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Alone in this world.

Posted by mItch at June 19, 2011
Tags: Childhood  Family  2011 June  Loneliness  Philosophical

It really is sickening, reading through all of these stories, getting a glimpse at how many of us truly are alone. I feel for all of you, and I am sorry the majority of people have lost common decency... I am twenty-one years of age, and I am very alone in this world, both involuntarily, and by choice. I'll explain what I mean. Much alike all of you, I had a terrible upbringing--my mom working all day, every day, my dad abusing my four siblings and myself, physically, mentally, emotionally. Day in, day out, I was abused. Beaten for petty reasons, like not walking home a mile from my friends, just to find the television remote for my dad, or not making him coffee, or speaking up against his onslaught of abusive, manipulate behaviors. I have chosen, since adulthood, to distance myself from my family. My siblings all care for each other, but they are so messed up that they can't properly take care of themselves, let alone help one of us out, in dire need. I haven't talked to my parents in ages. I ignore their calls, delete their text messages, and block them from my mind as best I can. Life outside of the home was always great. I always maintained a mass-group of close-knit friends; I was the 'popular' kid in school, always dated the best looking girls in school, always went to parties, and everyone wanted to be around me. I am good-looking, physically fit, with a high IQ and have many hobbies--writing being one of those hobbies. After I graduated, I got a job, and moved out of my mom's house six months later. I dedicated myself to work, because I wanted to be able to provide for my family, once I had one, due to the fact that I lived in poverty all of my life. My closest friend shipped out to the Marines after high school, and life began to deteriorate from there. My social life collapsed. I lost all of my friends, and went into recluse mode. My depression, anxieties, paranoia, which I have blocked out all of my life, have come back in full force. The girl I was engaged to, beautiful, intelligent, family-oriented, cheated on me with a guy that everyone says was a 'few rungs down' on the ladder than myself. He can't maintain a job, he drives his parents car, he has a kid, which he signed over to his mother to take care of, and has another one on the way with a person he barely knows. He is dirty, unkempt, a drug addict, and constantly in trouble with the law. But wait. She cheated on me, with him. Why? I must be all of these things, and then some more--is what I ground into my head for a few months after our separation. I didn't renew the lease on my apartment, and moved in with a friend. The only thing my ex had 'allowed' me to keep was my bed, my dresser, and my clothes. Everything else, despite the fact I purchased them before I met her, was taken from me, including my dearest friend, my dog. My ex was the only person that was ever there for me, my best friend, my light in the darkness, my soul-mate. And I was cast into further darkness. Those warped thoughts and opinions, always residing in the dark recesses of my mind came out. I now live a life, without a friend, my roommate just a landlord, my family so distant and unknown to me. I am a severely depressed, broken young man with naught but a few stories and quotes to hold to my name of the success I have had in life. How could I have fallen so far? I am a genuine person, I put peoples needs, even strangers needs, ahead of my own. I care for even the random stranger that sits by themselves, or looks to be having a bad day. I go out of my way to make friends with anyone and everyone. Yet, at the end of the day, I just get taken advantage of. Where are you, genuine people? Where are you, kind-hearted people? Where are you, my real friends? I wish so desperately to pull down this mask I wear upon my visage, and drop this facade of being happy. I am just so tired...


New Comment

By anonymous at 18,Jul,11 14:07

You need to stop being a pussy and stand up for yourself. Women like men that are assholes. You were too nice and that showed her that you lack confidence and leadership. Most females secretly like being bossed around by their men and occasionally treated bad. You ever here of Stockholm syndrome. It is a lot like that. You were too availiable for her at any time and too nice and she found a "caveman" that she was attracted to and left you. It is a dog eat dog word and now she will reproduce with him and your line will die off unless you get another woman.
By anonymous at 24,Jul,11 19:42

shut the fuck up.
By anonymous at 14,Aug,11 22:20 Fold Up

what the fuck is wrong with u? what a retarded way to look at relationships...
By anonymous at 28,Sep,11 19:39 Fold Up

"Women like men that are assholes." What. The. Fuck. Not ALL women, because I surely don't like 'em! I dumped the last ex for that blatant reason!

By anonymous at 18,Jul,11 23:22

Keep your head up! Don't be sad! You are not alone. You need to love yourself more. I can't say that I understand you completely 'coz I don't have abusive parents, but our lives are similar in many ways.I had lonely childhood; mom was working hard, but dad was gambling all day. I was left alone in a corner far enough so that my mom could keep her eyes on me. I too had one best friend in high school,but I haven't seen him since he moved away for his dream college. My friends say that I'm too gullible to believe in the existence of goodness in everyone. I've been betrayed and taken advantaged many times by my friends, but I forgave them 'coz that true friends do. The fact that I'm here means I too know what loneliness is and what it does. You have loved and been loved by someone, even though that love is not true love. Don't give up and be a scorner of love. Live with your own principles and you will find someone someday. You have been through all of this. You should have the insights and the knowledge to see outside of the box. A reminder: "happiness is a way of life, not a destination." Goodluck!

By anonymous at 20,Jul,11 01:59

I think God could direct you in the right path. You are not alone. I have a daughter who is smart like you, but closes herself away from others. she fears getting hurt.

By anonymous at 24,Jul,11 05:35

You are not alone!

By at 24,Jul,11 19:42

dude i know how you feel... im always the nice girl that everyone "loves" to be around and at the end they all leave me, take advantage of me, take the few things that i have. I hate feeling like this, i've told myself i'd change and me as mean as the rest of the world but i just can't... ugh i wish people would understand us but no... here email me if you wanna talk, maybe we won't feel so alone that way riveraarely @ ymail . com

By anonymous at 30,Jul,11 15:24

Wow when I read that you care for the stranger sitting by themselves my heart sank, because I feel the same way when I see someone sitting alone. I am just like you. I put others before myself. I don't really have an answer for you, I am 23 and struggling with the same battles. I have been cheated on by every guy I have ever dated except for the one I am with now (as far as I know) All I can say is keep your chin up. You aren't alone! Try opening up to some people and meeting some new friends or reacquainting with the old ones. You seem like such a wonderful person, look forward and think positive.

By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 04:47

Hey bro. I'm just happy that there are actually good people like you out there in this world. I personally would not give up on finding true and trustworthy friends. Like attracts like, if you think positive (as in nice but not to be taken advantage of), then you will attract positive outcomes. It's when the times that are desperate that you should look the other way and think positive. If nine out of ten people you meet on the street are shady and one turned out to be a friend. I say go for it. Good luck!

By anonymous at 07,Aug,11 15:05

you should have cast pearls before a swine sir, dont worry if the swine (ur ex here) couldnt understand how worthy u r then it is her fault nor yours, after all u cant blame her, swines will always be swines, and they are happy with, u know what, than with pearls like you. you are just 21 right, you havent even started your life, so trust me men like you are any girls dream (including mine)and i never knew that men like you actually existed. so whatever comes you are going to meet a girl who actually deserves a pearl like you. please dont be depressed and all my friend and let her 'win' like that. some one praying just for you will be waiting for you somewhere now. so it is a matter of time that you meet her and then like a conquerer you will walk before your ex and thus take the sweetest yet the bitterest of revenges on her. good looking, iq of a genius what else, God! i will die for one of these... smile please (excuse my grammar sir, i'm new here) God bless you and i will always pray for you.....

By anonymous at 07,Aug,11 15:20

i love you whoever you are

By at 17,Aug,11 15:33

wish i could give you a hug.

By Nike?Air?Max?2011 at 15,Aug,14 18:51

The boasting comment kicked off a heated discussion among CBC readers as well as CBC Facebook fans.[

By Delores at 20,May,16 02:01

Haha. I woke up down today. You've chereed me up!

By Morrie at 20,May,16 11:10

Glad I've finally found sonhietmg I agree with!

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