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Your good days are NOT behind you. And hey, at least you've had a girlfriend. (I haven't.) That means you can love, so you will probably love again.
I believe there is evil in the world. It sounds like you've seen it firsthand. I believe that darkness wants to take deep, brave people out so that they can't fight anymore. It's gunning for you hard, so obviously you're a threat. It doesn't want you around to affect the future and let your experiences help you relate to other people who are hurting. It doesn't want you to possibly save a life. Don't let those dark bastards win. :)
Hang in there man. You have thoughts, feelings and interests and guilt can't take them all away unless you deserve it, and you don't. You can't erase things but you can come to terms with them. Learn to understand what happened and where your involvement begins and ends so you can move on from it. The army has had it's cold use of you but it's not your responsibility, you were pushed into the situations you faced. You just have to learn that.
Try and eat well and stay in shape even if you can't bring yourself to joy. You need your health and energy to start with. Talk to that cute girl above! Talk to a professional and think of the Vietnam veteran. Talk to some of those people if they're able for it. They're experienced.
Thank you for your selfless service. War, whether on the battlefield in Iraq or in our minds can rage on with no plan. There is no simple answer to your pain and fear. As you learned courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to do what needs to be done in spite of it.
Not many people can understand where you have been, but they offer their advise anyway creating more confusion and frustration. I have been in some bad places in my life. I have been in the lowest place of all. I have tried everything in my own strength to bury and kill the pain and nothing worked. Until Jesus. I am not talking about a circle of prayers, or becoming a religious robot. I am speaking of the only true and living God. A personal relationship with Jesus. No promises that it will be easy, but promises you have a great and awesome friend who becomes your strength and your peace....yet He leaves the choice to follow Him up to us. Jeremiah 29:11-14a. Peace brother.
I haven't kissed a guy or had sex in a long time, and I'm older than you. Try not to let the internet be your source for friends, which I have to stop too. You've done a lot at a young age, don't quit now!
Instead, I came home and got out with nothing but nightmares. And pester of questions from everyone, wondering if I killed anyone.
I don't have a life now either. Nor girlfriend. Everyday I wake up wishing I should've been killed there in that field.
You're not alone. Keep your head up.
If you can get over the killings you committed you still have a full life ahead of you. You have a good opportunity to learn. i think you might be alright. If I could trade places with you, I think I would.