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Need to vent before I lose it!

Posted by anonymous at June 6, 2012
Tags: 2012 June  Poverty

Here's my story. I was born to a single mother on welfare. I lived with my mom and grandpa until he died from cancer when I was 5. We inherited nothing but bills and a 1000 square ft shack (we had to pay my aunt half just to live there). $100 a month out of our food budget. The house was old and it smelled and there were roaches and rats and literally I don't even know how it was standing. My mom went into a major depression and I had to make a lot a adult decisions that I shouldn't have had to. Like do you want a pool this month or do you want to eat? Yes, my mom literally said this to me. As a kid of course I wanted a pool for the summer but that meant barely eating. Just another sacrifice. When I was 7 my mom meet an abusive guy who started molesting me. My mom decided to pretend she didn't know. She finally got a restraining order on him 4 years later. Only to realize I wasn't even being protected by the law. He kicked in our front door and brutally raped me in front of my mom. I was only 11 and weighed only 60 pounds I tried like hell to fight back. But I was asleep and ripped from my bed at 6 am. I went to foster care which was like paradise only to find myself back in hell a year later. The judge gave my mom back custody. Why I'll never know. Her life was a mess and by then I also had a 1 year old brother who I ended up taking care of. Fast forward 7 years. I meet a guy that seemed to be the answer to my prayers (his family sucked) but he seemed to care about me and my brother. Here I am still with this man at 35 and we have no love in our marriage. I have a beautiful, perfect 1 year old son who I would do anything for, including staying with his dad. We are struggling so bad financially and we have had to apply for food stamps. Something I told myself I would never do. I also had to go on disability because I have Lupus. I'm just so sick and tired of this life! I also have no support. Everytime I think someone is there for me I am sadly mistaken. Everytime I make a supposed friend she talks bad about me or turns her back. I have no one. Even my brother after I dedicated my life to making sure he is ok, is never there. He lives in the same town and rarely calls or comes over. He has a girlfriend from a rich family and now all he cares about is money and things. In such a deep depression right now and antidepressants are not helping. I don't know what to do anymore. Losing my will to fight.


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 04:19

I feel so bad for you. It is of no help, but please don't give up. You are special and deserve so much better than what you have.

By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 22:41

what you went through is terrible but at least you have your current least you have 'someone'..some people have NO ONE and are just alone... so to some you're lucky...i have no one and im jsut totally alone i cant even meet a man...

By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 16:55

I'm sorry for wat you went through I understand you I mostly pass by the same it's horrible I know I had the feeling they almost did that too me at a really young age too
I hv no words to describe that's the worst thing ever
But I hv a son too I hv problems too
I tink I never get over it
You hv a friend here call me 805 907 9616
If u wanna we can talk
We both know how if feels :(

By anonymous at 01,Jul,12 20:11

don't give up my friend don't give up.if you do then they win after everything you've been it would a shame not to get up again.
find something you love and do it there is hope out there you just have to find it and hold onto it.

By anonymous at 09,Aug,12 20:38

Did the rats and roaches crawl up in your pussy?

By anonymous at 10,Aug,12 09:44

After reading some of these stories, I sympathise, and can relate with you/ everyone about your problems.

I'm 36 years old, male, caucasion. My father couldn't keep his dick in his pants, or hands off my mom, so mom had to divorce him, and that takes care of dad. My mom, 2 brothers (whom I never see) live in another state. That's my entire family. If I heaf from my mother 1 every six months, that's a lot. The only thing good in my life is my wife, and my dogs. I truly love them and all give me the reason to go on. But in any case, i am so emotionally alone.
I live in Florida, not too bad, but I'm desperately looking for a job that is a "living wage." I've been working loading trucks, shoveling shit, and any other demeaning, soul-draining, shit,shit-bottom-of-the-barrell, shit job you can think of hoping, wishing, praying, that If I stick in there long enough it will pay off. It dosen't. My job is so ardious, I nearly pass out from heat exhaustion almost daily. Work can care less. Fed ex ground ONLY CARES ABOUT $$$$ I'm soaked w/ sweat having to bring a change of clothes every day to work. I do all this making a whopping $200 a week ...if i'm lucky. Then the rest of the day I get to work my secong job, without sleep OR EATING. I'm crying inside every day. Every day I contimplate suicide. Every day, I look around I try to ask myself how the fuck did I get here in life? When I look at TV it just disgusts me. Kardashians throwing money away like it's nothing. I can't tell you how heart-wrenching it feel to sit there PISS POOR WORKING YOUR ASS OF JOBS THESE PEOPLE WOULD NEVER DO...and see people so rich, and so underserving. Only you poor souls can I relate to w/ this. I'm just trying to survive every week. Some weeks I akmost do not eat some days, AND SOME DAYS I DONT EAT AT ALL IF YOU CAN BELIEVE. My urine looks like iced tea, and I know I'm getting sick from this, but what the fuck can you do? Everything is soooo expensive, and THERE ARE NO FUCKING JOBS.,....let me rephrase.... THERE ARE JOBS, BUT TRY AND SURVIVE MAKING MIMIMUM WAGE. THEY WANT YOU TO WORK FOR FREE TODAY. it's terrible. I'm a nice guy, sincerly but I just have been pushed to my limits. i'm tired of everything. im tired of being jealous of the other guy. im not like that. But work my ass of and every week.....ahhhh...

I'm going on...
I'm tired, sad inside, alone, ...
If things do not change soon, I have decieded to committ suicide. I don't see a light at the end of my tunnell, and despite working 2 jobs, i can't support myself financially. Looking back at my childhood I would have never guessed it would have had a turn out this bad. I'm a tough guy physically, and mentally, but everyone has their limits. I'm crying inside. Thank you guys for just reading my sob story. Man do we live in a sick society today.

Oh,...If "GOD" shows up,...TELL HIM HE'S TOO FUCKING LATE.
There is no God. ... and for you believers,... you really want to worship this thing the way the world is?.... tell god to go "fuck himself" from me.
By anonymous at 30,Sep,12 15:41

try to become an electrician or a plumber.
if you are muscular you can strip in gay clubs,they pay well.also you can fuck gay guys for money as an escort.that pays very well.
hold on.
By anonymous at 16,Nov,12 12:38 Fold Up

please pray and don't say those things.God is out there you have to want to pray and call out for him he will answer soon, I will pray for you and your family PLEASE don't kill yourself that wont solve anything.Maybe you need to find a church in your area someone to talk to to.What part of Florida are you in because I live in Florida to and I know its hard finding jobs here because im going though the same thing you going though ans God knows I thought about death myself but decieved I wont because I have a son and I dont want to hurt him Please talk to someone I will pray for you and your family please stay strong.
By at 24,Mar,13 21:57 Fold Up

i know what you mean man. I'm tired of these piece of shit jobs that dont pay anything either. I actually found an entry level job or two that does pay but you have to work 80 plus hours a week on average. it's working for japanese based manufacturing companies in America. the wages suck just like this country sucks but all the time and a half and double time you make like 830 a week after taxes. not bad. yeah and temp companies hire for them portland, tn. other than that yes this country does not have opportunity. just have to learn how to love to be poor. supposedly if you work hard save and get an education you can make more or if your an entrepreneur or some bs like that but those are just pipe dreams really. it takes money to make money soo. yeah i wish the poor and starving would rise up and fight for what is rightfully theres. we could all boycott the corporations and start our own commune where we make everything for ourselves. stick it to the rich and powerful

By anonymous at 17,Aug,12 10:36

wow a lot of people are poor but they have a computer and time to write all this????

By anonymous at 01,Nov,12 02:39

I know there is a purpose for your life I know what you are going through I will pray god will heal all your pain send me a email if you need a friend or you want to talk .
By anonymous at 16,Nov,12 12:41

please pray for me as well thank you

By veltexrtion at 08,Dec,12 13:44

I am so happy to read this. This is the kind of tips that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that is at the other blogs. Nice one for this sensational looking write.

By anonymous at 30,Jan,13 06:06

im so poor i wear gloves as socks.did you know dog shit has alot of protein

By anonymous at 06,Feb,13 00:35

yeah i tried dog shit before i had notting to eat

By at 24,Mar,13 21:48

you have been though alot in your life. but believe it or not I have been though all of those things too except that I seem to be in good health. I dont wish I was dead either. I just live day by day hoping I can find some sort of job so I wont starve.

By anonymous at 12,Aug,15 18:57

WOW! I mean that, you've a pretty rotten deal, please try 2 hang n there, n keep your head up, if not 4 yr self, 4 yr son, he needs u, remember there's always some1 who's been through worse, I no it's small consolation, especially when yr soul's n anguish, but it's true, have u considered reading the bible? the book of psalms offers great hope n comfort, I 2 have had a rough go of it, so I can identify with u, aft I ask Jesus 2 come into my heart, n 4 Him 2 have His way, He began 2 turn things around 4 me, it didn't happen overnight, but it was enough 4 me 2 hope when everything seemed hopeless, I do hope u read my response, n maybe you'll respond? BEEN THERE!

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