I wa a good kid until i turned 18 i lost my virginity then and had some friends who introduced me to pot. I said no to pot since i was 16. Finally i tried it and i liked it but then came trying everything else, what got me first was oxycodone a girl when i was 19 and she was 32 oh how i wish i could just have said no> i had a sexy girlfriend but then became addicted to oxys after using in few days in a row, then i found someone who sold them for cheap if i bought alot so i did that thinking i can get high for free. Biggest mistake of my life thinking you can ger high for free is impossible. My life was consumed by snorting oxys i loved it except when i ran out.. The sickness was so terrible i may have made it once or twice cold turkey but i could not do that again. I am a chronic relapser. I still had the connect for oxys so i rationed it out that high for free is ok and then i got caught with 200 of them since it was first offense i did 3 years. I thought i could have my life back i was in great shape and then a "friend" said smoke weed and thats it well weed led to drinking finally i got caught kicked out of halfway house and back to jail. The judge felt i did my time and was released time served. Another trusted "friend" sold my powder cocaine i said i would do that but never any opiates. One day i told him about a girl who wanted 2 blues and she would sleep with me, my phone died and then my life half way died soon later. I kept those pills for 2 days and woke up one morning at home bored, i had no job and my parents have spoiled me and dont make me do anything so i snorted those pills for the first time in 3 years i said one time, it still has not stopped and that was 2 years ago. The story gets worse, a "friend" i knew for 10 years was a crack addict he had no money at all no car nowhere to live well he got lucky and found someone to take him in and let him live there so he can walk the 2 dogs while him and his daughter are at work. My friend had his wish come true he started smoking crack again after an 8 month break and one day i went there to hang out and he begged me to drive him so he could buy crack and he paid me for gas. We got back to his house and he offered to share. I was clean at this point no oxys no weed but since i never tryed it before i said lets see what it does. Well it must have been really weak because i did not like it. Not long after i was still giving free hits and then I met a 22 year old crack prostitute she sold her body for crack all day all night i started to drive her around and she would share with me. I would say it didnt happen over night that i realized today i have a problem. The last 2 weeks i have been spending 20-60 a day. I also snorted blues and bars i soon very much enjoyed the high and down of the two and the crack made me feel great at first i said well i wont get sick from it like pills so it must be better. Yesturday i spent 80 on crack and today i spent $140. I am so down on myself right now. The crack wasnt even good i wasnt even getting high it was very cut and garbage regardless its all the same its poison and drained money i need that i dont have that i have alot of bills to pat. I smoked the push 5 times finally i said i can not smoke this stuff ever again but reading and knowing about recovery i need to take it one day ar a time, The last time i quit which lasted me a week i threw it away the stem its the only way u must get rid of that demon stem. Next i got clean off opiates with suboxine i was taking almost no suboxine until i was so bored and depressed that i couldnt find happiness with anything that i folded. I should have never went and buy a new stem and 20 a day became 140. So i said i cannot do this i still have money in my wallet 300 bucks and a little more but the crack was so cut up and garbage i was barely getting high i got sold garbage all day excwpr just one 20 i wanted the same thing but it wasnt the blk guy lied all the crack dealers are black. The girl i was hanging with smoking with i never did anything sexual with her because i didnt want to she kept on wanting me to but i could not do it, I felt she was dirty because she slept with atleast 10 guys a day condom or no condom i wanted to feel special so i chose not to and then today i changed my number so i could lose all the crack dealers and they would stop calling me and the girl would stop calling me and people who wanted pills would stop calling, well i folded again i went and spent another 80 bucks so it was 60 at first which to me my max then i just went crazy my friend called me saying the guy has great stuff and he did i was happy about that one 20 but all the others were just bad. I took my stem and threw it in the lake i am writing this for everyone to read who chooses to read but i will also read it so god help me to not buy a stem and waste more money i been smoking for a week straight atleast 600 bucks down the drain. I swear not to smoke even its free and i cannot talk to that friend who smokes and thats one problem. The other one is the pills i been doing those for a week straight im slmost out snd i will have to detox and get back on suboxine and all the nightmarish things that comes with it. My goal is to not buy crack and finish whatver i have left i traded them really for crack 8 blues for 7 rocks and 20 for gas i just want to run out. I simply cannot sell and not use any drug it does not work. My gf of 2 years overdosed i saved her life for the second time but she had those pills and made me relapse and here i am now, she doesnt want to be with me anymore even though i was doing good her mom and everyone doesnt want us to be together, for good reason she makes me get high when i want to be clean and she uses and is in denial. Im going to detox at home hopefully its not that bad like i said i was on suboxine but very low dose and did opiates again for i guess 10 days but i want to do it without anyone finding out and get back on subocxine this time stay clean thats actually the easy part the hard part comes when u are healthy again and you are so bored AND depresssed well i have to do it, now i have no gf nobody to ruin my recovery and go to the dr and have pills, so shes alive but not allowed to talk to me. The reason i cant use is because its very expensive its dirty and i dont want to be a loser anymore. I have a pain dr appointment that i missed 2 weeks ago i wont go because my mother has all my credit cards and theres just no point it feels good now but later is just so much worse and terribly expensive. How did a smart kid with dreams of being a pharmacist to an addict trying to get well yet again its been almost 10 years i been fighting drug addiction with clean time only incarcerated and the 2 weeks i did at home. For some reason i dont like meetings i take no pleaure in going out unless im high its terrible i had one addiction opiates now i have 2 crack is my new one less then 2 months. I still want to smoke weed i need some escape but nothing else and i shouldnt even do that but not crack not one more dollar to that oh and its garbage too a 10 minute high the most expensive yet worthless shit ever i smoked crystal meth 5 years ago and the high from smoking that was 100 times as strong. But nobody has that i guess its a good thing. Im going to get clean again and eat and go out snd spend money on normal stuff.