Through out school I was never accepted I was teased so badly I devoloped a fear of people. When I am around people I get nervous and talk alot always managing to say something stupid. I am very intellegent but people treated me so badly in school I became a truent. I went to collage where I devolped a drinking habit to deal with the fact that once again no one liked me and I was center of many jokes I was invited to only one party where they slipped me a roofie in my drink and raped me in the livingroom on video tape and everyone laughed about it and I made such a joke of. I moved to New York city where no one would know me.
I am quite attractive so I have quickly nesseled into a social exsistance. I was hired to do modeling and made a living for myself promoting at bars vodka and beer labels. Now at 30 I am on so VIP lists at treandy nightclubs I no longer model but I bartend at private parties. I get fired from many jobs because I suffer from so much insecurity that when my employers give me ridicule I just cry and fall to pieces and can no longer function. I work now for private parties because there I dont have to deal with a boss or co-workers.
In the community people might think i am popular because everyone says hello and remembers my name but that is only because they talk shit about me behind my back. I am 30 years old I am invited to differant parties every weekend alot men get my number and call me but no one has dated me for longer than three months except one man that later physically and sexually abused me. When I went to the hospital for an entire month not one person came to visit me. I have never been invited to a wedding or bridal shower nor baby shower, brisk or anything. Never been invited to a holiday dinner all the guys that take me to dinner end with asking me if I any girlfriends I can introduce them to because it is not going to work between us and I tell honestly no I don't. I do have 3 friends one woman old enough to be my mother one girl my age in Colorado and another another social misfit in her late 40's.
Worst thing is I am pretty and invited to come free to all the night clubs with free drinks people cheer me on when they see me dance because I am a good dancer and I hear around town people say how popular I am but for five years I hav never had anyone who is on my phone list which exceeds 200 people and every New Year and every birthday I spend it with strangers.
People dont like me because I cry alot when I am sober and I drink when I am happy I wouldn't hav to cry so much if I had someone to share a laugh. | |
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I really do hope your next life is a happier one :/
go without pain.
:)
But there are positives , as you said yourself that you are pretty ,, :) ...Having online friends are not that bad also , sometimes they do meet in real life . ..
Best of luck
Rishabh
rishabh1287@hotmail.com
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