together that he wants to continue to be in my life but today I saw him with this other woman and it hurt so bad that I can't breathe. How an I supposed to move on from my first and only love of my life? Who is ever going to want to be with a woman who has 3 kids, medical issues that are costly and doesn't know how to keep a man happy?
I have no family left. His family had been like a surrogate family for me and now they don't really talk to me anymore. I can't financially make it without his paycheck. I didn't sign up to be a single mother of 3 but now it seems that I am forced to deal with it all in my own.
It makes me want to die to think of him starting a life with another woman who has children the same ages as our kids. Maybe having more children and living happily ever after without me. Meanwhile me and our kids living at poverty level, trying to decide between paying the electric bill or getting my medical supplies. Without medication I would die within a couple of days but without electricity and water my children would suffer more.
Please pray for us! I feel god with me but not having someone to lean on and come home to is getting too difficult to handle. I have never felt pain like this in my life. How do I move on when he is constantly coming around? I'm not strong enough to say that she can have him. But I know in my head he could never come back home bc I would spend the rest of my life waiting for him to leave us again. How do people do this?