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Cursed Potential

Posted by josh at June 29, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 June  Relationship

I feel like my life is one of wasted potential. If I hadn't tried so hard it wouldn't be so bad. I finished my bachelors in two years. Worked as a programmer for a few years and quickly worked my way up to a lead role until the recession hit and the company I worked for tanked. I spent a year looking for a job before eventually giving up and joining the military. Now I'm just your run of the mill soldier struggling to make ends meet with a sixty thousand dollar student loan. I've poured thousands of hours into projects that I hoped would make me rich; They all failed because of the most unpredictable causes, resulting in zero profit. I'm trying to perfect the complex mathematics behind my next attempt to thwart my doomed fate. I've read so many god damn self help books and have dreams so large and vivid that I can't stop trying but I feel like I wasting away my life in pursuit of the impossible. I've witnessed death and great tragedy but I don't wish to go into that here. All I'll say; They call me a hero but I'm filled with regret for not acting quicker.

Then there's my love life- or lack of. I've always wanted to be in love. I ruined a potentially great friendship with a wonderful girl by telling her I liked her. That Sting of that catapulted me into a world of self improvement...

I've read literally everything on 'pick up' out there. I even taught my self to speed read so I could read faster/more. I joined a 'lair' (group of guys that spend their lives trying to 'get' women). I approached hundreds of girls in nearly every possible setting attempting to start a conversation- I never got a single number. The interactions always died before I got a chance to ask, or they turned out to be too young or a tourist. I was told by the leader of that group that I had by far the most potential out of any one there- something I hear quite a lot. I also did toast masters to work on my confidence. Hell I even did door to door sales to build up my confidence, all of it ending in nothing but rejection and failure. I've spent hundreds of hours speaking into a microphone and then listening to the recordings trying to perfect my voice and charm and teaching myself to mimic the subtle facial expressions of the actors deemed most charming. I can make a crowd roar with laughter and fall in love with me- I just never meet single women that aren't already in a committed relationship. The best girls are already dating guys less intelligent, less attractive, less charismatic, less genuine, less honest, and more of an dick than me. Except my last two crushes; they turned out to be honest to god lesbians. I was voted my likely to succeed in college and all of my former classmates that would come to me when they couldn't solve the toughest problems- all have great jobs in the industry. This world doesn't make any sense. Even now people expect me to become some rich playboy one day but it's like there's something almost cosmic working against me.

I'm 25 now; never had a girlfriend; never kissed a girl; no car; 60,000 in debt; probably gonna die is some god awful pointless war. Sometimes working your ass off and 'phenomenal potential' get you absolutely nothing in life.


Similar Entries:
cursed or just bad luck? January 26, 2012
Lonely: student April 22, 2012
cursed girl March 28, 2012
I feel so hopeless and dont deserve to live March 22, 2012
cursed suffering March 15, 2012

New Comment

By anonymous at 29,Jul,11 04:55


I command you on your efforts to succeed. Based on what you wrote, your life is bound to amount to something, somehow. You'll see!

At 25, you've got time to meet some girl. The real challenge is to build a relationship.

It's not easy to meet women. The world is a cruel place.
As you might of experienced.

If you are abroad, it might be easier to connect. Most western women are self-intitled egocentric ignorants who are out to supplement their income.

Respect, empathy, generosity or an open mind are all cards being played to lie, manipulate, exploit anybody to ones advantage.

I've wondered about the "cougar" phenomenon in north america. It shows a "baby-boomer" generation full of themselves. The generation that protested against injustice are now guilty of millions of deads all over the planet for the sake of their needs and wants. ASSHOLES!
They destroyed family values, marriage, even the messages carried in the Bible. Nothing is sacred nowadays.

Thank you, western women, your life style is slowly consuming our planet.


By anonymous at 30,Jul,11 17:03

so stop working your ass off for a second. take a couple of years and just enjoy what there is instead of trying to do everything perfectly. i can't tell you what you might find, i can't say everything will be perfect, but damn stop stressing yourself out so much about it. it's not that serious. and this is not coming from somebody that has it all, by any means.

By anonymous at 31,Jul,11 09:32

As a female, I can tell you that you sound more of a man than anyone I know. I mean, a MAN. It sounds like you have integrity and motivation to evolve. Just stop trying to be someone else. STOP HATING YOURSELF!

Get a shitty a job and do your thing on the side until it works. This way you'll have a financial buffer if things don't go the way you want them to.

I promise you, you'll find a girl just as miserable as you that will come home to you, you'll curl up next to each other and you won't help but laugh at all the fucked up things happening around. You'll feel like you two are the only normal ones around. And for goodness sakes stop with all this pick up stuff. The smart ones can see through it. Embrace the nerdiness, it's super hot :)
By anonymous at 09,Aug,11 06:47


By at 16,Aug,11 19:30 Fold Up

I'm glad you already said it. Yes it is hot!!
Why not try perceiving reality on another level?
How about realizing that you did all those things to become a bad ass. Quit comparing your life to the movies or to what today's society considers as success. No more TV for you!!!
People are so brain washed these days REAL LOVE is a tough one right now. You can't force it. You have to love yourself first before you can truly love another.
Struggling moments build character. They keep you REAL! SO you don't have a car. It's just a phase. A moment. It'll be the last of your concern soon enough.
When did you let that take away from who you really are? Its only metal. Materialistic things don't make up who YOU ARE AS A HUMAN BEING WITH A SOUL.
It might be something cosmic working against you. Doesn't really sound like you belong in that world. You have to much heart.
The system was set up to do that. It's fucked up but true. They want you to stress your debt. Keeps them in control.

You will find your happiness once you throw your hands up in the air and say FUCK IT. Go w/ your gut and ride the wave.
I don't believe you have never kissed a girl.
Quit trying to PROVE to everybody else that you've accomplished stuff and just BE. BE YOU. Screw the haters. You can sleep at night. (if you take melatonin to chill that brain of yours out)
Try it all different. See what really opens up for you and not your $.
GOOD LUCK. I'd hate to see such great potential for the next generation to look up to go to waste b/c he allowed himself to let them get the better of him. LOVE OR FEAR

By anonymous at 31,Jul,11 14:48

- Seems like you are a smart man.
- Deep down I know that you do kno it's not that bad. You are only 25 for god sake.
- Think of the positives
- Bullet points your financial problems first, make a plan and focus on taking them out one by one. Once you have gud financial background you won't need any of the pickup crap.
- Just like what you do in IT when you get a project, you take the requirements, you list out the tasks, estimations, make a project plan and go ford SOLVING THE PROBLEM ONE BY ONE.

By anonymous at 31,Jul,11 19:18

a woman will not give you true happiness. you have been watching too much tv
By anonymous at 03,Aug,11 04:53

that's awesome!
By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 04:48

Completely asinine.
By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 01:40

I agree! But then again isn't life itself.....
By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 03:48 Fold Up

What is completely asinine are the double standards society has about women. Taking advantage of that and whatever "boyfriend" you have at the time would also be asinine.

But women call that liberation, equality(?)or even feminism
It's OK to call me names or assume the worse just because of my gender but lord forbids that pointing out women's bullcrap I suddenly become very dangerous.

Sometimes, I'll read an article in the paper about awful disgusting crimes against life, of any gender. Sometimes I wonder if these cruel events are solely perpertrated and used to label the rest of us with whatever pathologies (mental or otherwise) the system can come up with.

Where to go? Who to talk to? NO ONE!!!!!!


By anonymous at 07,Aug,11 21:24

What I meant by 'asinine' is any instance of overgeneralization, e.g. the words written above.
By anonymous at 08,Aug,11 07:11

I wish I could agree.

"guy" vents about woman = sexism

woman vents on "guys" = liberated feminist

I'm just stating the obvious for some.

so please.....

By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 18:53

My last 7 years have paralleled a lot of what you wrote here.
One piece of advice: chill out on the pussy quest. It's clouding your judgement and can - CAN - lead to a nervous breakdown if you let it consume your mental energy all the time.
It doesn't matter if you were valedictorian, dated models, or had two dual action cocks in college. If you started between 2004 and 2006, you're fucked until you make your own opportunity and it sticks. Myself and plenty of friends have nit a bunch of walls since we've graduated. Just gotta keep plugging and doing what you CAN do. I'm currently a mid-level warehouse employee at a distributorship. Nothing to be proud of but it's paying the bills. The only one that's doing alright is the one who became a cop, since there are so many more broke people committing crimes.
By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 01:38

The coolest post of the month, RIGHT THERE!!!
Spontaneous honesty, how refreshing.

By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 13:09

there is no point in living this fucked up life better to commit sucide y jumping in front of train, i am gonna do it sooner and be free from this fucked up world
By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 21:30


Hang on, bud!



By anonymous at 06,Aug,11 09:16

Geez your freaking in your mid twenties, wring out your crying towel and keep trying. By the way stalking women the way you do is bound to end badly everytime. You meet a girl by finding someone with similar interests in life but that may be hard in the sandbox dude. When you get back stateside stop trying so hard to meet Miss Right and you'll find her....
By anonymous at 09,Aug,11 06:52

not true,
miss right doesn't exist!

Loneliness and despair are awaiting!

Women are assholes, espescially in north america.

self-serving hypocrites.

child labor serves their shopping needs, women are slave makers!

By anonymous at 06,Aug,11 20:15

Don't give up... You are not alone, and your life does not suck. Keep trying and BELIEVE that someday, someday that potential energy will turn kinetic and propel you to the greatness you are destined to attain!

By Diego at 27,Nov,12 11:37

Sep02Debra I was going for my second trentmeat but could not have due to my heart arythmia ( high heart rate and outpatient clinic). Over the past two years there has been alot of advancement on the trentmeat end and I wanted to see if I could get more results. I am still wheelchair bound but do have some improvement making my quality of life better.

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