I know i wasn't always like i am now, because i had friends. i had friends and family who cared about me and trusted me. they confided in me. I confided in them. I don't know how or what made me turn on them, but i did. I'd make fun of my friends behind their backs. I'd go out with their ex girlfriends. I lied to them. I cheated them. I started doing narcotics. i'd be i complete ass to my family. When my parents found out i was into drugs, I promised i wouldn't do it again. i lied. I had never broken a promise before in my life. My brother is a sweet kid. He never wished a bad thing about anyone. I know when he told my parents that i was doing drugs again, he meant the best. but i am an ass. i am decietfull. i don't deserve a single good thing i get. The only remotley bad thing that has ever happenned to me was that my parents are divorced, and i used to get beat up all the time in elementary school, but that's no excuse for the way i am. My phsychiotrist (fuck me if i spelled that wrong) put me on antidepressants, but nothing changed. I still cut my self and i still like hurt other people just as much as i like hurting myself. Physically and mentally.
I have no real friends at college (haha, no fucking surprise right?)
and i am unhappy. not because i am lonely, but no one can trust me. I still play football with some people and what not, but they don't trust me. I want people to trust me, i want people to love me, i don't want to want to hurt them but i do. I don't want to hurt the people that i love but i do. I hate the way i am, i hate what i've become, i hate myself for making the world a more shity place than it already is. I deserve every pain that there is. If justice was served i would be dead. Without me the world would be a better place. If you ever have a boyfriend like me i am sorry. if you ever have a brother like me i am sorry. If you ever have a son like me i am sorry.I am sorry to everyone that i had to be born. i am sorry. if you ever get a chance to kill me, or someone like me, for the love of god, please take it. you will make the world a better place.