Well to start today is the one year anniversary of my sisters death from an overdose. I hadent talked to her for maybe 2 years because she was so bad on drugs that i didnt want to deal with it. I feel like i just want to kill myself so i can go be with her. The only person in the world i can trust is a teacher in my school who was there with me when i got the call about my sister. And even me and her are not as good as we used to be. i feel like im just getting on her nerves. I have about the laziest, meaniest, most irresponsible parents. My mom who i live with, spends all of the money she gets for me from child support on cigs, booze and going to the casino and gambling for her and my step dad who hates me. I have to save money from my grandparents and aunts and unlces that havent diowned me because of my mother so that i can but my own cloths and shoes. I did have a phone on my mothers plan but she lost soo much money at the casino last month she couldnt pay that bill or the cable bill or anything else for that matter, but thats all that got shut off so far. Basically my mother does not care what i do as long as i still live there so she can get money for me. I have not seen my dad in over a month because he is nothing but a drunk who does not care at all about me as long as he has money for booze. Im really depressed and i cant snap out of it, for over a year i have wanted to just kill myself but i do not want to spend eternity in hell. I dont know if i belive in god for sure but if he really turely is there then i will go to hell for killing myself and obviously it wont be better than this. I am 16 years old so i do have about a year and a half left till i can legally be away from one of my parents. I have no reason other than a place to live to stay around my mother or father. I would rather live in a small studio appartment by myself than live with either of my parents. Honestly where i live with my mother and her husband is a trashy trailor with dogs that shit and piss all over the house (other than my room cuz i keep my door shut and clean)and they are more important to my mom than me. I have about 50 cents left to my name because i had to put my last 5 dollars for gas in the car (because of course it was on E)so that i could go see my grandma and then when i got home my step dad took the car and when he got back he yelled at me because i didnt put enough gas in the car for him. Im so sick of this. I really cant even think of everything that is going wrong right now but i can just say that i cannot take anymore. I dont know how i can get any lower and the next thing that hits me is going to be the death of me i promis. | |
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i know its hard... but these problems makes u strong, stronger!
u will have a great future, just the only thing u need is waiting.
Now I know itz not Gods will and he'll call you homewhen hes readyBut the Bullshit and problems IHAVE to go through is redicaulous and wit out my child been homewhen ready Idont think ill still be here now so tell my baby tamika m. Williams DaddyS loves her.
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