Im 19 with my own place and am a full time mom and student.. Not that bad right? Wrong. I grew up in foster care where I bounced around from group home to group home because my moms crack addiction and boyfriends were more important than her kids, I fell madly in "love" at 14 with my ex and got pregnant at 15 with my daughter who for unexplained reasons was born blind, with an underdeveloped cerebellum and hydrocephalus, so on top of trying to be 19 and a mom I have a million more responsibilities with a special needs kid and no parents to help or show me good parenting. My life has slowly started going down hill faster since last July, I got scammed out of my car, I failed a semester in school, my daughter has been in and out of the hospital, her dad rarely helps, my self esteem is shot because I've gone from 115lbs to 134 and can't get rid of it, my most recent ex put his hands on my daughter and got locked up, and even tho I reported it and removed him from the picture, people were judging me and writing horrible things about me online in blogs, now child protective services is up my ass weekly even tho I do everything for my daughter she has never wanted for anything in life an I make sure of that, I'm still paying for his mess up.. Every time I have a babysitter all I want to do is binge drink so I don't remember anything and can escape reality for just a moment, I think I'm ugly now, I feel lonely, and no one my age that I know has experienced anything remotely close to what my life has been like. Every single time something good happens, there is always an asterisk following the sentence with nothing but bad news, or another obstacle for me to jump through... I just want a dad for my daughter and a real man to be in my life so I can have that family I never had growing up, I want to move away from everyone and start over, I want no one to know who I am, so no one can judge me from my bad mistakes I've made, or even better... I wish I had thought twice about having a baby so young- maybe if I had I could have ended this pathetic life without leaving behind something too precious alone in this world like I was left. | |
you were selfish before and look what happened...you brought another human being into this messed up world. if you really do not think you can handle being a mother, you really should think of giving up your child, especially since the child has special needs. that child will be in your care forever because of the needs so you can forget about all of that. i know because i have a special needs brother. he is autistic and i know it's not the same as having a baby but i raised him and my family's life revolves around him. it's difficult and you should really think if you can give your child the best she deserves or are too wrapped up in yourself.
the poster even said that her most recent ex-boyfriend was placed in jail for placing his hands on her daughter. WTH? and then she has the nerve to talk about her experience with her own mother's crack addiction and boyfriends. seems like the poster is turning into her mother wanting to binge drink. and being "lonely" and worried more about her physical looks than her daughter. OMG, she weighs 134 and isn't 115 pounds anymore!!! Because 134 pounds is just so fat, right? *rolls eyes* all that lonely and gaining weight talk is about wanting a man.
i am sorry but this single mother does not have her priorities straight and someone should stick up for that poor baby who has NO voice to tell us how she feels. so yes, i do NOT feel sorry for the poster, but i feel so much sorrow for the poor baby girl.
As I read your story I felt the need to tell you that you're NOT alone, and there is HELP...I know its easy for people to judge and point fingers, but the reality is no one HAS THE RIGHT to form an opinion, because no one has walked nor endure your hardships. I don't blame you nor judge you for the mistakes you've made i your life. However, it is your responsibility to assure no one harms your child. You need to stop blaming yourself for the past and feeling sorry for yourself. You are not the only young mother out there. At least you're trying to be a mother and go to school. Many young teen mothers live with their parents in a small bedroom/living room. You have accomplished to have your own place and made the time to go to school with a special need child. Give yourself some credit. I have no children and I constantly feel overwhelm, I'm honestly amazed to read you're managing. Now, you say you feel overweight...what are you doing about it? start eating healthy; cut sodas, sweets, and carbs. Try joining a local ZUMBA class, its fun. School has many resources for young teenage mothers. See a counselor. Theres FREE daycare and they can help you with transportation and many other good resources that I'm not aware of. But most importantly find someone who you can speak with. Your dauther is a blessing, and together you can continue to move forward.
Don't give up on your education! It is key to your success....I want to share a small story with you. A year and few months ago I had the privilege to meet an amazing individual. She was 21 with two kids, single mother. Story short, she got her priorities together and she transfer to UCLA. It wasn't easy but I know you can do it. SEE A COUNSELOR.
Best Wishes,
Maiia
My Mom is a drunk and had 7 kids
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