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When trying gets you nowhere

Posted by dargor at May 24, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Failure  Health  2012 May

I'm 20 years old and for the most part had a great childhood. I got straight A's and was known as the smartest kid in school. I was also a talented violinist. That all changed when I was around 14. My parents went through a bitter divorce, after my dad found out my mom cheated. I was tossed back and forth between them, and basically being used as a pawn. I developed severe depression and anxiety disorders, but since the psychiatrists in this area are so incompetent, they never came up with a diagnosis. They just had me committed to a mental hospital 4 times during my adolescence and early adulthood. During one of the stays they forced me to take a controversial drug which caused me permanent nerve damage. Since then I have flunked out of college, been fired from 3 different jobs, and failed at every relationship I've ever had. I moved 300 miles away from home to be with a guy and right after the move, found out he was cheating and only wanted me for sex. No one will hire me, school is so expensive I can't go back, and I can't even enjoy playing the violin anymore because my nerves are so damaged, I can't even hold the bow. I wish I could hold it just steady enough to play myself a sad song... I never ever dreamed my life would turn out this way.


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By Cursed at 24,May,12 09:04

This drug that caused the nerve damage- have you or your parents looked into a lawsuit? Give the "ambulance chasers" something to do, and find out if there is a way to get retribution for your suffering?
Secondly, get used to men only caring about sex. It's on their brain 24/7 and if you aren't "putting out" they will find it elsewhere-
Thirdly, take up a musical instrument that doesn't require you to be pressing against strings with your fingers. I wear hand braces at night to combat my carpel tunnel. They work. If your hands are numb in the morning when you wake up, they could help with that problem...
You're a smart kid- fight for yourself! If your parents are too self-absorbed to find a solution for your pain- you can!
Good luck-

By anonymous at 24,May,12 16:34

I play the piano, I couldn't imagine what it would be like if something like that happened to me. what can one do is such a situation? Never give up! Never! Don't go out without a fight; the world may crush you but don't let it forget you.

By anonymous at 24,May,12 23:22

Try its a decent dating site and if u fill out the questions u can get men that arent looking for sex

By anonymous at 24,May,12 23:38

I feel sorry for you. I have a 12 years boy and he plays piano. I'm the bad father who is having an affair. I have problems with my wife but I know this is not an excuse. You made we think about what I'm doing.

By dargor at 25,May,12 01:40

Cursed: I have done research about this drug and apparently there is a class-action lawsuit against the manufacturer. Other people have had the same damage, some even died, from this drug. I tried 3 times to contact an attorney about it but no one has gotten back to me... sigh...
I've tried other musical instruments, such as the piano, flute, and drums, but it's extremely difficult as I have no coordination. My hands shake constantly and I have next to no grip strength. I'll try the brace -- thanks for your suggestion.

Anonymous: I'm glad my story, as bad as it is, could make at least one person think about what they're doing to their loved ones. Even if I die with no money or family, I want to make a difference in someone's life.
By anonymous at 25,May,12 04:14

are you getting better? You must try to regain your coordination again, or perhaps you might try to compose some music, like Schumann did after injuring the tendons in one of his hands and being, therefore, unable to play the piano.
By dargor at 26,May,12 12:05

I hope that one day there is a breakthrough in medicine that will repair the damage and allow me to play my instrument again. In the meantime, I bought Finale, and have tinkered with composing music on the computer. It's not the same but better than nothing. I hope that if I can't perform the next great symphony, I can compose it.
By anonymous at 08,Jun,12 06:11

I hope everything goes well then.

By anonymous at 25,May,12 06:30

Every one has his/ her own story . There is a sentence in the anakarnian(a book from tolstoy) . Every happy family are happy in one way but every unhappy family has his unique way for unhappiness .
We should be strong and continue fighting .
Life sometimes does not seem so fair . But remember that God is with us in the hard times and there has been a reason that you be here !!!Good luck
By anonymous at 26,May,12 06:35

There is no God, you idiot, what terrible advice.

By Pain Management at 25,May,12 11:21

Dargor, I'm not sure where home is for you right now but there are several kinds of treatments for nerve disorders. One treatment in particular I know for a fact works well for RSD and CRPS nerve damage is Ketamine Infusion Therapy. It's something to look in to. Music is one of the most wonerful gifts the world has to offer. To be robbed from being able to create it is one of the biggest sins in the world. I wish you the very best in the future. You sound like a real fighter!!!!

By anonymous at 26,May,12 00:05

Now that you've lost the ability to play the soundtrack of your life which is self pity that you perform for yourself with your violon, i wonder will you have some cheese with your wine?
By anonymous at 26,May,12 12:07

umm grow up? thats pretty cold and heartless for you to say.

By anonymous at 27,May,12 23:53

And you're an self made idiot that cant play worth a damn. Now you can give up hope and go jump off a cliff and stab yourself on the way down.

By anonymous at 28,Jul,12 03:02

I hope that you won't give up on life, and that you will be able to find the strength to find yourself again and get back up on your feet. Your parents' divorce do not define who you are. The only responsibility your parents ever had was to give birth to you. That's it. If they did not bother to nurture you or support you then the only person you can rely on is yourself. Life is dark for you right now but there is also light and I hope that you can find it.

By Irina at 27,Nov,12 15:11

Cheers, nice to there are some gud guys here to support Sanath. Some guys are tklniag like donkeys. they dont kno about Sanath. He was the No 1 batsman & he was the most successful captain in Sri lanka. Am i right??? so just think about that he was a worrier for last decade he sometimes fighted alone to protect our team from loses so now they are not tklniag about that.i dnt like the captancy of Sanga(only wat i see) eventhou he handles the pressure when he is batting he cant handdle the pressure when he is in the field & he doesnt like to get others support. AS A CAPTAIN he has to get 100% from others not only performences the ideas too i havent seen much that hes tklniag with others when hes arranging the feild mostly with Sanath he doesnt talk with him he can have some gud ideas with point of tklniag with him he will retire when he want as he did with his captancy so now we have to cheer our players to the victory in this USA tournament so we'll support our team no more arguments ok guys.. this is our team we cant change it now so come on all now we'll blow out kiwis this tym hope Sana will come to his blastering form again with Dilshan Go SL GO . (0)

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