20 makes me a little young to vent so I will keep it short.
I have nothing. In 20 years I don't have even as much as a GED.
I was brutalized in all 3 of the high schools I went too, to the point where I had battled severe depression.
My parents are both devastated by near death experiences and are out of work for good.
My sister gets knocked up and keeps the kid here while she's off partying.
I'm the only person working in the entire household and every single cent I make is literally gone the day after I get it.
My car blew up, fine, couldn't afford insurance anyways.
And to top it all off, my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me and left. Hell, who would want to stay with such a pathetic loser?
Out of 4 siblings, 2 of which are hard drug addicts, I am still somehow the worst off. WOW. LIFE HAS TO SUCK FOR THAT TO BE THE CASE.
I'm in constant pain all over my body and have started hallucinating. Crazy sleep paralysis keeps me awake out of fear of what I see. For those of you who don't know it's when your body goes paralyzed and you're awake but your brain is still in sleep mode. It feels too real to the point where I think I'm being attacked by spirits or something.
I don't have a SINGLE friend. In my entire life right now, nor have I had any in the last like 5 years. I have absolutely nobody to open up too or talk too. I work 50 hours a week, come home, give every cent I have (and I mean every cent.) And I TRY to get some sleep.
I have no game with girls. Like, at all. I'm not a freak at all, I just can't bring a girl to this house, nor do I have the balls to tell them how shitty my life is.
I'm so young but the rest of my youth is reserved for misery as I don't make near enough cash to move out nor can I leave my family in this situation and be able to sleep whatever I CAN at night peacefully. I have absolutely no plans for the future. I am literally day to day at a SUPER dead end job (a popular fast food place.) Making 7.50 an hour. No hope. No way out. No window to even LOOK out of. I'm trapped, I'm in bondage. I am in a cell, waiting to die. I don't have the balls to off my own top, nor do I have the courage to go push a gang banger in a night club to have them do it for me.
I keep praying. I tell God I say, "Lord, heck I'm probably wasting my breath but if you're as great as I was raised to think you are, get me out of here!!!" And my answer? Nothing. I know somehow, someday it will get better but. Ohhh boy it just feels like forever. It feels like.. Look. You all think I wanted this? No. I wanted to be the sports guy who scores the winning goal at the state finals, I wanted to have sex with as many girls as possible, I wanted to backpack Europe and go to Africa! I wanted to go to Australia and I wanted to get married and I wanted to help the homeless, I wanted to pass out the blankets and bibles and cans of food. I WANT to leave an impression on this planet when I'm gone, a legacy for whatever children I might have one day. But lord I don't care. I don't need a woman. I don't need sex, I don't need to see the world, I don't need to make a lot of money or move out or help people.. I just want to be happy. What I would give to be happy. | |
your's sibling's addictio n and if your sister's who always go for party that she should sometime do a part time
job just to keep everything run smoothly. Don't worry save some money invest in some bond or put in a saving's account.
Just don't give them money.
move out when you can.
When you can afford it, engage in activities that will help you meet people.
Self explanatory from there.
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