I always think about my life. What it is like, what it could be. I donít really live. Only empty words come out of my mouth. Something like, I will change this and that, I will become like this etc. But I never really do anything. It is really detestable. I am a lazy, ungrateful person. And I think that is the worst kind of person there is. I'm healthy, have a family who loves me, I have some friends, tho I like to be alone more, I'm an introvert. I go to college and I have enough money for a comfortable lifestyle. I take things for granted but I just don't seem to change.
While I read, or watch something, the protagonist always gives 100% in anything he or she does. And if he or she fails, they try again, no matter what, no matter how many times. And so I think to myself, why do I still do nothing. Or rather, why donít I change something. While knowing that talking about all of this will get me nowhere. And the dissatisfaction that I have with myself, why donít I change? Why am I still standing still, in the same place, repeating this over and over again. How low should I sink before I actually do something? I guess people like me realise things at the very end.
It is kind of as if I am numb, and a bit nihilistic. Even if I get so low in life, I probably won't change. I am a waste of air and space.