Life does suck alot of the time. I have a masters degree work for the government and a retail store. I book over 60 hours a week, sometimes over seventy just to get by and pay the bills. I lost 2 jobs in the recession, I had to move away from the town I lived in for 5 years. My boyfriend of eight years moved there to be with me and after I lost my first job I had to move away and find another job. WE hardly ever get to see each other or talk. he probably will never marry me. I am getting old (ok...thirty now) and want to have kids...or do I in this crazy world. One sister is an ex heroin addict of 4 years, another sister and her husband are cocaine addicts...my two older sisters mind you. My brother is having psycotic episodes...everyone thinks I am crazy.....I am a workaholic, I want life to work out good, but I keep working at a pace that is tearing me down and I fear that I am getting nowhere. The current is anything, is knocking my back three yards a minute and I am doing everything in my power to keep my head above the water and breath. I am running low on energy and am afraid that I may drown at any moment. I can't breath and have anxiety attacks more and more frequently.. I think I need professional help, but can't find any time to even breath. I am an empath and take on everyone else energy and that really sucks when you are around pissed off, angry, judgemental people. My head swirls and now my stomach and heart hurt all the time. I can't sleep. I am hoping it will one day get better...
BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS BETTER THAN SO MANY AND I MUSt REMIND MYSELf to BE GRATEFUL.
I am not sure if there is a GOD. I am afraid of the water I drink, that food I eat and everything else because of chemicals we had infested everything with. Life is grand. | |
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