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Even the care givers hurt

Posted by anonymous at June 10, 2012
Tags: Childhood  Family  2012 June  Relationship

I had a sad childhood living like a foster child, house to house,no love, plenty of abuse, sexual, etc. Became promiscuous and rebellious; drugs, drinking, just plain crazy.

At 15 I was going to kill myself, but went to a youth revival and prayed and gave my mess to Jesus. Wow- He really changed me. Then I wanted to help everyone else in pain. Got degree in Counseling and Biblical studies. Thought I might be a missionary. Just wanted to help everyone. Fastforward; married a preacher- then allllll hell broke loose on us. Everyone stabbed us in the back, threatened us, tried to take our churches. Really really hated us. And so many of our loved ones have died. Our hearts have been burned big time. Now my 2 kids left home as teens and denied everything they were taught, my husband is cold and dead to me. He told another lady he loved things about her and kissed her on the hand, like he did our first date- that melted my heart because it was so innocent.

I have looks and talent but it only brings hatred and envy. I have enormous empathy and compassion- yet no one values anything about me. Now I'm thinking of leaving my husband but now he's all lovie dovie and begging for forgiveness. I've been suicidal most of my adult life- and largely due to him. Just want to share since I have no one to talk to. Wish I knew what to do. So sick of pain.


Similar Entries:
untitled story February 9, 2011
No one cares my life sucks August 17, 2011
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New Comment

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 13:15

just cause his a preacher dont mean his a man of God. He sounds like a stupid cunt. its probably punishment for you for being a slut in your younger years. Grow up and stop being so pathetic
By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 14:42

Wow, I cant believe how hateful people can be. For the person who posted this comment, You are discusting and YOUR PATHETIC. And to the girl, it sounds like you have had enough unhappiness in your life and things have to even out in some way. Things will start to look up for you, I heard this some where and I always say it when I am having hard times and it helps. "This too will pass".
By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 22:59

you cant even spell you fucking loser, maybe use spell check next time you post a comment. Obviously you missed my point. It's pathetic when people get desperate and hide behind the premise of religeon to atone for their sins. There are plenty of women who have had hard lives without resorting to promiscuity. It's fucking disgusting and is why this country is so fucked up. Bitches stop being fucking sluts and blaming it on your childhood. Fake preachers should have the balls ripped off and their assholes fucked by donkeys till they die.
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 15:01

Wtf? She's not a slut! Where the hell did you get that from? This had nothing to do with thw way she dressed and crap like that! It was about her childhood and her suicidal life!
By anonymous at 25,Jan,13 10:33 Fold Up

Apparently you can't spell, either. Last time I checked, the word was "religion".

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 17:03

Christianity is bullshit. Don't believe any of it - it just makes your problems worse.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 18:56

I agree. Religion is bullshit. Especially Christianity. And it's obvious, and why? Because here's what the fucking preachers tell you...
1 there's an invisible man... living in the sky... who created the universe... and he has ten things that he does not want you to do... and he has a special place for you if you do any of these these ten things called hell... where you choke and scream and burn and cry in agony for the rest of time... but he loves you...
So stop being a dumbass and stop leaving all your problems to him because i'm a atheist and so far none of you fucking theist have ever prove to me that god is real and don't call me a fucking faithless atheist with no morals because faith... IS FUCKING DELUSIONAL!

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 18:53

Don't worry about him, while God will take good care of you and bless and keep you and your kids, your preacher husband will serve his time in hell for disobeying one of the ten commandments. Just because he's a pastor doesn't mean that he had God in his heart, believe me I knows a few of them. Leave that hippocrate and find someone who's much better.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 19:10

FUCK YOU! All of you theist are the same! Never advancing to the next level! Just look at your studiedly! You completely ignore the fact that you have committed countless sins and ask for forgiveness just like that bastard preacher! And having god in your heart? Well I'll tell you what faith and god is! It's you. God is you, Think about it. He has the same beliefs as you, but another theist will have a different set of beliefs. That is why you know god so much. Because god is your alter ego. Think about it, think because I think that you are not retarded enough to not think.

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 21:39

God is not going to help you escape he can only guide you. Do not wait for god to "bless" you.

By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 21:47

God is going to kick his fake pastor ass, just watch. Leave now, if you waiting on a sign to do so then you'll be waiting. Better yet, put him out and keep the house, let his ass go and stay in the church even better... Yet hell.

By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 16:11

obviously this site is for depressed people and anyone who comes here is depressed, why would you kick someone when there down? So you can feel better, maybe less depressed? And why would you cuss god? If its not your god then leave it alone. Its none of your business. She wasnt cussing you, calling you an idiot for not believing, was she? Lift each other up in our times of need, regardless of belief. Remember words are powerful. They can kill a man. Wars have been waged over wars. Men and women have lied dead in the ground over words. Be careful what you say. The door might swing back around and hit you in the bottom. Good luck to everyone or as Christians would say GOD BLESS

By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 16:13

* correction * Wars have been waged over words. Men and women have layed dead in the ground over words.

By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 05:29

Since jesus helped you the first time around why not ask for help a 2nd time? Everyone goes through trials, christians do too, its how you respond that counts. Will you get angry and bitter, or will you perservere? Your situation isin't that bad compared to alot of posts on this site, you need to talk to your husband, maybe see a marriage counselor. Your children can still come back to faith, it might take years but if you keep praying great things can happen.

There was alot of pain in the early church, thousands of christians were killed by Nero, but that didn't kill the faith, infact it grew. Down the line you could use this situation as one to comfort others that you got through it, and you will.

God bless

By anonymous at 17,Jun,12 13:02

weed - nuff said

By anonymous at 17,Jun,12 23:22

Your husband is a self center fake ass pastor bitch. He was never into preaching nor was he interested in you. Anyone can claim something that they're not just to keep up image. Now he's gone and probably out trying to destroy someone else life. God let you seen what kind of person he was before the relationship went any further. If you ask me, you ought to be glad it's over and now you can move on with your children. Just for future reference, stay away from anything that looks like they're carrying a Bible, just because they look holy as hell they isn't.

By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 03:29

it is possible for God to heal your life and relationship.Pray!

By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 01:37

Man you are in a mess..I don't even know how to give you advice or if this is a fake post.

Its never too late to get your life back together. Just remember that.


By anonymous at 25,Jun,12 05:40

You are a strong beautiful person. Your children will come around eventually. It isnt new news that children of pastors usually are bad, sorry : / As for you, you can start over somewhere new with a new congregation and find happiness. Sometimes i think happiness can be found just by getting out of the current atmosphere you are in.

By anonymous at 04,Jul,12 22:47

haha fuck you you stupid cunt.

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 18:50

and my final comment to every one of you dirtbags who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By anonymous at 15,Sep,12 09:29

Hang in there sister, God is faithful. I'm praying for you that God will bring breakthroughs into your life.

By anonymous at 24,Nov,12 02:15

It's easy for the enemy to whisper lies to us. "No one values anything about me." This is not the voice of a loving Father....this voice is condemning. You are loved, so loved that the hairs of your head are numbered. You are loved so much that sacrifice was made for you. Jesus KNOWS our suffering because he came down and walked a life full of suffering and loneliness. His heart is breaking when your heart is breaking. The pain of this world is not how He created it to be. He has the power to change hearts, your kids, your husbands, yours. I'm praying for you and your family, cry out to Him and wait upon him

By Younq at 07,Mar,13 07:29

Dear Majic, My name is Gail Hook and I am currently enllored in the Hospitality program at Indiana-Purdue University Fort Wayne. During this fall semester the graduating senior class “Advance Food Service Management/ HTM 492” will be in charge of operating an Oktoberfest themed restaurant at the Holiday Inn located across from the Coliseum. We are open every Tuesday night -October 16th to December 4th from 5pm until 10 pm. HTM 492 is one of the most significant classes within the Hospitality program where emphasis is placed on utilizing effective management skills; creates a high-quality, profitable operation with well planned systems and highly motivated, organized employees. Simply put, it is the students' opportunity to display what they have learned during their first semesters at IPFW. Since the opening of the Holiday Inn, our program has been holding this class in the hotel's Mastodon Grill. Every Tuesday night for 10 weeks, us, the students will be working as a common restaurant promoting Oktoberfest as our theme. I am excited to share this new opportunity for you to continue supporting us as customers of the restaurant. For reservations I encourage you to call the Holiday Inn at 260-482-3800. We also offer a 15% discount to all IPFW staff, faculty, and students. As strong believers in our program we would love to see you every Tuesday night in order to continue to show your support. If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me via email at or via cell phone at 260-908-1281.Once again, thank you and on behalf of HTM 492 we wish to see you soon.Best Regards,Gail Hook

By anonymous at 12,Jun,13 07:18

What is it that makes ur husband cold and dead? Do u expect he's cheating? Its a possibility. Just b/c he`s a pastor doesn't mean he's godly/holy/perfect. What I noticed w/ a lot of pastor's is they are just as scandulous and horny as anybody else. Pastor's have been committing crimes like murder, drug and gun distribution, etc. They use the church as a cover but they do get caught. There's a pastor in my hometown who's son was busted for drugs and weapons and word got around that he was using church funds to pay for the son's lawyer and trial. No way would my money go towards a trial for a drug dealer when I'm not even into drugs. My point is that its obvious his son is no longer living/acting as though he was raised in the church. For whatever reason ppl (like ur children) will stray away from what they've been taught and there's really nothing u can do about it. Just like a lot of ppl, ur kids insist on finding out the hard way. In the meanwhile, you should look out and do whats best for you. Put your degree to some good use. I'm sure u can find a position at another church. Take advantage of ur talent. You also must know that the females in ur church are some connivingg and cunning backstabbers. They want anybody's husband, including yours. Church-going females are the biggest whores b/c they will not only cheat w/ the pastor, they'll sleep with the deacon, members of the choir, and any other male. And its no secret that these whores and men of the cloth will have sex inside the church. Whores are turned on by who they can have sex with: ANY MAN. Well, that's all I have to say for now. I really hope things work out for you. Please keep us/me posted. P.S. I may post another comment about ur childhood. I had a similar childhood so I know how u feel. Peace.

By anonymous at 12,Jun,13 21:23

Your talent and looks are gonna bring envy and hatred from jealous ppl. They don't want you or anybody else to succeed. But don't let them hold you back. Church going folks are suppose to be respectable and up-standing members of the community, but thats not always the case. Without a doubt they are hypocrites, liars, and back-stabbers.

I also had a rough childhood. I was what some people call a 'love' child. But thats not true. Actually, I was a mistake. Thats what my relatives call me behind my back, and its how they refer to me to their friends. Since the female who gave birth to me was unfit, me and my brothers and sisters were shuffled from one house to another. We, especially me, had to live w/ ppl who really didn't want us. Nobody wanted me at all. I was always alone w/ no one to talk to. They would ignore me and talk about me in a bad way that would make me cry when I was by myself. I could've just crawled in a corner and died. When I was in the 9th grade, I tried to kill myself by swallowing alot of pills. Can't remember what kind but it was a handful. All it did was make me very drowsy and sleepy, but when I woke up, I realized that I hadn't committed suicide correctly. But I didn't attempt it again. What I now know is that some ppl are excess baggage you can do without, so leave them (behind) b/c you don't need them to weigh you down. Some days I do cry, but its b/c I feel so much better. Please allow yourself to feel good about you. Peace.

By anonymous at 15,Jun,13 16:11

Why did he kiss another woman's hand? What if another man kisses you? I bet he wouldn't like it and he would question you about it. Make no mistake about it, there really isn't anything innocent about your husband kissing someone unless it's his or your mom on the cheek. Pastor's are known to be big-time players. They will screw every member of the female congregation, and those females would let him. Pay closer attention to him. You said that he's acting nicer towards you. That could be just to get back into your good graces. Men are slick and pastor's are slicker. Remember that.

By Nike?LeBron?9 at 14,Aug,14 11:39

" she said. and sicken or kill animals and humans. but they produce sons who are infertile which is bad news for the population. on the other hand,After a well has been drilled and capped, Moderate

By Air?Jordan?13 at 22,Aug,14 17:47

Colin Trudel Tasers kill." wrote

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