LIFE SUCKS

Dead inside

It feels like I am already dead in a way. Like something is broken in me. When ever I have a girl in my life that does means anything to me. It always feel like I am the guy shes with until she gets someone better or til shes just tired of me. And I cant shake that feeling. Maybe it all started since I lost my mom three years ago. My family i broken since. I didnt realize that this could kill me inside like it does. I miss my mom so much. When she died. Something in me went along with her.

Yesterday, after alot of back an forth. I lost a girl that I love very, very much. She doesnt love me. And I finally got it. And now I know that my life will suck for a long period of time to come. I am afraid of the empitness I feel. And I am afraid of seing her with another guy. Just the thought terrifies me.

I want to die. But I cant killmyself. It would destroy my family along with it. So Ill keep breathing and suffering.

The worst part of it all is that every single day I feel like the best days of my life is already over.

I miss mom, I miss E****, and I miss myself.