LIFE SUCKS

Ephemeral

I can't understand myself. I've been under the tutelage of a fine educator and I've had a good upbringing. But after years of being tormented by an over-active and self critisizing mind I've gone to the best psychologists and therapists. Year after year I've been diagnosed with something new. They once diagnosed me with multiple personalities, but another psychologist noticed that was not the case since I basically change who I am each year. First I started out as a limit pushing party girl who had no care in life and that lasted for a good year and a half. Then I felt a sudden change, possibly brought on by a chemical imbalance in my brain, that caused me to withdraw from any human contact. After the change I pushed my cognitive functions to their limits, studying and absorbing knowledge as best I knew how. Some years after that, I've grown sadistic and am having trouble controlling violent urges. I desire power more than anything now. But there is a part of my frontal lobe that still morally sways me and I am tortured by my thought processes that have caused me to hurt friends and family. Lovers have run, friends dissappeared, family keeps their distance. I'm all alone in my mental prison. I'm on the brink of something chaotic and sadistic. Now the pain is growing everyday. My IQ spiked beyond it's normal capacity. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm starting to like these dark feelings. I need help before I draw blood.