Life has sucked right from he beginning. My mother is a junkie and let my grandparents take over so they were legally our (me and my sister) guardians without even putting up a fight. She chose drugs over us abandoned us and moved to another country, which to be fair was abit of a relief since i was the oe looking after me and my little sister from the age of 5. I got bullied my whole life because i had no confidence. I had glasses spots and braces all throughout school. My grandparents found my little sisters dad and she moved over there, i was glad for her but at the same time she was the person i was closest to and i felt abandoned yet again. My grandparents were very strict with me (i'm half asian, says it all). They made me change school and go to a catholic school so as you can imagine it was pretty fucking awesome being the only "coloured" person there and gave them more reason for bullying. I Literally had no friends, my gran was always working or at the bingo and my granda was not someone you sat in a room and chatted with, i had no-one. The older i got the more strict they became. When i eventually made a friend I was not allowed to go out or to theit house which cause tension in the friendship because she seen it as my fault and couldn't understand. I then had a group of friends as i got a bit older (15/16) i was still nt allowed out with them. When we all turned 18 and they were experiencing new things like drinking, going out, boyfriends, you know normal stuff that everyone goes through, i was stuck sitting in a house myself looking at 4 walls. my mother ended up back on the scene, she had a baby boy at the age of 41. i refused to see him at first because i didn't want to get close and then for her to run away. my family talked me into seeing him and i did, i loved him so much, he looked just like my little sister when she was a baby. 5 months later and she attemepted to commit suicide, my little brother was taken into care and we haven't seen him since. while all this was happening i was in college i found a guy i really liked and who liked me back. my first boyfriend at the age of 22. i finally was gaining confidence and had a good group of friends. When my grandparents found out they threw me out with 10 bags of my posessions. I work 25 hours a week so couldn't afford anything let alone somewhere to live. i had to move in with my boyfriend which cause a lot of problems since we were only seeing each other 6 months. I now just live between friends and my boyfriend and i are still finding things really difficult a year on. i'm so confused and don't know what to do, i'm ill all the time because i'm constantly steessed out, i've been applying for every job im qualified to do but as we all know jobs are hard to come by the now. life is shit, i wish i had a bit of luck for even a short fucking period of my life. why can't i just have a fucking break from it all? | |
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