I'm out of work despite running the college ratrace and graduating. I can't even get a job at Whole Foods ringing people up (and yes, I've tried. Several times.) I wasted what little money I had left to learn a trade (EMS) in hopes of getting a job -- because when do people stop calling 911, right? -- and now of course no city agency is hiring and no private transport has gotten back to me. My life inheritance, a piddly $10k, is slowly being whittled away because I'm not eligible for unemployment anymore (went on a week too late to qualify for ANY of the extended benefits) just to pay rent and buy groceries. I'm volunteering my time as an EMT so as to get experience and reapply to other ambulance corps but the place is shutting down and my skills, as they are now, are miserably poor. I had to have my wisdom teeth out even though I'm two months behind on my COBRA medical insurance payments and my student loan payments and my credit card debit payments because they were impacting and infected and horrible, and I had pain complications with the wounds healing back up. Now, my gallbladder is shutting down and the doctor wants to remove that too, not like I have the money or the time for it.
Most days it's an achievement for me to get out of bed.
I'd move home, but my parents just sold both their cars and have nothing saved for retirement. My dad who used to make half the household income working freelance has had all interest in his work slowly trickle out and dry up -- he's over 60 with dozens of medical problems, he can't change careers -- and my mom's a teacher who's been on payfreeze for at least three years now.
I have legitimately considered several different ways to kill myself so my parents can cash in on my EMT life insurance policy. Either way, I just don't know what to do anymore. | |
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