Generally speaking, I am a very positive person who makes every effort to search for the silver lining in every storm cloud life brings my way; however, today I find myself googling the phrase "Life Sucks" just because that's how I feel at the momemt.
Here are the reasons why my life sucks:
1) I am not able to follow my dreams due to reasons beyond my control even though I have several highest honors diplomas hanging on my walls
2) All of my own wants and needs are placed on the back burner due to reasons beyond my control
3) Due to my strong conviction that parents are to care for their children at all costs, I struggle with finding the strength to keep traveling on a path that appears to only bring trials with no assistance from any source (medical, educational, etc)
4) I suffer abuse of all forms from a minor with no intervention from outside sources due to the fact that the minor (my child) has a neurological condition and also because I am unwilling to press charges (which my child would not even be able to understand due to cognitive functioning) and/or unwilling to place my child in foster care only to be bounced around from home to home until old enough to go to jail if charged in the future.
5) I am a single parent because the other parent has walked out and refuses to participate in the raising and care of the child we share.
6) My child does not qualify for many services because the condition does not meet specific criteria and/or the diagnosed condition does not fall under the umbrella of various service providers - and finally because I cannot afford to pay for these services privately
7) I am an intelligent, persistant person who is willing to be trained by professionals so that I can do their job because I cannot otherwise obtain their services, and then empliment them myself in our own home - basically letting our medical, educational and governmental systems off the hook - because I love my child enough to sacrifice everything I am and have to provide for those needs which would otherwise be neglected by our systems
8) I am not taken seriously during meetings discussing my childs needs and the lack of services. My words are taken out of context to mean something totally opposite of what they were inteneded. That I am being punished by a system that was build to protect. That I have given all but my life (as in dying) for my child and that still does not seem to be enough. My entire life revolves around my child - not just because I choose to - but because I HAVE TO!
9) and finally because I hate myself for feeling the way that I do, when others around me long to hear their non-verbal child speak, their disabled child walk-jump-play, and parents who have lost their child mourn for their return. When compared to these, my sitiuation seems so small, but yet, at times seems so unbearable.