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untitled story

Posted by anonymous at January 5, 2010
Tags: Bad Luck  Family  Health  January 2010

Okay, so I had a bad year last year. You know, 2009. I made a bad mistake, a big bad mistake. I had sent myself to the psych ward cause I wanted to kill myself. At the time I couldn't tell anyone. I left my mother's house and moved in with my boyfriend's parents took me in and even paid for my psychiatry appointments. I was diagnosed with bipolar in august of last year. I had to drop two of my college classes because things were still going really bad for me. My dad finally was told the whole story in December. I'm twenty and in college, I had me reasons not to tell him. I'm and adult.

Now that he knows, he's "Rubbing my nose" in this utter shit storm I've created for myself. He won't stop holding it against me. He says I wasted his money, and I've wasted my 'School money.' I did, on SCHOOL-I had grants from school I used for school. He doesn't care. Now I want to take a semester off and work to get money again. My dad still holds every mistake I've done in my face.
Yes, I'm aware this is a big mistake, it happened. . .can't I Just learn from it?
Now if I make the smallest mistake he'll disown me. Or something along those lines. I feel trapped and scarred to open my mouth for anything.

If I had gone to him before he would have yelled at me then. I'm really stuck and nothing seems to be getting better. I make one mistake after the next. I've relapsed on my eating disorder and I'm too scared to leave the room at my boyfriend's house. I'm really trapped.


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By robbie at 06,Jan,10 02:21

O.K., first of all, you did not make any MISTAKES. Having depression is not your fault and there is no way you could have caused it. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Am I making myself clear, No mistake of your own.
I am sorry that youre dad is such a %$#%^%^$$%. My dad doesn't believe in depression either and when I start to cycle he tells me to watch comedies on T.V. and I will feel better. Bug off. I know he is not as 'critical' as your dad and I am sorry you are going through this.
I wish that I would die because I hate my life but if you want to live, then commiting yourself to a psych ward was the best thing (and smartest) you could have done.Why can't you leave the room at your boyfriends house? Well that is all I have to say. I hope things get better for you and if there is someone to blame here, who knows it might be your father. Maybe when you were growing up he bumped your head or something. Anyways, maybe you stilll care for him and maybe you don't, but that doesn't mean you have to take crap from him. NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!

By anonymous at 07,Jan,10 10:27

Well it certainly doesnt feel good when someone misuses your money for others things. i really think you should have gave your father back his money if you werent going to use it for the right reasons, so i can understand him being angry for that. BUT a parent should be a parent, NOT someone who thinks they have the right to judge others as if they havent made mistakes themselves. He should be supportive but also teach you and give you advice the appropriate way, not constantly reminding you of your mistakes and that you are not worth being trusted

You are an adult, let your business be nobody else's but yours. If that is all you father can do for you, just accept it for now. you'll get your life back on track and you'll show him. everything is just being alittle delayed right now.

I don't really understand this whole chemical imbalance thing in the brain, but if you are depressed, you are just depressed. i dont think your brain decides that for you. there is something in your life that is making you feel this way. being depressed is probably a very common feeling in humanity. You have to stop and look at your life and ask yourself what's making you feel this way. is it your boyfried? is it school (are the books too high in price, is a professor just the biggest asshole you ever met, are you getting bad grades, is there too much work) are your parents not showing you enough love? you can't find a job? or are you choosing to feel this way?

I don't think checking yourself into a hospital is going to do anything but shove meaningless pills down your throat that probably don't do anything for you but run your wallet dry or make you worse. if being depressed really was a chemical thing, doctors should just treat that in a snap, but people still come out of hospitals feeling depressed but they wont evaluate their lives and understand WHY.

I've been there, i know what its like, but you have to CHOOSE to throw these feelings away for your health and for your sake.
By anonymous at 22,Jul,11 09:49

"I've been there, i know what its like, but you have to CHOOSE to throw these feelings away for your health and for your sake."
If you have not heard about depression being a chemical unbalance in your body, you were not depressed, you were just sad. Maybe you were very sad, very stressed, very freeked out, but not depressed.
Doctors can treat the chemical unbalance with pills, and they do. But in general they should only use the pills, to give you the strength to get on your own, and help your body produce those chemicals on its own again.
It is like after a surgery or if you are in a coma, the doctors will plug you to an IV and that will be enough to survive, but to LIVE you need to eat and go on your own.
And yes, most people should get out of a depression with a good attitude, understanding what went wrong, and how to change it. They have to stop blaming themselves for something. ETC. But sometimes you cannot do all that just on your own. When you are so depressed you cannot think straight, you brain will keep playing you and you cannot see the light, even if it is there. And that is where pills and therapy can help you, with a start.

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