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alone, broke, depressed

Posted by life out there at December 14, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 December  Loneliness  Money

I am survivor of repeated childhood molestation along with physical and mental abuse, I was told my father was dead until I was 18 so that my mother could keep me there to releive some of the abuse my step father did to her. I was sold for drugs, made to solicit money, raised my siblings, went days without food, and seen my little sister murdered because i told about the sexual abuse. I was finally put in a foster fmaily only to be bullied and threatened at school, I cut school and was raped at gun point. I moved away for high school and my high school boyrfriend hung himself. I then somehow managed to get married to a man who thought it was a great idea to wake me up with his hand between my legs even though he knew about the abuse. When he wasnt terrorizing me at night he was running around with half the town or on the phone with phone sex operators at 9.99 a minute. Anyway ten years and three beautiful children later, and more affairs than I could keep track of I finally left. I moved home to be with family and I dont fit in in either side, to good for my moms side, not good enough for my dad's. My children dont listen. I was working and the guy who raped me in high school showed up and I had a panic attack and ended up losing the job, havent been able to keep a job since. I just started on medication for anxiety and depression, I am months behind on all my bills and will probably get evicted soon. I also have no way to provide christmas for my three children and the one thing they really wanted thier dad has promised and lied about for over a year. I feel like a failure to my children, to myself, and just in general. I cant seem to get ahead, I have had three knee injuries/surgeries in two years, I am morbidly obese, and I feel worhtless. If it were not for my children I would have found a way to end it all by now.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 01:36

I love you:(

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 03:39

end it

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 04:19

Do it

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 04:20

Just do it

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 06:55

wow, u re really a loser and u blame everyone else for it. how can anyone lose a job because of a panic attack? total bull. and that's why u can not work? yeah, right. u re full of shite

By anonymous at 17,Jan,12 15:38

What a horrible experience. I hope you find light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, I couldn't even imagine.

By anonymous at 18,Jan,12 11:42

dont do it, please...
god, you've been to hell and back, but you have your three beautiful children to live for...
i hope you find some kind of light at the end of the tunnel, just please don't do it...
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 21:09

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By anonymous at 18,Jan,12 14:13

dont listen to these fuckin goombah johnnys life no matter how shitty is better than no life plain and simple im a realist think about how overcrowded heaven and hell would be theres 8 billion ppl here now through out history probably a trillion lets be honest thats alot of souls. now also think about it like this u made it through life with horrifying experiences most people i know would have curled up and died but ur still kicking u got three kids dont leave them orphaned and im sure they would rather see there mother broke and happy than depressed and broke right? think about it as if u were growing up in there shoes love those kids and live if u get evicted move to bumblefuck usa cheap low taxes easier life

By anonymous at 19,Jan,12 01:53

Good luck to you. You have had a pretty fucked up life I must say, but there are lots of people who have had lives just like yours and worse. You do have three kids and an opportunity to make your life better. You need to be very careful with the people you date and try to stay out of bad situations. If you play your cards right your life should only get exponentially better. Tell an employer your story, there are many nice people in the world who I know will help you.

By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 19:53

never give up, take it like a champ until the day will come whem you'll say: it was worth it..good luck honey

By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 21:12

lol this story was enjoyable :D
you should make a book of it, too bad its totally bullshit.

By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 02:36

^^EAT SHIT!! ^^

By at 27,Mar,12 23:12

Abuser: XXXX LeeAddress: HIDDENEast Bridgewatere2€Ž MAe2€Ž 02333Age: 18Type of abuse: Child NeglectThis girl has been in/out of rehab for drug & alcohol abuse and now has a 4 month old baby that she lveeas in the care of other people while she goes out and continues to illegally abuse drugs and alcohol She lives in her elderly grandmothers house with NAME HIDDEN, her mother NAME HIDDEN,(who also abuses drugs and alcohol), her 9 yr old sister NAME HIDDEN who is emotionally abused, and her drug dealing boyfriend NAME HIDDEN.There are people coming and going from the house at all hours of the night it's very concerning.

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