Before I come out with a complicated list of WHY my life sucks, first I'll tell you HOW it sucks. I feel like an empty void, nothing or no one is attempting to fill this emptiness, and I honestly don't know how to. I'm fourteen years old, I have some friends, but it seems like I'm just a burden to them and they really just throw me to the side like a background character. Sometimes I just want to be HEARD. Nobody fucking listens anymore. Recently, my father got leukemia, now before you assume this isn't really a big deal, let me tell you that it was Stage 4 leukemia and lymphoma, he suffered months of chemotherapy and it changed him forever. I don't have a mom, well, let me rephrase that, my mom lives across the country, I see her every couple years or so, and talk to her every couple of months, currently, she's dirt poor, living pay check to pay check, working as a stripper because she has nowhere else to go. My stepmom treats me like shit, and I fucking hate her, and she ruins my dad. I hate high school, I don't fit in and I never have, and it's only made me hateful over the years. I seem to tell when a person doesn't like me, which is often. Everyone just thinks I'm a dumbass who has no life and no friends. My grades are shit, not because I'm stupid, but because I can't pay attention, and my dad doesn't believe in diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. I have a strange religous preference, that usually gets me bullied and harassed, even by teachers and loved adults of my life. Sometimes I feel like it's the right time to cry, but I'm so empty now that the god damn tears don't come out. I used to cut, lot of scars to tell my life story. Couple suicide attempts, even been to a hospital because of it. I was sexually abused when I was young, and every night because of it I have violent nightmares about murder and blood. The only person that almost understands me is my brother, but I hardly see him because now he's a big shot model. Sometimes I want to commit suicide not because I'm depressed, but because I don't want life anymore. I hear people all the time say, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Well what if these temporary problems start the second another one ends? Then it is a permanent problem, and hell, there's no other permanent solution to that. Honestly, I hate everyone now for what this world has turned me into. I hate myself, I hate you, I fucking hate every person on this god damned planet, and unfortunately, the only thing I have to take the anger out on is myself. I don't want life anymore. | |
also, stop worshipping the devil, he's a little bitch anyway. Motherfucker got a restraining order against me after I shoved his stupid fucking pitchfork up his ass sideways and then plugged up his ass with his fucktard pointy tail.
Leukemia is a type of cancer that affects the blood and bone marrow, the spongy center of bones where our blood cells are formed. The disease develops when blood cells produced in the bone marrow grow out of control.
Ok, kid- now that I understand what Leukemia is, I can relate a little better. You're only fourteen. It's not fair that you are burdened by so much at such a young age! Is your father doing better or worse these days?
With you're father being so sick, you must feel isolated, no one to talk to, and certainly you don't want to be an encumbrance to your dad.
It's a tough spot that you're in. I wish I could adopt you. Hell, I wish I could take all the unhappy people in the world, touch them, and make them better. But nothing I say is probably going to help you...
Is there anything that I can do for you? Within the realm of being supportive?
You're growing up too fast. Being hit with a lot of crap. I wish you're mother could be closer to you. She's a stripper. So what. It is a shame she can't be within a closer distance to you- does she know how much you are hurting? Maybe if you open up to her, she'd move closer?
Try to connect with your brother as he is all you really have in the end. Don't be envious of his career. He wont be able to live off his looks forever, and then who's gonna be there for him? Hopefully you?
You're strong. You're smart.
You're a great kid. I can tell-
We are here for you-
Writing down your problems is good therapy, and there are a ton of people on here that will listen...
Hope this isn't too sappy? I feel for you kid, I really do..
Cursed
When people harass you or hurt you remember you choose how much they're allowed to hurt you.
It's easy to say this but difficult to do so the road ahead will be hard. But with hard-work, a kind heart and an open mind I'm sure you will arrive at a place you feel happy.
My tips to get started would be read some inspiring auto-biographies, start forgiving people for not not living up to your expectations, stop talking to anyone who puts you in this downward spiral. And try some meditation techniques to deal with the stress in your life.
You are loved, cherished and unique, I hope this find you well and good look.
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