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Posted by IAmCalamity at May 24, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Loneliness  2012 May

Everything is falling apart around me! Everything! I don't know how to explain this, I don't know what to write. But everything is receding into blackness, my loves, my hopes, my self. This must seem ambiguous, but I don't have the energy to put very much effort into an explanation, except to say that my family is utterly in ruins, my friends are becoming fewer and farther between, the gap between me and society -- the ephemeral chatter of society -- is widening (still!), and I have given up all hope of ever finding love, of any kind or for any length of time -- this is no hyperbole, I see this now as a harsh reality; hope -- hope for love, for acceptance, for understanding -- hope would now require an enormous feat of intellectual dishonesty.
I am alone, I have always been alone, I will remain to be alone -- that much seems absolute. What prospects am I faced with? An endless nothingness without any point of reference; thought has killed conviction.
And you -- you high and mighty arbiters of what is and isn't pain -- judge this all you may, but you can't unsee it!
Disaster, isolation, neglect, lovelessness, hopelessness -- I must not only accept my circumstances, I must love them; if I can not do this, I am lost. To be exalted by nothingness, to be fulfilled by it, to be able to stare into an abyss and roar with laughter -- that would be a magnificent act!


Similar Entries:
All Hope Is Lost March 23, 2012

New Comment

By anonymous at 27,May,12 07:34

Wow anyone who is articulate as you are hasn't quite lost everything. Write it all down. Get it all out. Divide it into chapters and give it an ending, bad OR good. Might not sell, but at least you can try to "write it off". Who knows? Might be cathartic.

By anonymous at 27,May,12 23:47

Your life doesn't're just pathetic.

By The Abyss at 29,May,12 04:10

I see you staring into me, but what is it you seek mortal? Meaning? Understanding? You play the game of forms and that which you find shall always be nothing. This Universe is merely a shadow puppet game. A road to nowhere leading backwards to nowhere. A game floating in the midst of infinity.

Fear not, fair mortal, this is a passing nightmare. Even horror movies can be enjoyable. And you say, "But that's just a movie!", and I respond, "Exactly, but you're just a movie!". Existence is illusion stacked atop one another in an infinite maze of ways for infinite beings to get thrills and kill boredom. Your life is no more real than the horror movie you just watched. Bingo. One day you'll see..mortal.
By IAmCalamity at 29,May,12 05:16

Nihilist, there's nothing remarkable about resignation.

By Hubert Cumberdale at 21,Oct,12 05:20

Encore! Encore! Hahaha nah I'm just joking, don't mind that it's just who I am. But I understand your issues here, you're rather disconnected from society and thus you experience those painful feelings of loneliness and lovelessness but do not fear, there is a solution. Turn to God my son!! Hahaha nah I'm just joking again, as I said before it's just who I am m8, it's just who I am :))

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