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I think you cannot have a life with others until you fix your life. God is not allowing you children because you will not or cannot care for them properly because you were abused and have not addressed this issue properly.
You need to be single, go to group therapy and seek years of counseling before you should ever attempt to raise children or have a family.
I don't think that you wold want to repeat the cycle of abuse, im not suggesting sexual, but the physical abuse is highly likely when you lose your temper. Children are not adults and cannot take adult ager with strikes.
God is doing you a favor, listen and hear him out.
You are not capable of caring for anyone, you are the one who needs caring for. It took only a few sentences of reading to see you need help. Get the help you need to heal
You have been handed an unusually painful deck of cards my friend. You have my deepest sympathy. If it gets better or not I think is up to you.
So that's pretty much how I look at it/this life on this planet . . . It's like a prison sentence. I ask myself . . . If I did something wrong/bad in this life that would cause me to have to be sent to prison (killed, maimed, raped somebody, robbed a bank, etc, etc - whatever it is) . . . then, well, yeah . . . I SHOULD be in prison right? Well, I tell myself that I'd try to simply serve my prison sentence as best and responsibly as possible so I could get out as soon as possible (possibly on good behavior or something). So I'd just serve my sentence quietly, and try to learn from what I did wrong that made me get the prison sentence in the first place - so that when I get released, I wouldn't do the dumb shit over again.
I think about this world, and this life, in that matter - metaphorically speaking. I/many on this planet did something something horribly, horribly wrong either on another planet or in the soul-state . . . either that or we're simply very, very underdeveloped, primitive souls that NEED to go through a rough time before we "grow up" and develop more . . . and because our souls are either evil (did something wrong), or stupid/ignorant (need to go to spiritual preschool, so to speak), we're here on this hell-planet called Earth.
When I think about our plight that way, that really does seem to make a lot or sense to me with regard to all the dumb, senseless, horrible shit that happens on this earth to so many people. If that's what this planet is - a prison planet - then I guess I'm trying to do here what I'd be doing if I was in an earthly prison . . . And that is simply be a good, quiet, determined, studious, determined, but respectful prisoner . . . Trying to do my best and learn as much as possible about the absolutely shitty situation I'm finding myself in (life on earth), and knowing that if I stay focused and disciplined, that I'll eventually finish serving my time, this body will perish (the sooner the better) and (hopefully) the REAL me (i.e. my soul) either won't have to return to this shit hole again, or - if it does - it'll hopefully be under slightly better circumstances.
. . . just my feeling on things . . .
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