I really don't see any reason not to end it at this stage, its been 13 years when things 1st turned to shit for me and nothings gotten any better since, Iv been alone for 13 years, depressed n suicidal for most of those years, u hold out thinking things have to get better n then u reach 29 n realize this is it, my mom died when I was a kid not that I care now but I'm pretty sure that's what caused my downfall, I remember been 15 n totally lost n not having a clue what's wrong and then turning to a hypnotherapist for help thinking I had lost my self confidence and that's what was wrong..fuck me!!, most people have a mom they can turn to for help in life never having anyone to turn to or open up to about whatever is wrong and so problems escalate and create even more problems, I never even got to sleep with anyone, I spent my entire teens seriously debating when I was gunna top myself instead of being happy n chasing girls, whatever trace of sexuality I once had died out 9 years ago, I look at all the people I once knew before I first became withdrawn n depressed, all the guys I was in school with didn't come anyway near close to me in terms of intellect personality and ability but yet all progressed and most now have reasonably successful happy lives with meaning full relationships, even the biggest of retards managed to reproduce, so what's the difference between me getting my life cut short and them??, Well I'm in my mid teens, the most important person that should be in my life is not there and so I am no longer a happy bunny but not realizing this at the time and there being nobody else to turn to I'm still just a kid on my own trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong and why is my life turning to shit while everyone else with the slightest hiccup had there mom there to fix shit, I ended up completely alone crying my fucking eyes out everyday n fucking night, I numbed up quickly haven't felt shit since, couldn't leave the house for years, developed serious anxiety/depressive disorders, that was 13 years ago n now I'm still completely alone, what the fuck!!! is there no Justice in life, is there no force that balances shit out and sets things right?, No there's not because all there is is just us and the people supposed to be there looking out for us, I remember my original downfall and being literally gutted at what was happening to me, been in complete dis-belief, I had a confidence level that couldn't be touched, charisma coming out my ass then boom I get completely destroyed, I'm now a 29 year old virgin still with no mates...aw fuck it. | |
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