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Stuck

Posted by anonymous at February 22, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Relationship

I've been married nearly 13 years. I feel like my husband despises me and that I can't do or say anything right for him. It hasn't always been this way. Though he has always made me feel slightly less-than him and his family; they are all graduate degree holders and there are no divorces in his family. My family is the opposite: no one went to college besides me and everyone has been married and divorced. Except me as this is my one and only marriage.

I work part-time as a nurse, go to college full-time, do the majority of the chores around the house, do the grocery shopping, and drive our sons to soccer and swimming lessons several times each week. I feel busy. Too busy.

But, my husband works full-time (from home, so there is absolutely no time/stress spent commuting) and makes a lot more money than me. His schedule with work is flexible whereas mine is not. He constantly makes me feel like I don't do enough, that I'm not smart enough, that I don't contribute enough to this relationship.

I am not sure that I can contribute more. I don't know what to do.

My husband is not violent, he doesn't yell (often), and is a very involved daddy to our sons. But he's snarky. He says things that cut right to my core. Not very often, but enough that my self-esteem just completely sucks. I can never feel like I'm "good enough" for him.

So, do I tell myself that what I'm feeling must come from some childhood trauma and that I cannot blame my husband for being the way he is. Do I stay? Or do I walk away? How do I know when it is bad enough to walk away from this relationship? Where is the line? Is it just a level of sadness that I reach when I will know that it is time to go? Or do I stick it out because things are usually pretty good, or at least pretty okay. Is it worth breaking up our family just so I can feel more worthwhile? How do I know that my sadness, my emptiness, will resolve if I leave this relationship? How do I know that this marriage is taking more from me than it is giving?

I am just so confused. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 19:40

It sounds like all your stress is building up negative feelings. When I feel overwhelmed, I think about someone I wrote an email to who hasn't responded in a week and I think they hate me or are angry and while Im working I spend all day cursing them under my breath and thinking negative. Everyone is angry at me, no matter what I do.. etc. Then when you find out that you have been mistaken and you misjudged the situation you feel like absolute sht. So my advice is dont be like me, try to actually think of things and people in a positive light. We are programmed as a survival mechanism to always believe people have bad intentions but I bet your husband loves you very much even though he sucks at showing it. When you are done getting your nursing degree you wont have such a hectic schedule. I took nursing for a year and it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard for me. You are amazing. You are going to have a better life just hang in there, and try to think of things in a positive light.


By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 20:38

you shoild talk to him. don't bottle up these emotions. they will eat away at your mental health. be open and honest. you'll feel better. after 13 years of marriage you shouldn't be afraid to open up,and express your frustrations. good luck! :)
By stephen at 28,Feb,12 23:51

I salute you! You're doing great. Please talk to your husband, seek professional help. Just don't let the emotions bottle up


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 05:02

Wow, I just posted but it hasn't been approved yet. I feel like my husband despises me too. He has told me flat out that he is so resentful towards me. THe thign is there is really no reason to be resentful. I work but I just don't make as much money as him so it is not good enough. Any decent job I've had he has pretty much made me quit. Hes not violent either but he is very emotionally and mentally abusive and yells at me constantly.


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 07:11

Talk to him. He needs to know that you are his wife and not your family. dont bottle up your emotions. If he is negative and dont comprise and belive in you and what you do, then you are better off without him. You think he loves you??? i dont. if he truly does he will have respect to all what you do and add to your family.


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 16:11

It sounds stupid, but i really recommend reading "The 5 languages of love". I doubt your doing anything wrong you just might not be speaking his love language. I had the same issue with my wife. I was never good enough, i could never love her the way she needed, and in turn she didn't love me the way i needed, but that's just because i hadn't been loving her in her love language. It might not help but its worth reading, it gave me a while new perspective on pretty much everything. I know this is reversed since i'm the guy but we all need love. ;] ahah i know i sound like i'm just trying to sell a book, but I'm not. I really do recommend it. If you ever have the time its a great read. I was seriosly sitting there going "oh my gosh... that's so true!" Well best of luck. Don't give up just yet!


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 16:21

Gosh this really hits home, i just posted the last comment too, i just cant stop thinking about it. I promise you you wont regret reading that, i wish i could explain it here but it would be so long... Please think about it. sorry for nagging you. ;P


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