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I don't want life anymore

Posted by anonymous at March 18, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Juvenile problems  2012 March

Before I come out with a complicated list of WHY my life sucks, first I'll tell you HOW it sucks. I feel like an empty void, nothing or no one is attempting to fill this emptiness, and I honestly don't know how to. I'm fourteen years old, I have some friends, but it seems like I'm just a burden to them and they really just throw me to the side like a background character. Sometimes I just want to be HEARD. Nobody fucking listens anymore. Recently, my father got leukemia, now before you assume this isn't really a big deal, let me tell you that it was Stage 4 leukemia and lymphoma, he suffered months of chemotherapy and it changed him forever. I don't have a mom, well, let me rephrase that, my mom lives across the country, I see her every couple years or so, and talk to her every couple of months, currently, she's dirt poor, living pay check to pay check, working as a stripper because she has nowhere else to go. My stepmom treats me like shit, and I fucking hate her, and she ruins my dad. I hate high school, I don't fit in and I never have, and it's only made me hateful over the years. I seem to tell when a person doesn't like me, which is often. Everyone just thinks I'm a dumbass who has no life and no friends. My grades are shit, not because I'm stupid, but because I can't pay attention, and my dad doesn't believe in diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. I have a strange religous preference, that usually gets me bullied and harassed, even by teachers and loved adults of my life. Sometimes I feel like it's the right time to cry, but I'm so empty now that the god damn tears don't come out. I used to cut, lot of scars to tell my life story. Couple suicide attempts, even been to a hospital because of it. I was sexually abused when I was young, and every night because of it I have violent nightmares about murder and blood. The only person that almost understands me is my brother, but I hardly see him because now he's a big shot model. Sometimes I want to commit suicide not because I'm depressed, but because I don't want life anymore. I hear people all the time say, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Well what if these temporary problems start the second another one ends? Then it is a permanent problem, and hell, there's no other permanent solution to that. Honestly, I hate everyone now for what this world has turned me into. I hate myself, I hate you, I fucking hate every person on this god damned planet, and unfortunately, the only thing I have to take the anger out on is myself. I don't want life anymore.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 19,Mar,12 08:46

that is life one problem after another. It's how you deal with it that counts, so stop whineing and grab life by the horns and make it the best you can. Life will be what YOU make it to be. It's your life make it happy or crawl up in a ball in the corner and cry about it.


By anonymous at 19,Mar,12 10:36

The problem with life is that EVERYONE has one problem after another. But for someone your age it should be the responsibility of elders in your life to help you through everyday crap. In your case the elders have let you down. They are less than human. But you must remember that you are human and worthwhile. There are other adults out there who will help, I promise. Go look for them. Good place is a school counselor, hopefully you will find a good one. Start out with "I dont' want to end up like the stupid adults I see. I want to make something fabulous out of my life." And don;t give up until you have found someone who will help.


By Truth at 19,Mar,12 12:44

I had the ADD once, but the I got some SUBTRACT and that made me right as rain. You should get some SUBTRACT as well, and that would also probably help you with your AIDS. It's a good think you don't have stage 9 lukemiosis though, like your pops. Hey, your mom is a stripper?? She must be hot! What a great job for her to have! I bet your stepmom isn't as hot, but if she is you should try to throw a poke in from time to time!

also, stop worshipping the devil, he's a little bitch anyway. Motherfucker got a restraining order against me after I shoved his stupid fucking pitchfork up his ass sideways and then plugged up his ass with his fucktard pointy tail.


By anonymous at 19,Mar,12 14:32

i am sorry to read your story, it made me cry. its very sad and although i am not in your situation, i am so sorry that these things have happened to you. you are so young to have gone through so much. i hope you can rise above it. life is not easy for me either, i also am very angry and suicidal and have nothing to show for my life. i am beginning to think that the only thing i can do is help others. i wish that i could help you somehow. i have heard of many other people who lose one or both of their parents, and who no one cares about them. please realize you are not alone in the world. there really are angels who watch over us. praying may help. you don thave to believe in god. just pray that you want help, its like making a request. you dont even have to say it out loud, just think it.... i hope that helps you! please don{t give up!


By Cursed at 19,Mar,12 15:12

What Is Leukemia?
Leukemia is a type of cancer that affects the blood and bone marrow, the spongy center of bones where our blood cells are formed. The disease develops when blood cells produced in the bone marrow grow out of control.
Ok, kid- now that I understand what Leukemia is, I can relate a little better. You're only fourteen. It's not fair that you are burdened by so much at such a young age! Is your father doing better or worse these days?
With you're father being so sick, you must feel isolated, no one to talk to, and certainly you don't want to be an encumbrance to your dad.
It's a tough spot that you're in. I wish I could adopt you. Hell, I wish I could take all the unhappy people in the world, touch them, and make them better. But nothing I say is probably going to help you...
Is there anything that I can do for you? Within the realm of being supportive?
You're growing up too fast. Being hit with a lot of crap. I wish you're mother could be closer to you. She's a stripper. So what. It is a shame she can't be within a closer distance to you- does she know how much you are hurting? Maybe if you open up to her, she'd move closer?
Try to connect with your brother as he is all you really have in the end. Don't be envious of his career. He wont be able to live off his looks forever, and then who's gonna be there for him? Hopefully you?
You're strong. You're smart.
You're a great kid. I can tell-
We are here for you-
Writing down your problems is good therapy, and there are a ton of people on here that will listen...
Hope this isn't too sappy? I feel for you kid, I really do..
Cursed


By steven mcquillan at 25,Oct,12 11:54

People can be cruel hurtful and unkind, I've always felt like an outsider and as an adult I've become more comfortable with who I am.

When people harass you or hurt you remember you choose how much they're allowed to hurt you.

It's easy to say this but difficult to do so the road ahead will be hard. But with hard-work, a kind heart and an open mind I'm sure you will arrive at a place you feel happy.

My tips to get started would be read some inspiring auto-biographies, start forgiving people for not not living up to your expectations, stop talking to anyone who puts you in this downward spiral. And try some meditation techniques to deal with the stress in your life.

You are loved, cherished and unique, I hope this find you well and good look.


By suba suba at 25,Mar,20 20:19

R3SElV to some friends ans also sharing in delicious.


By suba suba at 09,Jun,20 14:05

pretty practical material, overall I feel this is worthy of a bookmark, thanks


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