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Fuck My Life

Posted by Madison at September 5, 2011
Tags: Juvenile problems  2011 September

Ok I know my life does`nt suck as bad as most people that write stories here, but please don`t tell me whether my life sucks or not. I just need to vent. I get frustrated when I see those numbers. I have no idea what went wrong with my social life, but I have always been quiet. I hardly have any friends, and the friends I have won`t talk to me unless I talk to them. I get chronic depression and every time I think about suiside. I think I would be more of a pussy to not kill myself then to actually do it. Every day I go to school I just do what i`m suppost to do, go to classes, get work done. I never talk to anyone in the halls or in class. I go home, and don`t do anything after school except go to a little game club and then church. I have never talked to friends much in the halls on the way to class and i`m in 10th grade! Depression hit me hard yesterday at church. My friends did`nt talk to me at all without me talking to them. My best friend did`nt even really talk to me at all. She would rather hang out with this girl she hates most of the time but still calls her her friend and that made me feel like shit. Yesterday at church I felt like no one gave a shit about me except my family, then I remembered the whole youth group praying for me the wednesday before. I eventually gave up on them. I`m not talking to them until they talk to me. I get chronic joint pain that interferes with my day. It`s been crippling before. I can`t just stop writing notes in my history class, or in geometry class. Writing makes it worse sometimes. My elbow and wrist is hurting at the moment as i`m writing this. I also suffer from fatique and I have to eat something to feel better and not dead. I have to count my calories and protein which can be a pain and now i can`t eat out unless I know the nutritional value of it. I also never see my friends anymore much in school besides at lunch. It`s very lonley to be me in class when I don`t have any work to do. I`m so shy. Whenever i`m bored in class, when i`m done with my work, i just sit there or write in my notebook. I feel like it`s my only friend. No one ever texts me anymore, and in turn, I stopped texting them. I have no idea what to do with the extra minutes. The 3rd week of school starts tommarow and I have`nt made any friends yet. I only have 5 friends that I can think of that I see anymore and my best friend hardly ever talks to me. It makes me feel so hurt that she would rather hang out with some bitch than me. I feel too depressed to talk to anyone sometimes except my mom`s boyfriend. He`s the only one that can really bring out the non-depressed part of me, except maybe my teachers from last year and the guy I like. I have to take 6 pills every week day and 4 on the weekends. 2 melatonins, 2 st johns wort, a super B-complex pill for energy, and something called stress tabs energy. I`m such a loser. I don`t have a life and my mom can never take us anywhere on the weekend because she has hypoglycemia, arthritis, and fibermialgia. I feel like a waste of life and that I won`t have a real purpose in the world until I get my dream job when i`m like, 23 or somethting. If I could get some advice that would be really great.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 01,Nov,11 01:10

Chin up! You are unique and amazing, those who can't see that are dull. FInd your core values and focus on them. You will soon be around people that matter. Trust me!


By at 01,Nov,11 09:11

Hey...
U r unique...
Fuck those who dont understand you...just kick them...and try to see the good part in life....my life also sucks & you cant even imagine what I m goin through but..No complaints..!!
I just say one thing to my life .....try me..!!
if still u feel alone nd depressed thn mail me...we cn be mail-friends...ok..
My mail id is...manojishulk@gmail.com
Best of luck...


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By best pron at 19,Apr,19 04:55

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By suba suba at 07,Nov,19 14:54

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New Comment