Sometimes i wish i could just end this life im in.Im only 21 but ive to go through tons of hurdles in my life,mostly emotional ones.Ive no close friend whom i can call, text or go out to lunch or watch movies with.All my friends were the come-and go types i met at work.Once i leave the job, i dont hear from there anymore.Now my work sucks coz i the few people there dislike me someway. They never invite me to talk or have lunch or anything. And thats how things are for me most of the time.I feel people find me a major BORE. Why is it that i have to try SO hard to please people and find things to talk abt or do in order to make myself interesting?? I always find myself doing that coz people dont find any interest in talking to me nor make an effort to.In a group im always the odd one out. And so i always avoid being left alone with one person coz that spells awkwardness and silence. And its me who'll have to drill thru my head trying figure out what to say.People dont seem to even WANT to try talk to me.
Ive never had a boyfriend nor known anyone who ever liked me.I feel im so ugly but my only close friend (who now is miles away)told me im not. I try to make myself look pretty but i always end up feeling im the UGLIEST and BORING and WORTHLESS girl in the planet. No guy will ever want me. Sometmes i just want to give up TRYING to be nice and interesting coz it never work. But when i DONT try people will say im stuck up and proud. Im just NOT LIKEABLE in so many levels. People criticize me abt my smallest mistakes and bosses always picked on me (even some of my colleagues in the past noticed that). Ive always been a people pleaser in order to leave a good impression but those PEOPLE always take ADVANTAGE of that and pushed me around asking me to do this and that for them. In school and at work, from 1st grade to now, it has always been the same. At home my family treat me like im invinsible. My brother and father never talk to me and my mom treat me like dirt and treat my brother like a king. Whatever he wants, he get. Im treated like a servant 24/7, doing house chores and cleaning up people's mess. And if i dont i'll be lectured for hours and grounded. They dont even care to ask when they see me stressing with school and work. W They dont even talk to me about anything unless abt asking for something they need. I always wished i would meet a guy who would understand me and love me for who i am. I just feel a need to be loved and appreciated by someone. I know and i believe im a very giving and loving person but no one in this world gave me an opportunity to do that. And worst of all i dont love myself. I have extremely low self esteem but im trying very very hard to change. SOme times i just wonder why good people like me have to go through all these problems and try so hard while others selfish ignorant heckcare people gets all the friends and good life with no stresses. I know not all are like that but a majority of them are. | |
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