All my life, I crossed T's and dotted my I's. I avoided drugs and debauchery. In my 6 and a half years of college, I only ever skipped a class once. I have two degrees, with cum laude and magna cum laude. Yet, here I am... at thirty-three... with a house I cannot afford, no money, nothing in the bank, a son who (despite being over three years-old) cannot speak properly on account of some genetic abnormality passed through his mother's side. I have become an alcoholic, mostly because I see the people in my town (who do not have jobs, education, or motivation) receive money through welfare and what-have-you whilst I work and plunge into the very depths of stress and hopelessness. Why, I ask myself, do I strive and struggle to achieve what the people around me receive for free, without any effort? I realize now (perhaps too late) that if I had been a consummate fuck-up like my peers, I (ironically) would be in a much better state. All my life, I obeyed the rules and walked the line, and yet I exist (day to day) in a world that celebrates and egregiously awards the people who slept and partied and slacked and (in many cases) committed the crimes. My main interests in life are Beethoven, Shakespeare, nature & survivalism, art, literature, and philosophy. I see so much potential within the human race for accomplishment and saintliness. And yet, all I hear around me is the dreadful groan of profanity coupled with the endless glorification of idiocy, ignorance, and mediocrity. On the other hand, perhaps I should just man-up... but then, do what? | |
I always tell myself that God sees my struggle, and in the end, he will reward me. I have found that in the end, those who work hard are repaid accordingly, as well as those who do not. You reap what you sow.
Think about what you are truly investing in-- your family. It may feel like a drag, but the road you chose was to support and love a family. When all the chaff is burned away, your investment will be worth a thousand wasted lives on alcohol and irresponsibility.
Man up-- God sees your struggle. Keep working hard. It will pay off. We're only on this earth for a short time, but it's what we do here that really counts-- and you only have one shot. I'm glad you're not wasting it, like your peers are.
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