LIFE SUCKS

My Body

I hate my body. Since I was a tiny little girl, my ass has been huge. When I'm skinny: ass is fat. When I'm heavy: ass is fat. My arms a gigantic. I dress to hide my ass and my arms. Even if it is hot outside, I'm wearing long sleeves. I'll be at a bbq or something like that, sweat pouring down my face because I'm so goddamn hot from wearing long sleeves and something to cover my big ass. I can't walk in front of someone because I'm terrified of what my ass looks like.

I was teased mercilessly as a child about my ass and my arms. On the basketball team in high school, I heard one of my teammates sing the lyrics to that old song about having a big butt. Everyone giggled. In middle school, a boy sitting next to me decided it was his place to tell me how giant my arms were. Telling me that I needed to diet because it was gross. I was not overweight. I was never overweight until age 38. Now, at 41, I need to lose about 60 pounds. But when people were commenting on my arms and ass, I was less than 130 pounds.

I know I have a pretty face. I don't care. All I worry about is my arms and ass. I wish I could afford to have them fixed. I cannot imagine going through a day without worrying about my body. I cannot imagine feeling comfortable in my own skin.