LIFE SUCKS

Mess of a Life

My dad is an alcoholic. My family is poor. My siblings do drugs and what not to escape their problems while I try in school and keep myself away from trouble so I know I have some kind of future ahead of me that isn't full of drinking and doing drugs. I live in a shitty house and my friends take me for granted. Sometimes I think they don't really care for me at all, I'm just there. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror or even hear myself talk because I'm disgusted with who I am. I'm selfish and greedy and I can't help it. I try to be appreciative of what I have but I never will be. All I do is envy other's for their lives and sometimes I just hate people because they have what I want so badly. I hate my family and personally I don't want anything to do with them. My father is an alcoholic who has emotionally and physically hurt us while my mother only cares for herself and is ignorant. I'm fed lies each day and I don't know who to believe, everyone thinks its fun to fuck with my mind. I need help but I'm not willing to accept it because I don't want to be classified as dysfunctional just yet even though I know I am. I want to have a bright, successful, and adventurous future but I know that will never happen. Only people with money get what they want, they can afford a proper education from colleges and have the life. I'll end up in a shitty house with a shitty life when I'm older and nothing is more terrifying to me than that. I have no future ahead of me even though I do good in school and I'm ambitious. I'll be forever tied to this shitty town surrounded by hopelessness. Maybe I'll just stick around and get hit some more and told I'm worthless some more until I crack and kill myself.