I'm a 20 year old loser. I have no friends at all. I am too pathetic to even have a facebook because I would struggle to get more than 10 friends. I am the definiton of a leech. I don't go to school or work. I live with my mother, my 17 year old girlfriend, and our 2 year old son. I had one really good friend throughout my life. We had been best friends since the second grade. Well, he died from a lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis this April. I feel lost and have no one that I can really talk to like we did. My father and his entire side of the family have disowned me since I was about 15. I feel like my girlfriend is just using me for a stable place to live and my mother's money. Because she has nowhere else to go because her mother is dead and her father is incarcerated. I feel that once she is out of college and making good money she will drop me like nothing. I have no rights to my son because I am not on his birth certificate because it would lead to legal problems for me. I hate life. I hate being a leech. I hate that my son will not be able to look up to me and be proud of me because I am a fucking failure. I cannot stand the thought of another guy being in the picture and trying to raise my son. I would feel like blowing his and my girlfriend's brains out with my AK-47. But what would that solve? That would leave my son with a dead mother and an incarcerated father, just like she grew up with. I am socially awkward. Hate being out in public. I feel like the only thing I do right is be there for my son. I take great care of him and stay home with him every day while my girlfriend is at school or work. I love him so much and want him to have a good life. I feel like such a failure for not going to college and making something of myself, but I hate social situations so much. I get sick to my stomach and often get diarrhea. Oh, and by the way. My mother is an alcoholic and I worry about her losing her nursing job every day. If that happens, we will all be fucked! So bottom line is: I'm a piece of shit, going nowhere in life, my girlfriend will probably leave me within a couple of years, I have no income, and no ambition. Before I had my son I was too much of a coward to kill myself. Now I wouldn't even think of it because I want to be there for him as much as possible. I don't know what to do... | |
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