LIFE SUCKS

Abuse

I will be 50 in a few months, and I still carry the scares of abuse with me like a blanket. My abuse started the day I was born, being born to people that didn't want me. They cared more for their own lives to care about me. I was born with cataracts so I spent a lot of time in the hospital, with no visits from either parent. The 2 people that gave me life was cheating on each other, so they divorced when I was 4 yrs old. My mother always seemed to find guys that wanted to beat me, touch me in ways that they shouldn't, or both. School was hell for me, I was beaten, and made fun of, then came home would get beaten there also. Between kindergarten, and 6 grade I went to 11 different schools, I quit school in the 7th i was 16. My mom held a gun to my head at 11, I was beaten by a bunch of kids, and I ran from the school, she was called away from her job, and desired to kill me. The guy she was living with at the time stopped her because it was his gun, not because it was the wrong thing to do. The last guy she was with was the one that gave me the most pain, and my mom chose him over me. She gave me up, sent me away so she could be with him. She held a picture of him for many yrs,the man who raped me, and I was sent away because of it. He told me though, if I told her she wouldn't believe me, he was right. My life sucks so much now, I cant have a good relationship, I always choose guys that are wrong for me. I am with one now that has so many women it's not funny, I have caught him in so many lies. I need to get away from him, but all the crap he puts me through makes me hold on even tighter.