I don't know where to start.
Left my ex because he got violet - with two kids. Remarried and had some violent times - what is it with my choices
Were still together - 5 yrs ago had some bowel problems and had surgery, woke up to surgeons saying I had a massive growth on my pelvis that was cancerous, but they couldnt clear it so game me a coloostomy - did it as an emergency to it was right at my waist - horrible - hard to treat and hard to clean. A few years before that my son got hit by a car walking home from school on the crosswalk and almost died. Pulmonary embolism at 18.
Got through that - got the collostomy - got through that too - and they did surgery and removed the growth - reversed the collostomy, my son got better and things were looking up until 3 months later I found a lump on my breast. and yes, it was the dreaded C. I had just taken a new job and needed it, money was tight - but after chemo and time off I couldn't keep going - so took a bit of time to recuperate and lo and behold my husband looses his job. We spent the summer looking for work, paying the mortgage and not much else and we finally both landed jobs. I get back into working and less than a year later my mom dies. She was an amputee and living with my brother who pronised her a home because her and my dad had paid into their home for years - well he decided he had to move, kicked her out - I got mad - and we didn't speak for 2 years.
so mom died in march 2012 and im just getting over that and then the light of my life - my shetland sheepdog has a heart attack and he's gone. He was here in the morning - acting normal. Like a pup - and gone when I got home from work - oh and a month before my mom died, ny husband looses his job again - in construction as a project manager and no work.
So here I am - wishing when I had the cancer - I had died - it would have been a damn sight easier | |
Yeah if my partner turned a deep shade of purple I would leave too.
I have some ideas on the issue, like end single family dwellings, maybe house people with others their age, or somerthing like that.
My life is such a nightmare, trapped in a dysfunctional family and became unwell and then no longer normal and dont fit in.
it's hell
people should't let this shit happen
Life is what you make it not what people give you or you happen to be the recipient of all good fortune. We all have a hand dealt to us with people availiable to help - use them or drown in your own tears.
call 2 buisinesses and inquire about work
try to get my Serving it right certification and
get an application for volunteering at the SPCA
for a long time I thought that I could run away and start over somewhere else
but
that just doesn't seem like a realistic plan
so
I have to go out and (not to be narcissisti) look in the mirror, which is other people and see how they will treat me, based the choices i make, past and present.
I have made some TERRIBLE choices in the past
so it's very easy to hide under a rock like I have been doing
but i want to support myself
I want to be able to pay $400 a month for rent to my mom
and I want to stop confining myself to this basement.
Broken ass crack is my favorite-
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