So my life isn't bad at all. I have a good job, a decent flat and things are pretty comfortable. Sadly though I am desperately lonely.
I work in a school. That means I talk to a lot of people everyday. There are no really solid connections to my life though, nothing that stays with me at the end of the day.
Nearly all of my free time is taking up with film making, striving for the dream. I have made a massive amount of friends through that over the last couple of years.
I shouldn't be lonely. I shouldn't have time to be. But I am. There is no one to come home to. No one to share this all with. No one to grow with or get away from it all with. Just me.
Recently, I made an effort at fixing this. Internet dating. Not so great. Making an effort to talk to people more. No result. Finally, I met someone. From my point of view things were going great. Brilliant even. I was mistaken.
Now I'm feeling solitude more keenly than ever and everything that happens at the moment seems to be intended to compound the oppresive isolation. Friends are dropping out of organised events leaving me to go by myself. People I work with have taking very nasty and inexplicable turns against me. I haven't even seen my family in weeks now.
All I can do is rumble along and try to succeed. I can't even think of hoping things will improve, I just expect disappointment now.
It's good to share. | |
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