I am so sad today. Not that I am happy on other days. It is just that I am really sad right now. I hate crying, it never makes me feel better. My best friends are my two cats, Sammy and Tigger. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I could go into details, but I am sure I will get people who tell I have nothing to be sad about. It doesn't change the fact that even though I am a guy, I just want someone to hold me. I can't even not cry while I type this. I hate my life. I think I would be a pretty good boyfriend and a really good dad. I just don't want to get divorced. So I guess since I think about divorce I would not be that great of a significant other. Because if I was good ,you would think that I would stick with it even in the bad times. No, I give up to easy. I hate me. Everytime I see little kids I get sad because I know I would be a pretty good dad. But I just have this feeling that it will never happen for me. I hate being sad. It makes me even sadder. I wish I could've decided if I wanted to be born. But no, I did not get the choice. And know I get to live with it. I guess it could be worse. I only thought about death a number of times THIS winter. And with all of this rain in the last few days, I am suprised that it is not on my mind 24/7. I can hug my cats when I get sad, but I don't think that they get how sad I am. My heart aches. I feel like someone broke it. But I don't even know anyone that could.