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My Life Is a Joke

Posted by at December 28, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Juvenile problems

I recently turned 17.I'm a girl, but I dream I were a boy. I'm a grade year behind, and currently doing horrid in school, though I used to be the smartest kid. I've tried to kill myself about ten times now..regret NOT dying. I'm addicted to Advil and Tylenol, I take about 15 every night. I have literally no friends, my parents barely notice me. I have a shitty job, where I'm hardly making minimum wage, just a quarter more. I don't have a license, because I am a "Safety Hazard", so I can't just get up and leave. I live in Texas, but hate it. I want so badly to just pick up things and leave. I've been searching for a new job, but no one wants me. I have no clue where I'm going in life. My life is like a really bad, depressing movie. They say once you hit rock bottom, all you can do is go up. But, what if you keep hitting rock bottom?


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By anonymous at 26,Jan,12 21:00

Where in TX? I suppose some places would be better/more understanding than others - I'm in SA. You know that there's a name for what you're feeling, right? If you hang in and don't hurt yourself, you can make things right and find peace in your life - death isn't the answer. I've had a couple of friends who have been in your situation and their lives were depressing and hard - until they realized their actual/perceived gender didn't match and that there was something they could do to fix that. Once you get to that point, things get a bit easier to deal with and you can work on changing things. Hopefully you have someone you could talk with about this - sorry it sounds like your parents aren't there for you like they should be. One thing that will help you in life will be education - keep with that and you'll get a better job someday. The sucky thing is when you're young, it's hard to get a decent paying job - I've been there. I'm old now and still don't have a great paying job, but it's gotten a lot better. One thing that you should take comfort in is that you're still really young in the grand scheme of things - I don't mean that crappy or anything, I'm really just speaking from the experience of being your age and having crappy things happen (parents dying, being gay, and other stuff). You've got a lot of time to figure out where you want to go with your life - you just have to hang on and know that it does really get better. You should try to quit taking the advil and tylenol - maybe talk to a doctor or counselor if you can't stop on your own - that stuff's gonna kill your liver and kidneys and then life will really suck big time. Liver biopsies aren't fun and dialysis machines are horrible - not to mention if you kill those two organs, everything else is going to go down with it - but very painfully and slowly. Just hang in there and know that there are people out there who are going or have gone through what you are now and you can make it through and you can find people to talk with who understand and are accepting. Take one day at a time - when things change for the better, it will all be worth it.

By anonymous at 24,Feb,12 02:28

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