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untitled story

Posted by anonymous at September 21, 2010
Tags: Attitude  2010 September

i tried to hang myself twice this week... but im too much of a pussy to finish the job... somtimes i want to dart out in the middle of traffic but i dont want to hurt anyone else.... i keep a bottle of tylenol at the side of my bed in hopes that when get drunk enough one night that i will lose all inhabitions and just fuckin do it already... i drink every night.. i pray that god will strike me dead or saten or any other being or non being that put me here removes me.. i find nothing good about this place...people suck.. even you thats reading this...especially me.. im so sad and lonely... i dont want to wake up tomorrow..


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By anonymous at 01,Oct,10 04:42

How horrible for you, I've been there, for a good few years I was obsessed with trying to end it all, not to die but just so the pain would stop, so I wouldn't have to answer to people, do things I didn't want to or face anyone because I was sick of them judging me.

You won't believe me it gets better but it does, I tried to hang myself, chickened out, try to slit my wrists, chickened out, took an overdose, didn't take enough threw them up, fantastised about jumping off big buildings in the Town Centre, thought about jumping out in front of a car, lorry, anything with wheels, thought about climbing a pylon and electricuting myself, tried to drown myself, everything, I couldn't do it, because I didnt want to hurt everyone, I just wanted to stop suffering.

It sounds like you have clinical depression, which is what I have, anti-depressants can help, so can walking and music. I was lonely that I cried myself to sleep, I cried in the shower and I felt invisible, sometimes I still feel it, but I don't cry anymore, I enjoy my time on my own more now, I use it to relax and think about things that keep my busy, like making Christmas presents plans, thinking about birthdays, pretending you have a billion pounds or dollars to spend and figuring what you would do with it anything that keeps your mind occupied.

But there comes a point when you realise you can't waste your life, and it gets boring to be self involved and obsessed with how much you're suffering and no one even notices, because they wont, only you know how dark it gets for you, and until you can contain it, you wont be happy, you never really completely control it, only manage it, so you can smile fake smiles at people, mutter fake hellos', discuss the weather, but you get a surprising little sense of joy that you held a normal conversation and to not think about the loneliness for a moment.

It will get better, when you are finally comfortable with being on your own, enjoying the time rather than feeling down, you'll be okay, only when you're okay with being alone will you truly be happy, your mind will always play agaisnt you, you just have to be smarter than it and know it's tricks.

Dont give up, quitting would be worse. xx

By anonymous at 14,Oct,10 01:01

Fuck you asshole, I don't suck

By anonymous at 07,Nov,11 18:05

I tried to kill myself today. I was on the chair and ready to jump, but the picture of my mom over seeing my dead body made me stop i feel disgusted but angry at myself I also have a bottle of pills in the bathroom that my parents don't know about Your not the most fucked up person in this world neither am I. I'm picked on judged everyday, tale things call me names beat me up and just about now im would be ready to do it ,but when i did i couldn't put my family through it
By anonymous at 07,Nov,11 18:06

Yes i have terrible grammer too
By anonymous at 12,Nov,11 15:59

dont be suicidal be homicidal

By anonymous at 29,Apr,12 19:07

I tried hanging myself last night. It didn't work obviously. Now I have a big ugly red mark around my neck & blood spots all over my face. Fuckin gay.

By anonymous at 03,Apr,13 16:45

yh same at me i tried to hang myself today.
i just kicked the fucking chair away and strangled for about 2 minutes but then i stopped cus it was too painfull. now i have extreme headache and my eyes are red as fuck. fucking gay bullshit

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