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Posted by Matt at March 8, 2012
Tags: Loneliness  2012 March  Relationship  Sexuality

The longest relationship I have ever been in started when I was 13 with a woman about twice my age. We were in a relationship for a few years, until our relationship was "discovered" and she went to prison. We had a child together, who I have not seen since she went away. He is seven now.
I also have to add that I am a gay male. The whole time I was with her, I knew this, but had deep insecurities about it because of all the harassment I had encountered because people accused me of being gay. I "came out" of the closet at 17 and have been searching for someone ever since. I have had one relationship with a guy that turned out to be only sexual and went on for a few years. I have been deeply in need of someone that I can count on in a sexual as well emotional manner. I have spent so many nights literally crying myself to sleep, and pathetically imagining that that person is laying beside me. I hate it. I hate life so much sometimes! I have been told my countless people that I am good looking, that the "right person will come along", etc. etc. I am 23 years old, and am the only one of my friends who have not been in a serious relationship. I used to live in a small town, there were hardly any gay guys but i seemed to be the only one that didn't have someone. I have recently moved to a bigger city, which i thought would help. I actually met a guy who is seriously everything I could ever hope for in a guy. We spent an amazing night together talking, drinking and sleeping next to eachother. That was over a month ago. I have invited him to do things many times since then. He always acts like he is interested, but then when it comes down to it he doesn't come or something came up. It really devastates me to be shown a glimpse of what is possible, only to have it fly away like dust in the air. I hate it. I would have rather never met him. He acted so interested in me, but I guess it was just a front. I don't know what to do. I am so sick of being alone, but so scared to put my heart out there because deep down i feel like i know it will just be stomped on. I HATE BEING ALONE


New Comment

By at 10,Mar,12 17:59

I know exactly how you feel... Thank you for writing this. I really hope you find someone that will make your life wonderful. love, SWC

By anonymous at 10,Mar,12 22:45

Holy shit dude u had sex with a 26-year-old when u were 13???
By anonymous at 13,Mar,12 20:08

Fuckin A!

By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 13:23

You are gay because you were abused as a child by a man. Get over it! WTF! Be normal. It's not normal for a man to want another man! Men are supposed to be strong and manly and take care of a woman. You are womanly and it has to stop! DOn't you think your life would be better if you turned away from being gay? You should really consider it. Only the liberals in this world will tell you, "It's ok. Be gay. Be Happy. It's who you are! Peace and love and the world would be a better place. Recycle and move to Portland Oregon!" Seriously? They need to be shut down...for good. Also notice, liberals are all the misfits in life that got together to form a group. FREAKS! Take my advice and your life will be better.
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 11:32

Fuckin' asshole go suck on a bible you dipshit. Maybe YOU like it up the ass and you are too much of a fucking pussy. Heck, at least he had the balls to "come out." Get a fucking life you hater!!

By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 16:36

How the fuck can you go from fucking some pussy to wanting to fuck or fet fucked by a dude? There is NO pussy replacement, go back to women you homo....

By at 04,Apr,12 10:53

Dude, besides what happened when you were 13, it was almost like I wrote this. I'm gay and grew up in a little town in south Alabama where there are just no gay people. I am almost 24. Everyone I know is finding someone, and I'm always sitting at the house, watching them leave, saying bye. I just found this site. I think maybe you just proved I'm not one of a kind after all. From reading this, I know you have thought that you were one of a kind too. Maybe this means we wont be alone forever.

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