I am almost 31 years old. I have never had a relationship that lasted over a year and a half. I have been dogged out by men over the years so much. It hurts because all I want is someone to love me just as much as I love them. My past experiences keep me from being able to trust anyone. Its hard to stay in a relationship because I get so paranoid thinking that the person I'm with will just end up treating me like the rest did. I suffer from PTSD and I have two children who have autism. Life is very hard for me. When I was younger I was abused by my aunt and both my parents were on drugs. I ended up in state custody, living in shelters and foster homes. I always look for love in the wrong places. I have made a lot of choices that I regret and am ashamed of. Everyday is a struggle...I smoke weed to help me forget about my loneliness sometimes but I know that is not the right thing to do. I am so emotional and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I just want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with....it seems like that will never happen. After all of my failed relationships I feel like giving up. I have a lot of issues that I am dealing with. I know my story is not as bad as most of the stories I have read but I know someone out there can identify with what I am feeling. I don't have any friends...I am in the house all day everyday because I am always so anxious. I really do not know what to do. I have stopped caring about my appearance as much as I used to. My family does not understand me so I cannot go to them without them judging me. I look all around and see all of these couples who seem to be so happy an in love. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Maybe it's because I am flat chested and do not have a big butt. That seems to be what everyone likes. I have heard that I am beautiful or pretty but I do not feel it. I am in tears now...I just don't know what do do anymore. | |
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