Life in my country is very busy. Here people give respect to you only if u study well in a reputed institute(that too either engineering or medicine only!!) or work in a reputed company or if u go abroad for studies or for work. As i m a student let me focus on hw pathetic my life is.
I study in a reputed school till my 10th grade. I was an intelligent student, loved history and social, but hated math like hell. I was good at all activities in my school, i was a school captain, i loved quizzing, debating and music. Films were my passion. I wrote a zillion stories by the time i completed my 12th grade. I had a beautiful life, i was famous in school. But some people did hate me for reasons unkonown. They scrwed up my love affair with my classmate so badly that she started hating me and even after knowing this i had to sit with her in the same class for 2 more years. My 11th and 12th marked the begining of the end of my dreamy world at school. As i mentioned before, I HATED MATH. But i found that becoming an engineer is easy than becoming a doctor. So i had two options: Engineering and Engineering!!!! WAt else can i choose!!!I chose the maths stream and the girl i loved(i still love her) came to the same school for 11th and 12th as well.
Here there were a bunch of my old schoolmate who demoralized me to the extent of me giving it all up.In my society being an engineer itself isn't that great, one should be an IITian to attract eye balls. And the entrance is fucking tough!!! I had to do study something i never liked or had any interest. But still i went through all this and all the bullying by my classmates and getting insulted in front of my crush. I bore all that and finally screwed up the exam. Then followed 1 month of melodrama in my house my dad not talking to me and all that.
Now i was again left with two options: Repeat and Repeat. I was ready to bear the torture for one more year and take the exam once again. And finally this time i cracked it. The month that followed is the only part in my sucking life that stands out as the happiest time. Ac clods and appreciation from kith and kin. I was on cloud 9. With this excitement i joined the most reputed institute of in India, IIT. I had many hopes and dreams that life here would be the happiest ever. BUT I WAS WRONG. The first few months were good. Then started the grilling. EXAMS!!! I screwed it badly. I Screwed my first semester very very badly ending up at a 6 point something failing in one subject. I hoped to build my CGPA next sem at least, but i SCREWED it BIG TIME now. I m at the verge of failing in two subjects and I caught copying in another!!! I feel sick!!! I feel as though my life has no purpose i feel like committing suicide. I hate this life. I hate beingdominated by others. I hate being a sidekick to some fucking asshole. I hate being the laughing stock. I hate note being loved by any girl especially the girl i die for. I hate reading all that nonesense in those senseless textbooks. I hate the fact that i m not playing any sport or i m not spending time on music or dance which are my first love. I hate spending so much time on comp. I hate the fact that i m living only for the sake of my parents. I hate the fact that i stopped reading novels ever since i came to this sweaty sucking institute. I hate listening to those boring classes which don't put even an ounce of sense into my brain. I hate the fact that it has been 5 years since i spent time on quizzing. I feel disgusted that i was holed up copying, a task which even a kindergarten kid could do with ease. I hate the thought of getting a filthy grade sheet filled with Es and Us and Ds. I hate the thought that i m not able to succed in any sphere of life. I hate it when i realise i am a loser. I hate this SUCKING LIFE!!! I want a new life where i am the king. I want a new world where my will is the rule and my wish come true. I am tiered of fighting this losing battle. It has been ages since i tasted real succes, real acheivent, true happiness. I want to live a peaceful and happy life. A life free of all these pressures and tensions. I know its not possible for such a life any more cause i thought this is the place where all my dreams would come true, but this turned out be a dreamland itself!! And this dream is fading!!! | |
Don't force yourself to get this degree, because I can promise you that the "respect" you think you'll get from others will mean nothing if you feel like a fraud for not staying true to yourself. Sometimes I wish I'd told my writing professors and other students to fuck off and let my family "disown" me so that while I might be broke and miserable I'd still feel like I have an idea of who I am.
then again, if ur doing that for ur family, the sacrifice for helping others in a close future, then definitively it worth it
just dont let ppl dominate u, show urself and respect yourself/make yourself being respected by others...
life is a book, guess who is the author... ITS U
keep writting what U want
Follow ur dreams...
Do what u wanna do
It's the only way 2 happiness in this life.
If you hate math...
don't try 2 be an engineer
Try 2 major in something u like
If you won't be respected in your country
just leave ur country.
as simple as that
Just try 2 be happy
you don't have lots of shots
try 2 do the right thing 4 u
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