I always thought I had a bright future. My parents and everyone around me was always telling me how beautiful, intelligent and gifted I was. I went to a private college to study art and design, I thought I was going in a good direction and would be successful - but I wasn't happy. I was anxious all the time. I worked sooo hard that I was wearing myself out. Then during my junior year I was raped by two guys at a party. My life came undone.
I tried to continue school- but it wasn't the same. I couldn't be the perfect student I had been before. I struggled with guilt, inadequacy and depression. I started cutting myself. All of the networking I had done in the design industry had gone to waste- I lost interest. I started focusing more on fine art, thinking that the tragedy had inspired me somehow. I made some headway and I graduated somehow, but had not made any lasting friendships in school and was lonely and confused. That was in May.
Now, I am working part time at a book store making no money. I have huge amounts of debt due to my private school loans, and medical bills from breaking my leg while I had no insurance. I feel like such a failure. I still cut myself and and I am so depressed, but I try to put on a good front and seem happy. My boyfriend moved to another city... I am trying to move there, so I am looking for a job there, but have not had much luck. I have no friends where I am now, and no life. I'm worried that my boyfriend will get fed up and break up with me. If that happened, I would truly have nothing and no one in this world. I feel stuck. I don't know what to do. I keep trying. It has to get better right?
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Take heart in yourself. Protect yourself, love yourself, because you are your own true champion. You sound beautiful, and hurt.
Life always has bends and loops and shitstorms to weather. If I've learned anything, it's that there is always something new; always some way to grow. Always someone new to meet, always something beautiful to do or see.
Don't give up. Don't give in. You are a wondrous person. Life is too important. Try your best, love and be loved, eat delicious food. Grow.
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