right now it's 4:38am in the morning and i'm sitting here trying to bring to myself to swallow a packet of pills. The sad thing is, if i did, and ended up overdosing and dying no one would know. because i live by myself and no one ever comes to visit because i have no friends.
i have family and relatives but they don't give a ratsass about me. When i put it in words my life doesn't actually sound so bad, i have really low self esteem ever since my boyfriend dumped me 5 years ago for some other hotter girl... yea i'm still not over him. I'm probably the most socially awkward person out there and i can't seem to fix it no matter how hard i try. At one stage i thought it was a confidence problem so i looked up ways to become more confident with myself and tried those things but it didn't work. Tried telling myself that there are people there who have it way worst than i do but somehow i didn't believe it. I've been looking for a job for about 3 years now but no one will give me a chance (probably because i'm so socially awkward).
Don't even get me started on how fucked up my mind is. You know i actually fantasise about my sister dying sometimes? not becuaes she's a bad person or anything but because i may get some form of attention from others if it happened. How fucking fucked up is that? i'm a fucking horrible person.
i feel so fucking depressed all the time. i feel so fucking horrible and hate myself everyday. I feel ugly and lonely. I feel like things will never change for me | |
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It is simple if you choose to take meds and feel better, or keep trying to figure out what wrong with yourself and your depression in denial.
People don't want to be around those who are a buzz kill or depressed because it is catchy liike a virus. YOU bring other people down.
People are attracted to happy smiles on confident people. YOu scare people awa like a person with a plague.
Get some help, and read Dr. Phils book SELF MATTERS
My recommendation is to join a club, especially a local reptile society. All reptile club members are better looking than their pets. The nice part about reptiles is that when you go on vacation, you can put them into hibernation until you get back home. You can also carry your pet reptile with you in a small box or bag and they will be perfectly happy. Reptiles are the fastest growing segment of the pet market.
I can't believe the comments written on this page. Medication, God and reptiles, say no to drugs, that's for sure....God is always with us wether we like it or not. And reptiles....well, I won't even go there.
I've been dumped 8yrs ago, after an off and on relationship that lasted almost for 5 yrs. It certainly takes a toll on self esteem. Social awkwardness is a direct result of a lack thereof. Having no one to talk to and share your thoughts can make someone's mind spin out of control, that's normal, believe it or not. "Depression" is also a result of external circumstances not just a brain chemical enzyme production problem. Give yourself a chance, it's hard to meet someone, especially when you're as sad as you are. Good guys are still around, I swear. I never meet women, I work night watch in a lonely building. Life sucks, but at least people like us get to blow off steam on this site, right? Believe me, my ex-girl was indifferent, cold and egocentric (to say the least). It happens you know! We all long for love and are bound to find it somehow. Keep your head up and don't lose hope. We all have dark thoughts during hard times so don't feel bad. I've had them as well and I never acted on them. YOU ARE HEALTHIER THAN YOU THINK (healthier than some of the freaks on this page). I'll keep you in my thoughts:)
TAKE CARE!
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