I'm looking for a job. I have applied to (literally) thousands of jobs in the last eight months. I have always worked; I like being busy and I like seeing the results of my work. Accomplishments are a big part of my sense of self-worth. But lately I haven't accomplished anything and I can't even get a chance. Jobs I have not gotten include: Starbucks Barrista, Home Depot Garden Center Associate, Target Cashier, Ann Taylor LOFT Stock Associate, local restaurant back-waiter, the list goes on. I was making $20 an hour as a Supervisor until my job was eliminated in July. I don't have a criminal record. I don't use drugs. I have a BA. I have 16 years of work experience.
I moved to another city for a job offer that didn't pan out. Here I have no family and very few friends. My aunt was helping me out financially and she was just laid off. My mother can't lend me money 'cause my youngest brother hasn't been to work since he broke his hand and last weekend he drove his truck off a bridge and into a creek. Our whole family is waiting to find out if my grandfather's lung cancer is malignant.
As bad as the personal and family set backs are nothing is more depressing than the daily rejection. I am rejected for jobs that I am over-qualified for and I don't want but I can't afford to not have. Whether or not I want them doesn't really matter since I can't get them anyway.
This time last year I was happy (despite just giving up on a 3 year relationship after being physically assaulted). I frequently made a point of saying how greatfull I was for my life. I lived in a very nice house (that I rented until the owner sold it giving me a month to move out) had a good job that I was great at and was surrounded by fantastic friends. Now I have none of it and its not because of a bad thing I did or a turn of fortune due in some part to hubris or ingrattitude. I don't feel like I've made bad choices. I made the best choices I could with the information I had at the time. I do feel like the whole universe has decided to dump as much crap on me as is possible all at once. This life is not my life and I do hate it. | |
New Comment
Comments:
|
|
|
New Comment